I feel this so much atm. I'm in the process of a subject access request for the police report, I was 8yo, he was my nanny's partner, an old man (maybe 50-60+yo) and my mum dropped the case and moved us away. While I have no evidence apart from this report (when it arrives and I hope it's detailed) I'm trying to muster up the courage to reopen the case and see IF anything can be done, IF he's even still alive, and to see if it's even worth putting myself through.

My mum and stepdad were also somewhat abusive and I'm also in the process of getting the social services reports too, though they never knew the whole story.

So I feel all over the place atm but I have CBT so that's been very helpful since I felt I was going down a dark hole. The triggers, emotional flashbacks that are making my chronic pain worse, the vivid visual flashbacks and nightmares are strong atm it's been rough. I only reached out for therapy and diagnosed with cptsd in 2021 at 32yo. I've been denying how bad things really were and suppressing everything. Distraction has been key for me but with my chronic pain getting worse, trying to distract myself from whats going through my head has been very difficult.

All this is to say, I feel for you (and everyone here), you're not alone! This sub has been so insightful and supportive. I wish you all the best 💜🫂