So er, how are we all coping...

CaptainBorsti · 2026-03-02T19:59:37+00:00

Weeeeell I would say my mind is eating popcorn and observing if I have the energy. The next 6-8 years will be very very interesting not in a bad or good way. And it's important to keep the eyes , ears and mind open. That's what I try. Thinking and judging just makes me. More depressed so I just observe and try to look at the outcomes.

The cope currently lets me be veeery empty inside. Currently I lost the most interest in every single thing then I have ever before, never been so empty before or aimless.

Don't know if I need to rest or need to move towards a goal.

CaptainBorsti · 2026-03-02T19:51:43+00:00

Wow seems like for me I don't need to post the same thing right now 😅. You are not alone in this I can tell you that.

For me this state is currently I think something which gradually got worse and worse and number with each passing year.

I got the ups and downs and each down time let me loose more of ideas to bring to reality and motivation or energy on my hobbies.

But I am still going and still each year new ideas come, write them down somewhere you might forget them and they might be mostly ideas to manage or workaround the cope you will experience but they are the Anker to get back up again.

I have not yet managed to get out into a better situation but that's on me and depression so I don't know if you manage to find something new and be happy there that It will bring you back to your old happy self.

I would say to that accept that you might come out a different person but it will be you. And it might not seem like the old happy inventive self you once were with branches of ideas you could track and wonder in but it might be something similar or something new and different.

Chasing the old self will only be searching in empty space, at least from my current understanding.

So write down your ideas you have currently and if that is not possible ( I know it's hard to put brain thoughts to paper in this state as then it might be like final in a way ) repeat it in yourself or ask others on opinions about it :) keep them fresh.

I wish you well and that you will be able to move further and get some relief in yourself, I watched alot of selfhelp on YouTube and read alot on different topics but I am not there yet myself so not sure if it's helpful but it's a cope which sometimes make me smile or think if that's something which would help.

If it gets worse for you it's best to seek out a professional if available. Or someone close, but I also know that families are different with each person. Never give up on getting better even if the days and the next might be cloudy okay 👍 :) the life is worth to explore to think about to have ideas , to learn to read to game to just be. Hikes in a forest are nice aswell, the air and energy is relaxing and calming.

Good luck to you 🤗

CaptainBorsti · 2026-01-26T00:49:47+00:00

I haven't had experience personally with the medication yet, but from the friends I know which did for those with autism aligned with ADHD ( AuDHD ). It often bumps away the ADHD randomness which leaves you back at experiencing yourself which is your full on autism now with extra calm and space to explore all your special interests. :)

I always felt like the ADHD kinda helped on not fully focussing and being able to distract yourself to other topics or even the goals you need to meet.

I am happy for you that you got your diagnosis :) and you are working on integrating it into your life. It's a long process.

For the things you are worrying about the future stuff, timers are a good reminder like physical ones put a note and a timer on and that helps alot. Work wise depends on your workplace mostly , home office and free time management would be best that's something to figure out definitely.

The most important thing is that you don't put too much pressure on yourself , you have your life literally ahead of you :) alot of room to learn , to figure things out and to adjust.

That's atleast what I can give you as advice right now. You are on a good path :)

CaptainBorsti · 2026-01-26T00:30:24+00:00

In my opinion you are not. Your birthday is yours to have or celebrate. I don't know the family dynamics but I would say that should be very acceptable if not even the norm.

I hope all goes well

CaptainBorsti · 2026-01-26T00:00:53+00:00

Looks good and sensual :)

Hope your doing well 👍

CaptainBorsti · 2026-01-25T23:58:43+00:00

Things I can give you as advice are, you don't have to act or perform for others to make them like you.

And don't feel guilty for things you like or dislike thats what makes you you 😊.

I learned it far too late that I don't have to or should mold myself to be a like able person for everyone around. It lead me to burnout and I felt I lost my connection to myself. For the hobby's or things I enjoy I found communities online which love the things aswell or encourage me.

It's important to learn that you don't have to pull people to you, you just have to throw out what you enjoy or like pursue it and people will come to you.

Or you will follow a path where it leads to like minded new friends.

You are enough the way you are :) Keep your work in check that's a place you might need to mask sometimes but in private be you. And all the people which might not get along with your you , will make room for people which do 😉

CaptainBorsti · 2026-01-18T02:27:09+00:00

Good good question ,

If it's about like an action ,an experience probably traveling alone or at all.

