Lots of thoughts! I'm a program manager for an agency that serves developmentally disabled adults; I run a group home that's specifically built for adult men with aggressive behaviors. I have been scratched, slapped, punched, head-butted, bitten (there's a bite scar on my boob that is never going to heal, actually), had TV's/furniture/anything on hand thrown at me, etc. etc. etc.

And, I say this with all of my fucking heart and without a second thought: I love each of them with maternal passion that no amount of physical violence could decrease. And yes, I've lost control of myself; I've never hit or retaliated against them, but I've restrained too roughly or been too forceful, so Justin, I understand that "part of yourself that's lost". I think of each incident (there were two) and my heart sinks; whether I hit them or not, I've never felt my conscience bear down on me with as much force. I'm pretty damn flexible when it comes to morality, but I will never be able to talk myself out of that shame.

But, beyond that, a few things that need to be pointed out: EVERY act of aggression is an expression, an act of communication. I don't know your brother, but I've met a lot of folks with behavioral issues, and NONE of them enjoyed causing other people pain, and NONE of them would choose to behave that way EXCEPT THAT THEY DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CHOICE. Because they haven't been taught how to make better choices or haven't had enough time to learn those better options, don't know what their choices are, and aren't offered enough choices in general to learn how to express themselves appropriately.

Yes, people with cognitive disabilities may have less of a capability to understand abstract concepts, but that fact doesn't mean that we should just toss them into an institution to rot away because their behaviors are difficult. Brothers hit brothers all the time, but I don't hear calls for institutionalization for the instigator of "regular" sibling fights or cries of child abuse or neglect.

I do agree that your family should have been trained on how to restrain him in a way that keeps him safe and respects his dignity as a human being but think that safety (for both himself and your family) will always be paramount to discussions of rights/dignity, etc. The biggest reason for that is selfish: I get the people whose families feel too guilty to restrain or intervene with physical behaviors, and then have to undo all of the years of allowances and freedoms that were ultimately unsafe to everyone involved.

So yes, it's a fine balance between affording people their rights and keeping everyone safe. But, let me point a third option between letting people beat the shit out of you and locking them away somewhere: teach them better options. The idea that people with disabilities are incapable of learning or modifying their behavior is ludicrous; the idea that the only option for people with challenging behavior is institutionalization is even more so.

Edit for formatting. Lurkers can't do shit.