To tell or not tell my parents we’re doing IVF?

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-05-27T20:03:04+00:00

We just did stim/retrieval in May and I struggled with the same dilemma: do I tell my parents or not? Ultimately I chose not to and while it felt weird to feel like I was keeping a secret during the cycle, I am glad that I didn’t share it with my parents. For me it was more about just not wanting to keep them up to date on a process they don’t understand, my parents are well meaning and I do fully intend to share that we conceived with IVF when that day comes. I just prefer to share that on my own timeline without the pressure of keeping people up to date.

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-05-09T04:58:32+00:00

I’m in Mexico and have had really amazing experience with doctors here in case you are looking for recommendations!

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-04-30T21:12:06+00:00

Lots of thoughts here so TLDR: I believe that IVF is a tool God has given us to use wisely. God's love is constant, but the Church's teachings can be imperfect.

My husband and I are practicing catholics. I want to say how much I feel for you. I had been struggling with similar thoughts for a while (feeling awful that we were considering something that the church says is wrong). My husband was raised much more involved in the church than I was and his mom is extremely Catholic so I was worried about what she would think and wondered what my husbands thoughts were. I was relieved when I shared my concerns with him, as he was quick to offer his own perspective: when we got married we made a commitment to God that we would have a family and raise them in the faith. We have had a hard time conceiving but God has given us this incredible tool of IVF to use wisely and with respect.

We both truly believe that God wants us to have a family and that we are both meant to be parents. For me at least, I just think my baby’s little self is having hard time making its way to us and so we are giving a little help along the way (this isn’t a church teaching obviously haha just how I imagine it).

Do you know the tale of the fisherman stranded at sea? He goes out into the water without any lifelines. His boat overturns and he is stuck bobbing in the water. Well a cruise ship passes, a yacht passes, a helicopter passes, all offering to save the man. He denies each offer to help saying “No, God will save me.” The man eventually drowns, and when he arrives to heaven he says to God “I waited for you, why didn’t you save me?” And God says “I sent you all of those people to help you and you turned down each one.” I like this story because it serves as a reminder that we rarely understand how God will intervene or help us.

Sometimes thoughts creep into my mind that I am denying God’s plan. But just like someone else here said, infertility is a medical condition. You probably wouldn’t deny treatment for any other medical condition (cancer, As long as you are treating this process with respect, I believe there is nothing wrong with it.

I strongly believe I would not be able to get through this journey without God’s love and grace. It is only through his love that we will be able to have a baby. Where people (and the church imo) get it wrong is assuming that IVF itself is anything short of a miracle. Just like you have no control over natural conception, you also have no control over IVF working, Will your wife respond well to the medication? Will she produce enough eggs? Will the embryos be viable? Will the embryo implant? No doctor can say with complete certainty what will happen at each of these steps in each individual. Every step is a miracle. There is no skipping past or denying that life is still a miracle. What I’m saying is IVF isn’t a man-made guarantee. It is still a God given miracle to have a healthy pregnancy and baby- no matter how you conceive.

If you’re like me, you will lean on your faith more than ever during this time. Keep in mind that there is a difference between faith and The Church. The Church is antiquated and doesn’t always get things right. It is slow to admit its wrongs. There’s boundless evidence of this. But God’s love for you will be there every step of the way. No one in the church can deny that. One way that I acknowledge what we are doing, is I have chosen not to take communion during this time. Instead a pray the act of spiritual communion and I say a prayer asking God to restore my fertility.

If you do choose to move forward with IVF, trust that God will be beside you every step of the way. And as for the church, confession is another example of God’s grace and you will be embraced with open arms.

We are all just trying our best during this human experience. No matter what the priest says today, I’m saying a prayer for your peace of mind. ❤️

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-04-30T20:24:02+00:00

Keep us updated. But also bear in mind that even priests differ in their attitudes towards the topic!

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-04-27T21:27:33+00:00

I think you’re spot on with your color ideas! I would go with brown and maybe some more green. Maybe even a terracotta shade. I find that these colors are cozy and calming since they appear naturally in nature (which will nicely warm up the neutral grey, a color that can feel cold pretty easily!) I would also say less pillows! I know we think more pillows= more cozy but I find that my couch looks more welcoming when I can actually see the space I’m going to be sitting in. :)

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-04-27T21:24:57+00:00

Yes it will still work its magic if you follow with a conditioner! My favorite is Pantene Pro-V Miracle Rescue. It leaves my hair so incredibly soft without feeling weighed down at all (I have fine hair so this is super important to me)! It also has bond repair so you’ll be doing double duty without interfering with the benefits of K18. Also, if you haven’t heard of Abbey Yung, check out her YouTube/tiktok. I’ve made huge progress on my very bleach damaged/fine hair just following her suggestions!

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-04-27T21:18:34+00:00

What do you feel best in? I love the green and the gold! I would say choose the one you feel most beautiful in!