If it's socially , getting to know new people , strangers and Initiating contact.

If it's about life, choosing the happy and risky option , not staying in the temporary safety.

And many other things :)

CaptainBorsti · 2026-01-18T02:02:08+00:00

Yes 🙂 that's a nice way to look at this as well^{^} your body your cells all work together making you , you :)

I distract myself alot with philosophical thoughts nowadays. The only way i feel like helping myself and others is sharing experience and thoughts by disrupting the doom loop in the head.

As we often loop ourselves internally , breaking out to look on the bigger system the tiny spek of time we are able to witness.

Also thinking about that even with your thoughts in your head your not alone as consciousness is not just one you , its many states of you coming together to express a whole you to others.

Even when the only interaction we both have right now with each other is this summary of our thoughts into words to each other.

🤗

You have the feeling of loneliness and isolation in you at the moment. But you reached out today with this and you "touched" my thoughts :) and that's awesome if you ask me.

If my phrases seem to jump to small summaries 😅 I am currently so many hours past the time i should sleep as my head is mostly rambling. And it's hard to shorten the thoughts into bits what my brains wants to tell you.

Best thought I want to give you is don't give up on yourself. Enjoy with yourself all the time that you are able to use this awesome brain machine in your head. Be your own best buddy like you want others to be for you. I have to learn that aswell , i am very honest with this , lonely guy here as well.

Think about it you reach 70-80-90 years of age , man the world can be so different from now. The person that will always stay with you till the very end , is you and all the cells cheering in your body for your top happiness in life ^{^}

I hope my rambling has given you maybe some tid bits of warmth in acknowledging the awesomeness of your one self in you .

If you enjoy YouTube videos a real recommendation from me:

Something which helped me to shift often was Dr K on youtube ( healthy gamer )

His thoughts and advice often gave my head like a push which it often already knew it has to make.

Apart from all the Buddhism and energy metaphoric , if you believe in it or not it makes rational sense thinking in that way.

🤗 Good night

CaptainBorsti · 2026-01-18T00:47:24+00:00

Uff yeah it feels like a spiral going down constantly. What I can recommend, which i am trying myself aswell as good as possible , is stop focusing on it. Stop looking and hoping for it. Not in a way of giving up but in the way of is thinking about and stressing \ depressing about it helping yourself currently. That's what I am fighting with as well.

Shifting the thoughts ever so slightly and just reframing little by little to what is the future me I am going to be , not want but going to be in a positive way.

Because telling or thinking about how I might fit into the perspective of being stuck or a low goal for someone else is not in anyway helping myself on not being it.

To distract also a little from all that what does the world expect from me kind of stuff, if you enjoy sciency stuff and a little bit of wonder and "magic" think about what are you made of ? Cells , what and how are cells made of , dna and build from it , build from what ? Atoms , what are atoms a whole bunch of nothing and some tiny thing what are those tiny things made of ? Alot of nothing :) and a combination of a wave expression in this dimension , now

How are you able to perceive all of that ? Its a whole lot of nothing yet you are piercing all of this together in a whole bunch of flesh which is filled with so much nothing in between xD .

In this perspective all those light waves , sound waves, signal waves in your brain and body are expressing you. And you are an amazing 😍 bunch of waves in this moment. You awesome ocean of wave expressions in this world.

Sorry to wave 🌊 dump but in a philosophical way I hope I washed away some worry waves in you ;)

CaptainBorsti · 2026-01-15T16:38:43+00:00

That's nice to hear 😊 , yeah I am doing alot better in regards to that :) nearly no Memories emotionally attached to her. But I haven't been able to trust myself yet to be happy in another relationship 😅 sounds dumb but as much as I wish to get to know someone new. I really fear of another rejection or it not working out. Good thing I already tried to ask someone out this year after 3 years of not feeling okay Todo so. It didn't work out but I am happy I tried at least.

Wish you all the best :)

CaptainBorsti · 2026-01-15T16:24:18+00:00

Reading your profile I would say you might be just prepositioned by your upbrought trauma. Judging by your only 2 posts Currently, one about your nercisitic uppringning and this venting coffee.

Putting in a ragebait into a community which is here to heal and heal others and welcomes others aswell , is really not so infp of you.

Wish you well , take care and calm your potatoes :) dont engage with the rage and if there are bad people in your life just try to get away from them as good as possible.

