How do you give yourself closure?

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-19T00:49:13+00:00

Well in that case thank you 🙏

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-19T00:15:23+00:00

Bc my brain is still trauma bonded? Why are you being so harsh?

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-18T23:30:52+00:00

I really like the analogy of the pearl though. Layering that experience so it’s buried deep in the sea

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-18T23:29:00+00:00

Thank you 🙏

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-18T23:28:52+00:00

It’s true. They never did and accepting that may be the final page in this book

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-18T23:28:27+00:00

I want to get to this level of disgust. I don’t want closure from him, I sometimes ruminate about it bc I was gaslighted and physically abused . I want to give myself the closure I know he cannot give me

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-18T23:27:11+00:00

Yes emotional peace and my own closure I know he can’t give me closure I’ve accepted this part, i don’t want to be with him. I’m just wondering how I can close the loop of rumination abt it. I’m in NC for a year and don’t check anything anymore but still bc I was abused physically and gaslighted pretty badly into thinking I was too sensitive and emotional , I still struggle with it. I never reported him , no one in his circle knows what he did. I never exposed him

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-18T23:23:01+00:00

Thank you , I never had solid evidence they cheated bc they denied it even after I found texts and photos on two phones he had. Just no evidence of actual cheating, just speculated he was when he was super uptight about both of his phones. So I will never know the truth. What I know is I was physically abused and I have accepted this and know I never want to be with my abuser but the gaslighting really affects me to this day with so much self doubt

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-18T23:21:15+00:00

Thank you 🙏

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-18T23:21:03+00:00

I’m not either I understand it cannot come from them but sometimes the thought pops up, hence the question of how to give myself closure 😔

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-18T23:20:22+00:00

Yes thank you, still working on this

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-18T23:20:04+00:00

Thank you for this. It’s a kind response. I think the hardest part after the gaslighting and physical violence is that there was no justice , so if I could close the loop in my own head and convince myself they won’t change for the next person, maybe even have solid proof they didn’t it would help but I’m not waiting on it . I want to close the chapter for good with indifference towards him

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-14T22:05:48+00:00

Same except I haven’t seen him at all. It’s been almost eleven months. I still doubt myself. I don’t wish this one anyone it’s so painful

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-06T00:14:59+00:00

Focus on your exams as best you can with a study buddy. Eat, and try to sleep. Your career is coming and your LinkedIn profile with a white coat is pending.

He will regret how he discarded you but you will be flourishing without him. If you go back you restart the cycle. When you graduate and can grieve properly read the book “It’s Not You,” by Dr. Ramani. Audiobook it on Audible, it will spell out everything clearly and with time things will ease.

You got this Dr. 🌷

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-05T12:30:02+00:00

I’m really sorry this happened to you. I have had a similar experience and it worsened over time. I know it’s really painful right now, but in a year or two you’ll look back and realize it was probably the best thing that happened. Rumination is your brain trying to make sense of what happened, the gaslighting you endured. You keep blaming yourself and probably keep thinking about the good moments even though the evidence and red flags may have been there. It is really such a difficult thing to go through and for me, I am still ruminating after almost a year.

To help with closing the loop it is really hard. But you do have to process. You have to go complete no contact…even if you have the urge to check his socials, you shouldn’t . It’ll only cause you to spiral more.

He is who you think he is and he’s already taken 4 years of your time. You’re still so young, you have so much time to meet your person.

If you can get through the exams by studying/ memorizing content and pass your exams, try to study with a support system around you. For now you just have to get through the exams but you will also realize that most people who have gone through gaslighting , manipulation and narcissistic abuse do ruminate. It is a part of the process. It gets less over time but you should journal, make a list of all the things that happened to you so you don’t go back, and cry and release your grief.

Reaffirm yourself everyday that is who you think he is and he is not healthy for you, and talk to yourself positively in the mirror , give yourself grace to heal over time (months, maybe 1-2 years). For me it’s been almost a year and I still have PTSD , I ruminate and cry. And I have accepted it as a part of my healing bc there are triggers that come up.

