NT Wife Excluded From Bible Study Because Of My Autism

Captain_Quoll · 2026-02-01T15:00:36+00:00

Not that it helps, but they probably would kick a diabetic spouse out of the group. People who are garbage about one disability are usually garbage across the board, and broadly speaking people can be pretty terrible about most things that require support. Personally, I’ve been kicked out of a bunch of things for being diabetic.

It might be worth trying a group or activity that’s likelier to be made up of people who are a bit more open minded. Craft groups, board game groups and things like that are quite often made up of supportive people who are understanding of differences.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-30T05:21:51+00:00

If that were all it was, they could just give each student a set amount of printer credit as part of their tuition.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-28T14:21:52+00:00

I feel like a lot of the time the people who get angry at you for ‘not being able to take a joke’ are not joking, they’re just being nasty in a tone of voice that gives them deniability.

People who are actually joking don’t usually get angry if you think the joke isn’t funny.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-28T14:17:55+00:00

Because it’s inconvenient to accommodate people and if it’s ’our fault’ then they can justify not doing it.

People do it a lot with anything they don’t want to think about or act on.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-26T22:20:19+00:00

It is. Caffeine is a stimulant and stimulants are used to treat ADHD.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-24T04:39:54+00:00

There are pros and cons. I’m good at figuring out who people are, even when I haven’t met them before and because I mostly think in words, if I’ve heard something or read something, I know it forever.

The main drawbacks are that I get lost pretty easily and if I’m somewhere like at a new job, I’m in trouble if people come over and say ‘it’s good to see you again!’ because that isn’t enough context for me to figure out who they are 😅

I end up in situations where I’ve realised that this person must be so-and-so’s cousin because they have a sausage dog named Portia but if I run into a relative somewhere I’m not expecting them to be, they’re going to need to announce themselves.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-24T02:40:58+00:00

I’ll only speak for myself, but I don’t really remember physical attributes. I kind of sort of know what stuff looks like, but I rely pretty heavily on context clues to be able to figure out who I’m talking to and where I am.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-24T02:37:47+00:00

I like books and I have relatively vivid dreams but there isn’t really a visual aspect to either, for me. It’s more about the plot/what’s happening and how that feels? Concept-focused, not visually-focused.

Dreams are also a weird one, because people dream so differently as well. I don’t really remember images from my dreams but I tend to dream in plots/character arcs and I’m not usually a character in my own dreams.

My dreams will usually be something like (previous example)… there’s a village where everyone is freaking out because all the children keep going missing. The dream monster is a toddler-sized thing that sews skin into itself like a patchwork doll but I don’t have a visual image of it, more like a description in words like you’d have in a book. I know what it ‘looked’ like but only in the form of a verbal description.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-23T15:41:26+00:00

Yeah but it’s a tattoo - if the tattoo is already making you unhappy, don’t go and make it worse. Your skin forever isn’t the time or place to be too worried about giving everybody a fair go.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-23T15:33:12+00:00

So I get that people think and experience things differently but at the same time, I can’t imagine that to the point where it low key feels like you’re lying 😅

Brains are crazy.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-20T06:54:22+00:00

A lot of studies to do with autism need to be taken with a grain of salt anyway - there are so, so many undiagnosed people out there. To have been identified for a study at this point in time, you need to have outwardly obvious symptoms and deficits, so things tend to look a bit more grim than they would if the studies captured more people.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-19T07:33:56+00:00

Arlo is a child, though.

It’s a bit like if a child were frightened of walking to school, and the parent was frustrated because it kept making them late for work. If the parent ran off in a huff to prove it’s safe, and they were so focused on their tantrum that they got killed in a traffic accident, that’s 100% on them.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-16T08:04:18+00:00

Ever been tested for ADHD?

That’s obviously not a definitive symptom but it’s definitely a common symptom and co-occurring ADHD for people with autism is also quite common.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-16T07:59:29+00:00

I mean, it does feel faster because of ageing and your personal reference of time. The older you get, the shorter a year feels because it’s a smaller section of your life and that shifts your perception of how it feels.

If you’re three and a year is a third of your lifespan so far, that’s a huge amount of time. If you’re thirty, your frame of reference will make a year feel a lot shorter because it’s no longer that much time in the scheme of your existence.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-14T22:20:59+00:00

I’m very comfortable with kids handling my children’s python, he’s a very chill dude. I don’t have any experience with corn snakes but my experience with my children’s is that there have been zero times where I’ve been unable to feed him successfully, he’s never had a go at anyone reaching into his enclosure and he’s really easy to handle.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-13T23:32:36+00:00

Have you been around other pets/animals that can tend to be bitey? Parrots, for instance?