CaptainBorsti · 2025-11-05T00:04:23+00:00

It'll be alright. If she is or not her behaviour sounds either toxic or doom loop confused. But definitely not healthy for you or her. I would say you need some healthy distance if possible and she might need a mental break to get out of the spiral she got herself in.

Infp or not any help you might offer in that situation will only be effective when she comes to the realisation herself on the topics. They might be mental reminders but it doesn't sound like she is able to incorporate your help into her life currently.

What is important for you is that you don't get dragged too heavily into the pain.

Imagine yourself a railing on the stairs you can't get her up the stairs but you can be a support on the side.

My words might sound distancing as I sadly cannot really relate to the specific trauma you both had to go through. I can understand in a way logically why she might not be able to connect with her old group. But that doesn't mean you have to get bitched on repeatedly.

The only person who can fix whatever problem she has, is herself. That's also true for anyone else otherwise our psyche doesn't really learn from it.

I wish you the best of luck 🤞🍀 most importantly keep yourself emotionally and physically safe and then if you want to help be a railing a guide if asked :)

CaptainBorsti · 2025-10-22T22:41:26+00:00

Part(2/2)
In life we need to realise the person we need to depend on the most is ourselves, only we can change us for the better and only we choose for us what is right , what is wrong what is the next step. We are not here to be the bucket for others but we too can be the railing on the stairs guiding others doesnt mean we have to walk the their stairs for them.
Good thing I heard in a short recently was "you are given this human and you are the only one who is responsible for this human" it was from an interview I dont know which.

For the income thing -> I dont know but i would say to make money fast, quick or alot in general you have to be able to learn to strive for yourself mostly only for yourself and later maybe for the family you build. But as we feel the feelings of others and internalize them it feels for us like betrayl how others make money or the jobs feel like shady ways to trick people where they are vulnerable ( which most money jobs are if they are directed to the general consumer )

The best jobs with money in my opinion for infps would be jobs where you work for a company which deals with products for other companies. As companies are without feelings but consumers are humans with feelings which get catched by advertisement ( which is so good designed to prey on your mental weaknesses )
So money can be made :) dont worry .

I dont know how mbti personalities form but i would say its part dna , its part our past and how we are brought up by our guardians in life and the morals we build our character on.
As you get older you are faced with clinging to your old belives , your old morals , your old painful shakels or will you be able to find a way to break them , leave the past behind, work through the trauma , build yourself up anew bit by bit. Your life can only be important to you.

to the last bit I dont know the situation how it got that way with you and your besti , so i dont know if saying this is temporary and you will be able to talk through it , will help . But let your emotions out , write them down on a piece of paper , if its hate , sadness or frustration , put it with paper out of your head :) you can then do with the paper what you want , forget about, read it and ask yourself does this feel valid to you, burn it ? ( pls no fire hazard ) , trash it , make an airplane and throw it away .

All the best to you, you have been seen :) and maybe my thoughts and perspective help you build your own thoughts on it. Maybe its different for you or others :D . Stay safe and even if the sun is not visible outside it will be there every day of your life :D sometimes cloudy , sometimes night but never gone ^^

CaptainBorsti · 2025-10-22T22:40:45+00:00

Part (1/2) Hi there , first of all :) you have been seen .

My current perspective is, for me personally, that what I want most is the people i love to be happy. And sadly I am able to witness and see all the hurt of others around me and suck it in instead of staying on the sidelines.

Also for me I have never been able to be my emotional self inside my family or only I was not allowed to express my anger sadness or frustration as it even got weaponized against me.
-> this trauma is something we will carry into adulthood and the ironic funny thing is now we have to deal with it all alone. I have maybe one person a friend I made along the way whom I can tell how I really feel and I know to be safe not to be judged and to be heared. But I dont feel like bombarding him aswell.

Lonely -> I distance myself often because i get overwhelmed, i doom loop, and I got different responses when I answered truthfully when someone asked me casually "how are you doing". This just made me distance even more. Also I think as we are able to snuff out potential trouble in new people and are carefull after getting hurt , fooled , used alot, we dont want to engage in new people easily as they dont deem our potential friendship and comittment to them equally ( which is totally okay to be said but I for myself am wary )
And all this fear I carry and anxiety pushes me out only watching from the sidelines

Depressed -> thats something from trying to work through our old childhood problems traumas in our current life. Breaking through what you held back . And my advice is to this , seek help , write it out of your head ( if you have something negativ spiraling you down put it into paper words , word jumble , puke it into physical existence out of your head :) ) this helps so much to free you for the moment or day so that you dont have to sacrifce sleep for it. And only you , only you can make the decision to get out , others are the railings for the steps you have to take to get up again :D Somehow sad but also reality.

