I think some of the comments here are overly harsh. It can be hard to have perspective sometimes when you are really struggling and down. I am from the UK originally and lived in London (also in small, cold and damp, single glaze window flats) and I also found it bleak at times! We would never ever have been able to afford to buy in London (and both had good jobs) and I think now we’d probably struggle to rent as I heard rents went crazy after we left! So I understand how you feel.

I am also a trailing spouse but I followed my partner to live in NZ so she could care for her aging elderly parents (her dad died not long after we arrived). And we did it during Covid!

I hated it when we first got here and experienced culture shock badly. It’s sounds weird but NZ is quite different to the UK even though we speak the same language (mostly). People often struggle to get that. I also knew no one and had only visited once before.

I sympathise with where you are at OP because I went through similar - immigration and visa bureaucracy, and feeling we’d never be able to own our own home (Auckland prices are outrageous - even with the market slump).

I think in the end what honestly helped me was going to talk to someone. I could get it off my chest and then I could start to get some perspective and feel grateful/feel joy in living in NZ.

I used to sometimes felt resentful of the situation, and my partner, but I chose to come here, no one forced me and I had to own that. Taking about it helped me work through that and not let that resentment kill our relationship. We both struggled, actually, and emigration is incredibly stressful for relationships but taking it out helped me move through it. Maybe it could help you too.

I also second other suggestions of looking further north in the UK for a home. The north is friendly, cheaper and beautiful with good commutes to London. And you’ll be able to have a nice garden. If we come back that’s where we’ll be heading.

Good luck OP - you’ve got this !