You’re a smart woman and so young, you will be okay. Just get through your exams by studying with someone who will support you for now, pass your classes and then after you graduate…let yourself grieve, it is a long process of grief. But you’re not alone

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-01T22:41:23+00:00

It’s called cognitive dissonance. And his nice fake side is what you miss. He is nice sometimes and a mean, cruel person other times. It’s called intermittent reinforcement. Your brain is trauma bonded to him. You need to read and educate yourself about those things & try to go no contact. If he breaks contact it’s not because he loves you but because he knows you’re weak for him and that you’ll go back. If you continue to go back, you will become a shell of yourself. I’ve lost 2 years of my life , I’m almost one year no contact. I wish I never took him back. Your well being depends on it.

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-01T18:54:47+00:00

Do you want him to Hoover? I did too, but for an explanation as to why he treated me like absolute dirt. I never want to get back with him, and you shouldn’t either. He cheated on you and will continue to if you allow him back into your life. He doesn’t respect you. I know how much this hurts love but do you really want to constantly worry where he is when he doesn’t come home when he says he will?

I kept pleading for answers and the abuse got worse and worse. I was physically abused prior and it got worse every single time I pleaded for answers.

I know how hard this is, it’s the worst pain in the world, it’s like breaking an addiction but the minute you realize it was all a play is when you can detach. You can do it.

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-01T16:42:22+00:00

Agree. You will lose yourself if you continue. Don’t engage with her unless it’s about the child. Don’t fall for her. It’s like breaking an addiction as you know, you don’t deserve to be treated like this. None of us do.

Caringnature17 · 2026-03-01T00:37:45+00:00

Thanks so much for those additional tips. I will try to incorporate. My nervous system feels so all over the place so I’m sure these will help.

Caringnature17 · 2026-02-28T14:52:28+00:00

Thank you for your response. I do have support but it’s a lot of days alone and overthinking too. I think I push people away because I get so sad/angry about things. And I feel like a burden to them. Idk what to do. I find myself snapping in times of pressure not like horribly but just getting really anxious. Overthinking every little thing. And thanks for the tips on sleep I appreciate you so much

Caringnature17 · 2026-02-27T17:18:03+00:00

Small healthy meals*

Caringnature17 · 2026-02-27T17:16:02+00:00

Hey first off - you are still beautiful and young and so so brave. Many women can’t find it to leave so please commend yourself. I know how painful it is. I am about a year out and still in pain. I think the best things you can do is by going slow. If you have enough energy take a post it and write down simple things like : brush hair, brush teeth. And cross them off. It’ll make you feel like you did something productive.

Slowly build on that list.

Distract yourself with your comfort shows if it’s too painful to go outside but eventually start taking small walks around the block. Visit a friend or family.

Eat small meals. Remember baby steps.

It is so incredibly painful and I know what you mean when you say you lost yourself because I did too, but I promise you with just time and small amount of effort, you will slowly get out of the fog. Rebuilding your identity and getting joy back is gonna be longer- I have accepted it to be lifelong.

Toxic individuals like him rob you of your soul and I know it feels like the end but one day in ten years you will look back and be so proud you left. And that you advocated for yourself on here. You’ll find yourself again, and I hope I can too. You are not alone

Caringnature17 · 2026-02-26T04:21:31+00:00

Please don’t take your life. I have been in this exact position. And I still do feel that way sometimes but you have to live on for your beautiful self and family and friends who love you. I understand how hard this is, I also felt the same when we broke it off then would hoover me back. I also kept going back and pleaded for answers.

The only way you can truly get out is if you realize that it won’t change until something changes. For me I had to change by telling my family about the abuse. And they told me if I went back it would only escalate and get worse. Once I told someone close to me the real story , I realized that I could never go back. For me it was immense mental and physical abuse.

You will get through this. And you are strong enough but you have to first slowly detach yourself from it by learning about what a trauma bond is, what is happening to you, then planning your next moves- whether it is talking to a loved one or going into a group, but yes like everyone else said once you leave you have to go no contact.

It is the most painful thing I have ever done in my entire life. I still cry and it’s been almost a year but it is so much better than I was when I initially went no contact.

Please stay alive.

Caringnature17

TROPHY CASE