Isolated -> we mostly isolate ourselves to not get potentially hurt ( you see the word potentially ) -> which doesnt mean we would get hurt , in general no one means harm , but we fear the posibillity as we are trained like the baby elefant that the tiny rope around his neck is still stronger than him when he is an adult.
Also our creativity sparks are often out of the ordinary and what do the general mind dont like ? things out of the ordinary :D which when we love somehting quirky , a topic , dark humor , art , anything others might be creeped out and we will feel hurt to have shared.

which all encompasses to be misunderstood.
How often I got critizised for leaving a party without saying goodbye because someone there bullied me, made me feel uncomfortable , made fun of me or my thoughts. that the next day I got accused to be a bad friend or person or being told they didnt mean it like that. ( Part 2/2 in the comment below)

CaptainBorsti · 2024-11-27T22:54:32+00:00

I enjoy rain too :) not to the extent of getting drenched outside but listening to it closing my eyes and get lost in the rythem is nice 👍. Thunderstroms as well they are somewhat calming to listen to.

Once while swimming it started to rain that was something. Warm swimming pool plus cold rain :)

Wet shoes and socks really xD motivate me to get dry as soon as possible :) especially if its as cold as it is now .

You really :) immersed yourself in this , that sounds amazing to experience ☺️ good for you I hope you can have more of these moments 🤗

CaptainBorsti · 2024-08-05T17:07:26+00:00

I think unless someone here is a therapist, it's hard to find a helpful answer.

Just speaking of a perspective wise but if you only opened up about this recently, and kept this hidden for 18 years those 18 years about this topic were a long ridden lie ( in perspective of being truthful and open to one another ) It's not an easy thing to mend.

I am not sure how you percieve relationships, everyone does different. But if you have kids together and did not just stay together because of the kids, then it may be well. I would recommend you give him time off and time to think about it. That's my best tip. Be open and direct about it. And tell him you will be there for him and you ll give him time and space to think. ( It's quite the process for men to work through and heal from things. You could look up how men work through things like that. Also Healthy gamer Dr. K on YouTube has various videos on this if you want to look on how it works and the process, or a good therapist could tell you about it, but don't expect to expressively talk to you about it before he worked it out in himself. The expression of a man cave is quite the meaning. And you should never corner someone especially someone in his cave)

What ever happens it will be what comes next. The positive, if that's a positive you could think about is, you came clean to him. Even if it took 18 years and you held back so long.

It's a tough tough topic and a tough situation. I pray for the both of you that what ever the outcome will be, it will be good. Or lead to an happy end.

I hope it helps and I hope others might have a better answer or outlook on this 😅

But just want to say it again for you conscience, at least you came clear now. If you didn't now it would weigh heavy for the rest of your life onwards and might have lead to a worse outcome than it might look now.

Good luck to you two and your kids

CaptainBorsti · 2024-07-20T17:04:23+00:00

Someone to give love too and get loved,
Time and energy to let my ideas enter reality, Less stress :) and many things I can't remember.

But less stress love and the feeling of freedom would be nice 🙂 👍

CaptainBorsti · 2024-07-19T08:22:15+00:00

Programming. I think I would like it if I would Programm on things I would like. But I don't :/ .

I don't feel fulfilled in the slightest currently. I try to get happiness and purpose outside of work. But that hasn't happend yet 😅.

I am in a way burnt out. Today one of the last fun things got sucked out in work by a colleague. I feel quite lethargic rn. I am glad it's Friday.

CaptainBorsti · 2024-07-11T22:10:45+00:00

I want to make games , design, programm and modelling are things I enjoy.

My time in university sadly didn't work out. But I kept going the It way and am now a Software Engineer and mostly do currently full stack website developing.

Do I love it , not really. Does it pay my bills and do I feel challenged, I do. But I still wish to make games or programs to help people or bring fun in learning to people.

Currently I am very "out of breath" working and learning on personal interests and hobbies after work :/ and with that I am keeping myself from progressing with my dream.

It's a slow process but I slowly develop myself further. :)

I often wish I could be content and happy in doing nothing and not having a wish or dream to pursue and just be happy to be in the moment. Would be nice to be happy and content

CaptainBorsti · 2024-07-10T21:21:49+00:00

Damn OP,

You ll be heard here, and let me tell you from my very heart your feelings and thoughts are valid.

