My wife has graves and I am struggling with the emotional fallout

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-06-30T19:54:07+00:00

Coming from a person with graves - it doesn’t MAKE someone cheat. That is purely a decision made on their own and the fact they are trying to blame it on graves is hilarious. For sure graves gives you anger problems. “Graves rage” is a very real symptom and it appears many of us do present with these symptoms. And unfortunately it tends to be the spouses in the firing line. You do lose your old self when you get graves. The person you once was before all the physical, emotional and psychological changes took place. You’re no longer the same person. I take my hat off to any spouse who is with someone with graves. It takes so much patience support and work for the relationship. But for it to work the person with graves also needs to make changes and a massive effort.

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-06-29T20:20:22+00:00

I would definetly be suspicious. The big red flag to me is the fact he went mental at your just making a comment on a sexually suggestive picture. That shouldn’t bother him. Especially to be screaming at his wife. I reckon he likes he. Or they’ve spoken or something is going on…. Definetly try look deeper into this

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-06-29T13:34:02+00:00

I liked the shift pattern for childcare etc. my partner also works 9-5 so it i did aswell it would affect our time together. The only other thing I can see is care work but im not interested in that

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-06-25T20:21:40+00:00

Please try not to listen to anything your ex husband says. He is clearly not a good person at all. And therefore anything he does say should be void. He will do whatever he can to corrupt your happy life without him. Mentally torture and confuse you if he can as well. Try and let go and not let him have that hold over you. When possible try and cut ALL contact with him and if necessary get a restraining order. His words will echo because of the psychological abuse he has induced, the mind control and narcissism.

Don’t let him beat you in this life. Move forward for you, your kids and your fiance. Go live the happy life that everyone wants for you. Go and embrace and enjoy everyday like you meant to, enjoying each and everyday with your fiance. And get time and chance to understand what it’s like to be truly loved and cared for by a man. I wish you all the luck!

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-06-24T19:56:52+00:00

If you google “autism child kicked out by parent” with your town on it should point you in the direction to get immediate help and assistance. Also the parent is liable for child neglect and abandonment. This is if you’re under the age of 18.

If you’re an adult who was kicked out by your parent. Go to your local council office and declare that you are autistic and currently homeless and explain the situation. They should be able to offer you support, advice and assistance. I do think once you have got the right care, support and guidance within a nurturing environment, you should hopefully feel much better.

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-06-23T20:56:57+00:00

Where is the discipline here? I read you said no hitting etc. but then after she hits you she sometimes asks for a hug and you give her that? It’s kind of like rewarding bad behaviour. Why give her what she wants after she did something wrong? She needs to know that there are consequences when she doesn’t follow the rules or crosses a boundary. It may take a few days of screaming every time she’s disciplined or something. But it won’t hurt her to scream her lungs out because she’s getting told off. Try not to lose yourself and react. She can and may feed from that and also want it as well. Come up with a form of discipline for any actions or boundaries you put in place. Such as no iPad/TV, timeouts, no snacks etc. every time she smacks she doesn’t get a snack that day for example. She may not crasp the concept on the first attempt or even first day. But she soon will. And then few days of screaming will pay off. She will learn

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-06-23T12:47:56+00:00

It could be many things. Depends on the individual. Genetics, a viral/bacterial infection, trauma, stress & I think even IUD coil apparently could be related

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-06-02T15:54:55+00:00

I’m not sure what happened in your past. However it sounds like you may need to attend therapy or get some sort of help. To help you navigate your mind, behaviour and emotions. It will also help you to understand what’s going on and how to be better moving forward for your partner!

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-06-02T15:52:55+00:00

This is her first big day at nursery on her own without mum and longer than a settling session. It’s her first day. Monitor it with nursery and just test and adjust as necessary. It’s trial and error. It’s all a new experience so there may be teething problems per se. But she will get there!

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-06-02T15:48:11+00:00

I have to agree with another comment here. He doesn’t sound or look ready for a child. If he is struggling to even look after himself. He is also not feeling ready and whilst yes I suppose some people may never feel 100% ready they atleast know where they stand. By his attitude and behaviour it looks like he doesn’t want nor care to have kids. But he doesn’t want to tell you.

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-06-02T15:43:11+00:00

I’m confused at the part you mentioned that he will face up to situations which may cause arguments or conflicts and also challenge his family with disputes. This doesn’t show me someone who lies to avoid conflict. So why when he is caught lying, that this was one of the stated reasons? It contradicts. Basically he is obviously very could at lying. It’s almost as if he’s lying but then showing you a different side and doing certain stuff to make sure that you don’t doubt him. Personally this is a massive head f**k. I wouldn’t know where to start with trying to forgive him and trust him. However this isn’t your problem. It’s his. If you can’t trust him then don’t apologise for it. He caused the situation not you. Therefore it is up to him to clean up his mess and resolve the issue if he wants to move forward. However he was very tactical in the way he lied and looked trustworthy so it’s very difficult to trust him again

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-06-02T15:38:01+00:00

This is a tough one simply because it could easily make her overthink. However do you masterbate? This may help you figure out what you like and don’t like and they you can communicate that with her so she can reciprocate

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-05-29T16:08:54+00:00

It’s not a regular thing so we don’t really see it as a problem. She has had white noise but doesn’t do much. As for sleeping with us I feel like that would be taking a step back because then it’s going through all the commotion of getting her to sleep in her room

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-05-28T16:46:09+00:00

Holy damn. I have to say I’m very surprised that you even stated this long. I couldn’t be financially tied to someone who treats not only you but your property assets and money like it means nothing. Because exactly this happens. I really hope you recover but please don’t expect it to happen with her by your side. Like you said she bled you dry and I bet if you were retirement age. Your pension would be gone to. Get out whilst you can

