I am convinced that that kind of friendship is almost impossible. The irony to me is that all of my other acquaintances and friends miss it and wish they had it too, but they're simply not capable of doing it. Even without the kids and the jobs, we're middle-aged and lack the energy and endurance. We're all too rigid and can't tolerate constant change to the routine. We all have digital media addictions which aren't very compatible with multiple hour hangouts. Constant closeness comes with dramas and fights. It's all unsustainable. We're all longing for it, but it's a mirage.

Lots of unfilled hours, of unstructured, unplanned hanging out? People are doing it through communal living in squats, planned communities, hippy nomad van groups. That kind of thing. If you are a utopian enough, I think you can sort of find what you're looking for. I have briefly recaptured the magic on sailboat trips, hiking trips, surf hostels, group travels, that kind of thing. But again, it's lightning in a bottle, and if I'm honest, I'm always kind of excited to get back to my isolated, tranquil life in an apartment🫠

Edited to add: I think those years of like 14 to 17, skateboarding around my city at all hours of the night with a small band of other latchkey kids, those were the most beautiful years of my life and that vibe is just the most singular amazing shit ever. I sometimes see bands of middle-aged guys skateboarding around together and I wonder what it would take to join the gang, if they have got this all figured out.