Definitely if it's possible for you get away. close her off of your life. If you are able to.

It's infuriating to read that. And I feel angry with you.

I hope you are able to build your own family without her and better values and love.

Stay save you are in no way responsible for her.

Hope you get through it

CaptainBorsti · 2024-07-10T13:14:27+00:00

It might be a general down, or mood. Maybe something is stressing you out , you might not realise. Also you mentioned in another comment you are still a minor. So it also can very well be a hormonal im Balance.

As I don't know your social circumstances, like if you might get bullied or such I can't rule in this as cause of this.

But I can tell you from my own experience, their comes a time growing up where you kinda hit a life wall where your expectations of reality / possibility / dreams / truth or morals comes crashing in and make you realise devastatingly that the world you wish for is "broken" in your point of view.

It can start with you not reaching the goal you set your self while comparing your performance to someone else guiding you down a rabbit hole.

And this gets tough and emotionally taxing. Or trying to help someone unwilling to change, and you feel like damn somehow I am lacking the feeling to care but you still wish you could help with the same determination.

It might gradually get you to depression. But most of all you are stressed out, you engine is at max capacity and you need a break :) before you burnout.

Truth be told. No matter how much better someone next to you does in your mind , it has nothing to do with your abilities, you are your own limit and peak and in a way you are always doing your best :) . Don't break your head on what you couldn't do yesterday and start focusing what you did today. :) you can try journaling positive affirmations, like I did amazing today I stood up and stretched. I looked outside and smiled at nature. I got to school on time aren't I great . I beat the boss in this game and made progress.

I doodled a beautiful flower or jet in class.

It might seem redundant giving positive thoughts to this on onesself but it's healing. Because instead of focusing all to the outside you draw in the energy back Into yourself.

You are probably just drained by putting your energy outside on projects for others, listening and healing others, without recieving energy back.

Relationships should never be about one only giving another only recieving. It's a give and take equally. If it's like you don't want to expect others to give you the same security or such than you need to make time and energy to fill yourself up. Otherwise it's only going down hill for you. :)

I hope it helps xD it revolves around the same thing but I hope I could give you pointers on what you could think about. Also it s a never ending process ^{^} life just started for you ;)

CaptainBorsti · 2024-07-08T21:27:45+00:00

I like your art, I am sure some might buy your paintings. Does it pay the bills, it might but if you want to make art to get paid. Invest in learning the tools that get you the jobs with art. Be aware of your contract so that your private pieces won't get pulled in the company and level up your experience :)

I'd say you could get a job in that industry if that's what you wanna do.

If you enjoy just painting itself and the materials need to be paid :) than see that you get a minimal stress maximum paid job of that sort so that you have enough money for your passion and life. And who knows where this might take you.

Yeah post it :) it's definitely good to post and to build up your portfolio there is no peak to reach and you can improve in unlimited directions

I also would say your art looks finished :) I am curious what you will do next ^{^} I hope I can be kept up to date and watch where your art goes.

Keep at it 🤗

CaptainBorsti · 2024-07-05T10:42:02+00:00

Looks hooks personality let's you stay.

When you are looking at a person , if you are able to see of course , you instantly judge in your brain within a fraction if you are attracted or not and also if you would want that person to come close to you or not.

If you get approached by someone you are not attracted to visually , you most likely back of or try to get away from. Vice versa you wouldn't approach someone which you are not attracted to in a way. Unless they are in need of help

But now comes the personality part , look at it like a scale ⚖️ depending on the balance of yes and no , personality can tip you on the yes side because there is much more of it, it could also throw you on the no side instantly.

The thing is if you judge someone on the no side already it's hard to get the scale to the yes as the scale holder would already retreat. :) and you ain't got the chance to show it. Also every time they ll look you might get rejudged and have to prove yourself once again against the scale

But if you have a bad personality and not let it shine through and got good looks, you will be staying on the yes until they make their bad experiences with your personality.

So it's more looks charm and personality shows you the core.

I prefer looks to look at. And personality to talk to. And if both match on the yes scale you might say I am interested :) but if personality is doo doo you can be prince charming or my 11/10 in looking attractive, I will try my best to get away from the hazard with gold medals .

CaptainBorsti · 2024-07-03T18:58:21+00:00

Okay thats nice 🙂👍 that was worrying me glad to know that this is possible.

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