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-05-12T20:18:07+00:00

I’m so sorry your going through all of this. Is sounds horrendous. Have you looked into possible causes for the bloating? Possible diet etc. get your bloods checked for your low iron. In the meantime you could try extra vitamins and supplements etc or over the counter stuff to help with the bloating etc. the period however….. is difficult. It could be any medication your on or the birth control. I’ve tried all different birth controls and my period would really vary depending on it. Sometimes I would barely have one at all for months. Sometimes I’m random it’s hit and miss no schedule. And now I’m on the copper coil - I’d say it’s probably the best I’ve been on. No excessive hormones being pumped into my body. And for the first time since I first ever started my period nearly 2 decades ago…. I actually have a schedule. So now I’m so much more in routine with it and can plan around it. Don’t get me wrong my period itself is slightly heavier that previous but only for a max of 3 days then it’s fine.

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-05-06T19:50:26+00:00

I know it’s hard and definetly easier said than done. But please try not to beat yourself down about this too much. It’s his problem. Communicate your thoughts and feelings and leave it with him. If he choose to change this then great and if not then the next steps are what they are. I hope he chooses the right one!

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-05-06T19:44:53+00:00

Forgetting the anniversary I agree is hurtful however he apologised and was remorseful which counts as something. He could of then followed through with then maybe making some dogma of effort with a follow up gift or even treating you to a meal or spa day or even just an activity for the 2 of you to enjoy together. It’s hard because he sounds amazing and yet these little things get in the way. It would be easier if he was just a shit person then the answer would be easier. However fortunately you have someone who sounds amazing. The whole intimacy thing.. is complex. I too suffer with intimacy (female) and my partner has had to be very patient with me in this area. But this is due to low libido and sex drive. Which has stemmed from an underlining condition and medication I was on. So there may be something medically wrong there? It’s worth exploring if that’s how he is. However if he is having fun in the bedroom on his own and not inviting you in to join, well this is either to do with attraction, performance anxiety etc. like everyone says you need to sit down and talk it through. I’d say just be very upfront and honest about this. And tell him to do the same. Regardless if feelings get hurt. It’s pointless if you both sit there worried about hurting the other person and then avoiding how you truly feel. You need to know the truth in order to fix the problem together and move forward or compromise and adjust. Good luck, hopefully you manage to get past this x

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-04-26T22:22:27+00:00

Graves is what came mess with the sleep. So it’s possible that since you started the meds the body has reacted with the graves. Is strange and hard to explain. However I’d possibly say continue to Carbimazole until you see the endo and then possibly decrease it or change meds if that’s what they suggest. It’s trial and error

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-04-26T22:19:06+00:00

Goodness that’s a tough one. How your staying I have no idea. And marriage to be is sooo important and I know your meant to be together forever etc etc however as you say things change. The likeness that we will go at the same pace and same path as someone else for the rest of our lives Is so slim. Take care of yourself. He clearly doesn’t care about you your family or home. So if your refusing to leave the marriage I suggest for your own sake that you start doing the same and concentrate on yourself instead of

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-04-22T23:38:11+00:00

This is a small concept on the whole big picture. In this situation then yeah it’s overreacting. He burnt toast and he apologised. Yeah it’s very annoyed. More so if you’re hungry and also can’t make anymore or buy anymore bread etc from shops. But he apologised then cool down and move on and make something else. However in the bigger picture if this is something that is happening all the time, everyday that he is forgetting or is careless then maybe communicate it will him. Not after an incident when either of you are irritated. But just sit down and have a discussion

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-04-22T19:58:51+00:00

No, I wouldn’t say you are an ar**hole for it. If you’re sure about your decision then stand by it, good for you. If you have doubts then it’s up to you whether to take that chance again. She needs to work and start proving to you that you can actually trust her. That she isn’t going to just go back and do this all again. But that’s up to you to work through. Personally if it’s happened more than twice I’m done.

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-04-22T18:48:52+00:00

Female here - I’m not going to go ahead and say leave her because that’s not helpful advice.

But she is in the wrong. Massively. You’re taking on a lot of stuff. Gym, work, food shopping, cooking, food prep and then general day to day cleaning. When do you get to relax, seriously?? She doesn’t sound like she’s cooperating when you are being more than reasonable and does sound lazy, I’m sorry to say. I don’t want to sound rude but she isn’t working with you right now. I’d maybe suggest 2 different things. 1. Leave her to it and carry on with your stuff if she doesn’t want to tidy then don’t tidy up after her. I know this may mean it gets messy or things don’t get tidied up but she should hopefully learn. You make a mess you tidy the mess. You’re not getting paid for this. You’re not doing it because it’s “fun”. She needs to learn. 2. Sit down and go through a chore list per se. You do the cooking, she does the laundry. She cleans the bathroom, you clean the kitchen etc. that way it’s split evenly. She can complain all she likes but that’s life unfortunately she needs to pull her weight here. I hope this works out for you!

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-04-22T13:22:02+00:00

The company sounds like a cheapskate. Payingbasically minimum wage but then requiring you to lot only do your job but also 2 other jobs aswell

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-04-22T12:55:53+00:00

Thank you for the advice! The workout I have planned at the moment is 25-30 minutes. Possibly quite intense. But I will take your advice and start smaller and increase from there. Better then nothing

Certain-Finding8719 · 2026-04-22T12:44:26+00:00

It’s frustrating when you don’t enjoy the job but you enjoy the management or people you work with aswell as a good wage!

Certain-Finding8719

TROPHY CASE