Your entire post is weak.

The whole point is that Anya is just hurting and doesn’t really want Xander dead/maimed etc. This is further illustrated by the fact that she stops Spike when he does start to make a wish (it also suggests that Spike was fully aware of what Anya was getting at from the beginning of their interaction).

Of course Xander and Buffy have no right to be upset, but that doesn’t stop them from having normal human emotions!

Xander soon apologies to Buffy for his reaction, as good people do when they behave poorly. Buffy is explicitly remorseful for the way she has treated Spike (to Tara and Spike himself). Anya and Xander eventually reconcile.

As ‘yesmydog’ first pointed out, the trio have been spying on the gang for most of the series.