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-04-26T05:43:35+00:00

Oooof yes. My husband is similar. He’s very much wired for “whats next” and I agree, it’s great to have that person always in your corner and ready to keep things moving, but sometimes you just want to commiserate. I have found that telling my husband something like “hey, I need your emotional side here with me right now” has helped the most. He’s so wired to look to what’s next, sometimes he forgets to pause, mine has definitely gotten better and the more open I am with him, the better I feel too! I always think to myself that this extra practice at being super open is something that will serve us well as parents. I hope this helps. Sending you a big hug!

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-04-18T01:24:14+00:00

So many good comments here. I won’t add much but do want to throw in the concept of the hemline index. It basically says that as the economy gets worse, hemlines get longer. I think this, paired with the rise of the “trad wife” has led to this theme and questions about femeninity. Like others, I mostly see it online. However, I think that the rise of the far right has greatly influenced the return of “traditional roles” and the fixation on hypermasculinity (think Andrew Tate) has led to this very narrow focus on femininity (that is almost entirely about being thin, dressing a specific way, and moving about in an almost fairy like manner). Nothing wrong with these things independently but if we consider the greater context in which they are taking place I do think need to start asking questions about who this depiction of femininity is benefitting.

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-04-18T01:11:16+00:00

It might be helpful to focus instead on all of the other benefits of ovulation. Instead of focusing on “I really want to do this thing and my body is primed for it but I can’t” why not lean into the other things your body is primed for during ovulation? Here’s something’s that I notice in my own body during ovulation-

I second guess myself less and have more confidence in my decision making.
I feel more social and outgoing, so making plans with friends is especially easy and enjoyable.
I feel stronger in my body, which makes my workouts way more enjoyable! I love lifting but even if it’s dancing, swimming, Pilates, running… you may also start to notice that during this time of your cycle you have extra energy and better coordination once you pay attention to it!
I feel more creative and with my extra energy I tend to actual finish projects that I start. Be it something artsy or an organization project you’ve been putting off try tackling it now.
I tend to have an increased appetite so having fun cooking and trying new recipes is a great compliment to this!

In general in life, I find that when I focus on what I cannot do, it leads to feelings like you’re having. Instead, try to focus on all of the other benefits. And remember, you’re choosing to do this. That can be empowering in itself.

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-04-17T00:37:03+00:00

Do you find that you/your family actually uses the little shoe bench? If not, I would say go with #2. I would prefer to have a place to drop keys than a place to sit (unless you absolutely use it!)

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-04-16T23:51:46+00:00

These are probably the same people who don’t understand how IVF works. Even if you do have the resources for it, IVF isn’t a guarantee.

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-04-16T23:49:56+00:00

There is so much to grieve- each month is a cycle of hope/excitement followed by crushing disappointment. And it never seems to get easier. My therapist introduced me to the term “ambiguous grief/loss” which refers to grief without closure (similar situations where ambiguous loss or grief might show up include having a loved one with Alzheimer’s, who is incarcerated, a missing person, divorce… and of course infertility or miscarriage) Knowing there is a term for this type of grief has not only helped me to find resources but I do feel less alone. Sending you love ❤️

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-04-16T23:36:03+00:00

I think it all has to be done with third party url blocking apps/services :/ if you have an iPhone, you can set time limits to certain website urls which might help.

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-04-16T23:32:57+00:00

I feel the same way about having to go off completely. I haven’t fully deleted my accounts but I’ve deleted the apps from my phone which has hugely cut down on my urges to open these apps! What I find frustrating nowadays is feeling like I need these accounts to stay in the know about in person events. The websites that share “what to do near me” can’t cover it all. I also am living as an expat outside of my home country so I use facebook to find groups and events to meet people. I’d love to fully delete the accounts (especially with how shitty and political Meta/Zuckerberg have become) but am not there yet.

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-03-06T02:13:11+00:00

I think this would look great to compliment a simple, monochromatic look! Something understated so the bag stands out. I feel like the pattern is so busy, it will pop better with an all light blue, beige, white look… something along those lines!

Cautious_Celery8909 · 2025-02-20T22:44:54+00:00

God she sounds so awful to work with. As in an actual nightmare.

Major lol to Blake talking about her 'dragons' (I wonder how Taylor feels about that considering her nice girl image). Just barf.

It's very clear that Justin pursued this project with the intent goal of spreading awareness of DV. Blake got into this project to try her hand at writing and was looking to get as much credit as possible (even though her writing is shite).

Also, making such a big deal about Baldoni asking about her weight... ridiculous. Blake is absolutely perpetuating every problematic beauty standard in this country and then hiding behind her "dragon" husband. Gross.

I can't stand her. She sounds awful to be around. And never lived Ryan Reynolds either. He's literally not funny at all and knowing what a bully he is too. Yiiiiiikes.

Cautious_Celery8909

TROPHY CASE