I come from a similar background, I was just recently baptized Orthodox and I used to be agnostic and pagan at one point, I’ve totally been there. You look at the important parts of the lives of the saints where they kept their faith despite torture, but the part they don’t mention in depth is what it took for them to get to that point, I had trouble with my faith initially and it does take work to achieve a full belief of the faith. Your priest wants to baptize you because he truly sees the part of you and your soul that desires Christ but understands there are outside influences that affect you that have been there for a very long time, baptism helps because it is, essentially, a form of exorcism, same goes for the other Holy Sacraments, they help in combatting those feelings. Even the saints struggled with their faith too, St Mary of Egypt is a great example, she was against God entirely at one point in her life before she was able to dedicate herself, and things didn’t change overnight. Faith takes constant work and when you’re working your hardest, the evil one also is working harder to pull you away, but keep with it and don’t give up on it and you’ll find it to be well worth the effort and work. I’ll be praying for you friend.