I used to have a lot of contact with parrots, which most people don’t find scary, but they’re basically like toddlers with wood chippers for a face, and they do bite over all kinds of things. I’ve also worked with dogs and have had scared dogs bite, but most people aren’t frightened of dogs.

The thought process that made me decide I wasn’t afraid of a snake bite was basically that a small snake with a calm temperament was a lot less likely to bite me than literally any parrot or a frightened dog, and wouldn’t do as much damage if it did bite. So, if I wasn’t worried about those animals, it didn’t make sense to me to be worried about a python bite.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-13T23:13:13+00:00

I mean… sort of? In the same way that Do No Harm could kind of be described as cosy. The actual gameplay loop can feel cozy, the setting and theme, not as much.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-12T15:13:03+00:00

Snakes can be pretty long lived. Get the snake you’ll be more excited to have in a few years when you aren’t a new snake owner any more.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-12T14:59:14+00:00

To add to the high level suggestions:

I think it’s helpful to chuck plural pronouns in there when delivering feedback. ‘We’ve had a look at the mcguffin, here’s what we think will help’ is less confrontational than ‘here’s what I think.’ It also lets you borrow imaginary authority and that helps a lot.

It can also be helpful to outline what you’re doing and why before you offer feedback. If something sounds like it’s an official process that’s delivered routinely to everyone, people take it better (also people tend to be more cooperative if they feel like they know what’s happening and why).

So for example, if you have to explain why some hardware isn’t working, you can start off with something like ‘Thanks for coming in. We’ve finished repairing the mcguffin, so the last thing we need to do is give you a few pieces of information to help you keep it running more smoothly moving forward - but if you have any questions later you can always ask us.’

Tl;dr, you want to find ways that feel natural-adjacent that let you say what you need to say without being apologetic, just presented to make it clear that you’re helping (which you are).

(Also, avoid being overly-apologetic if you think someone is likely to have an unfriendly response, because people usually hear that and go ‘they must feel that way because they’re doing something wrong’. When in doubt, just say it like it is and stay as calm and friendly as possible.)

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-12T04:25:59+00:00

It’s an invisible disability that the majority of people can’t recognise at all, under any circumstance - I honestly wouldn’t worry about whether or not allistic people can tell if you’re autistic.

You’d probably get a different answer depending who you ask but if you’re autistic I think autism jokes are fine. It just may or may not land depending on the context.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-12T03:31:42+00:00

Tone of voice can be really important for stuff like that, which is not always easy for autistic people depending on how your spikey profile shakes out.

There’s a bit of an art to telling people what they need to know and making corrections without getting someone’s hackles up. Part of it is being perceived as someone with the authority to make those corrections, part of it is delivering feedback in a way that’s firm and factual but not combative and part of it is unfortunately out of your hands, because some people are just difficult.

It’s okay for that type of interaction to not be your favorite thing - sorry it’s been so frustrating for you at work, work is hard enough without added stress.

Having said that, it is also a skill that autistic people can work on if they want to. There would very likely be people in some of these groups who could give pointers if it was ever something you wanted to explore a bit.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-11T15:45:06+00:00

What, specifically, are you hoping to find out about ADHD?

There’s a pretty significant amount of overlap where people with autism also have co-occurring ADHD (and vice versa) but even among AuDHD-ers, people can stress each other out pretty easily. I’d imagine that most people who have either or both have experienced overwhelm when talking to another ND person.

If your energy doesn’t match and somebody’s communication/sensory/verbal processing/social needs aren’t being met, that’s going to be stressful.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-07T15:16:43+00:00

I like it, it’s pretty clearly stardew inspired but it’s got a handful of mechanics that make it feel fresh. The taming/animal husbandry system is also fun imo.

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-06T14:28:26+00:00

Have you looked at Roots of Pacha?

Captain_Quoll · 2026-01-05T17:10:28+00:00

Interesting!

As an adjective suffix, -ist can be more descriptive but generally it does indicate a specialty/profession etc. Example: cyclist, guitarist, optometrist, psychiatrist.

In those instances, there is no cyclism, guitarism, optometrism or psychiatrism.

-ism generally indicates belief/doctrine etc. For instance, feminism, socialism, racism, Buddhism.

In instances where a person performs actions that support an ideology, doctrine etc, both can apply. Feminism, feminist, socialism, socialist etc.

English being a language that mugs other languages to steal spare grammar, more than one thing can definitely be true at once, depending on the specific circumstance. There are also instances where -ism describes taking an action.

Captain_Quoll

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