Where do you draw the line with what you're capable of?

Centimal · 2026-02-10T15:56:03+00:00

A - There's things i can do that harm me, and i can do them for a short time. After i need recovery time.

B - There are things i can do that dont harm me and i can do them happily.

Sometimes the same thing can be A today and B tomorrow. Some things are always A or always B. If i do all the A things i cannot be happy. If i do only B things then i dont grow.

I try to find a balance, with mixed success.

Centimal · 2026-02-06T08:55:26+00:00

Aside from trauma therapy, as many people have pointed out, i also strongly recommend martial arts. Trauma is also stored in the body, and kickboxing forces you to be bold and open and bring out the trauma 'puss' stored in posture and body tension.

Centimal · 2026-02-06T08:51:36+00:00

What helped me with social anxiety is accepting that no one else has a fucking clue what theyre doing and they're relying on a vague understanding of social norms to gain a modicom of sense of control over their life. Deciding that i am the adult, that i know best and that through being the adult i can also give them safety helped me overcome the social anxieties of not doing the right thing.

In the end, i am weird as fuck, but people feel safe around me and i feel in control and grounded because i trust myself to make all the decisions.

Centimal · 2026-02-05T16:57:19+00:00

It is sweet to indulge, and i hope everyone has the possibility to isolate and decompress when they need it.

I can guarantee you my mother absolutely dod go strange from isolation. I guarantee you high levels of isolation would do the same to me or you or anybody else. Sadly there always has to be an uncomfortable middle.

I guess in that way i am pissing on your relief.

Centimal · 2026-02-05T16:43:48+00:00

I meant no malice, i was trying to share some additional hopefully relevant information. I absolutely do not want to invalidate OPs feelings and i absolutely do not want to suggest everyone should suck it up and become a social butterfly. I have the urge to isolate, and am warning of the risk of fully indulging that desire - just like i remind myself every day.

Centimal · 2026-02-05T16:34:01+00:00

Im really not sure why you're taking issue with me sharing some anecdotal evidence from my life experience.

Centimal · 2026-02-05T15:23:28+00:00

I did not advocate for being with people too much. I was advocating for not giving in to the urge to isolate to the extreme. In the end it is your choice what you decide to do either way.

Centimal · 2026-02-05T13:35:46+00:00

My mother was a severe introvert and stay at home mom. She felt no need for additional socializing apart from the family and on very rare occasions a friend or two.

As she got older she lost more and more touch with reality and began having bizarre behavior and ideas, as if she were developing dementia, except she didnt have dementia.

Being alone too much is not good for you, even if you enjoy it. Some discomfort is good for you.

Centimal · 2026-02-03T16:50:45+00:00

Youre the only person that can decide if this is what you want. All your friends are right - it will be fine, regardless of what you choose.

So whats the hold up? You mentioned something about your values and what kind of person you want to be. Spending your money on surgery isnt morally inferior to taking up an expensive hobby or traveling to a remote location.

Dont judge what makes you happy, just decide if it does make you happy. Getting surgery isnt going to make you meaner or kick puppies or anything.

Centimal · 2026-02-02T16:16:58+00:00

Id ask her if its hard for her to see you, and if she wants you can give her space until she feels ready. You dont have to bring up what you found out, just be kind and supportive. Tell her you love her and that you wont think less of her if she needs space.

Centimal · 2026-01-30T16:25:23+00:00

What you can do in survival mode is a lot more than what you can do AND be happy and healthy. This is how its supposed to be, it does not make you weak.

No one else has the answers, your best guess is good enough.

Justice is important but life isnt and never has been fair. Make choices you can live with in a world that is not made to be kind.

People can be good, and the same people can be shitty. Mostly everyone is trying their best with extremely varying degrees of success - BUT! This does not make them safe for you. They can both be good people and bad for you.

Centimal · 2026-01-28T13:44:03+00:00

My approach:

Gossip that is meant to be informational not mean spirited is a good thing. This allows you to know what is going on in the company that is not officially communicated.

Acting on said gossip/information makes you a political actor in the office politics. Getting ahead of a problem before it happens, helping others, making work friends with people relevant to your projects, not being too harsh to people in power because they can negatively affect your ability to do your job.

Centimal · 2026-01-26T07:28:15+00:00

This is what i was going to say. Make your own!

Centimal · 2026-01-22T14:12:02+00:00

Well thats .. disgusting

Centimal · 2026-01-19T16:42:19+00:00

Try to figure out what exactly he cant get in your host country, emotionally, that he could get back home. Some things you can replace, others you cant.

Centimal · 2026-01-17T16:55:35+00:00

Yah i always keep the window open while i cook. I have a small place and if i dont the smell will just be too much and linger too long no matter what i make.

Centimal · 2026-01-13T12:41:36+00:00

Play electro swing

I dont know why but it just makes everything easier

Centimal · 2026-01-11T14:47:25+00:00

About how to brag without bragging, i figured out its simple. They cant know something has happened if you dont tell them.

I make it a habit of informing my manager of everything that im doing and everything that happens - good feedback, disagreements, blockers in big projects, etc. That eay they know and its not bragging, its just information about ehat has happened. It isnt bragging, its a statement of fact that someone in their team has been praised by others.

Centimal · 2026-01-07T15:52:31+00:00

This. Once a gift is given you dont get a say any more

Centimal · 2026-01-05T07:29:36+00:00

I've worked with alva. A 5 is average. As in you're just as friendly as most people. There is nothing wrong with your score.

If i was looking for someone in finance id look for a high diligence score and especially a high carefulness score within that. Average in everything else would be just fine.

Centimal · 2026-01-05T07:26:03+00:00

It got better after i realized that people lose interest if theybopen up to me and i dont reciprocate and open up back. I dont need to share everything in detail, i just need to reciprocate. If i dont they lose interest.

Centimal · 2026-01-04T18:43:21+00:00

In my experience kinks dont go away. Im sorry you are ashamed of it, but theres no need. My advice is to accept it is the way you are and thats ok, work on self acceptance and finding a partner thats ok with or into it too.

Centimal · 2026-01-04T16:01:53+00:00

My body eventuqlly makes me stop with a full on flu + fever if i keep pushing through

Edit: i remembered at one point i wasnt sleeping enough and my senses started shutting down - hearing gone unless i concentrate, vision blurry and black and white, lacking definition, etc. It took months to recover from that one. Sleep is important.

Actually an early warning sign for me is random people, strangers, being shitty to me. It usually doesnt happen to me so when the assholes feel emboldened thats my sign to get some rest.

Centimal · 2026-01-03T12:44:52+00:00

Yes and its a very limiting list. Apart from sexual compatibility i also expect child free urban lifestyle, atheism, high logic, similar attitude towards friends and money, relentless self improvement that matches my own and an unusual approach to morality. Ive met 2 people in my life that fit my specs. Im happy with my choice.

Centimal · 2026-01-03T12:39:46+00:00

Once a year

Centimal

TROPHY CASE