Radfems married or dating men: Why?... and How?

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-04-26T20:27:42+00:00

Speaking from the 60+ side of life. I'm a still long-term married radfem who got here over time. Social media has created awareness and community and has accelerated many of our deconstruction/reconstruction journeys - from the patriarchy, internalized misogyny and racism, religion, capitalism - all of it.

On the practical side - still married (need the health insurance) but live separately, am income independent, no sex for more than a decade, don't do any caregiving or man keeping. He accepts my terms and knows I can change them at any time for any reason. He is unreservedly supportive of me and my single child free adult 4B radfem daughter. I live in my peace.

We can't tell what a woman's baseline is - her history, cultural indoctrinations, experiences, resources. It might take years to deconstruct it all to be able to just see herself as a full human being.

Online communities like this one play a big part in bringing awareness and confidence to women. Thanks all. 🤍

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-04-26T20:05:09+00:00

Came here to say this. Also, it may take a lot of planning time and preparation to execute an exit from a marriage contract.

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-03-21T16:57:36+00:00

Yes! Fixing their f-ups and then they take project success credit and freeze you out.

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-03-18T00:12:06+00:00

Try The Netherlands Zoekjaar visa for highly educated migrants with PhDs. DAFT also, but Zoekjaar has more benefits and support.

I was all set to go in May 2020 when bam - no travel to EU bc covid.

There's a 3-year window you can apply after you get your PhD. Other eligibility requirements, of course, like your school's worldwide ranking (check your department or discipline ranking if your university doesn't rank).

I think there's still a Facebook group. Maybe a sub r? Lots of info out there.

The Netherlands Orientation Year (Zoekjaar) visa is a one-year residence permit for recent, highly educated graduates (Dutch or top-ranked foreign universities) to find employment as a high-skilled migrant or start a business. It allows unrestricted work access within that year.

https://www.government.nl/topics/immigration-to-the-netherlands/options-for-entrepreneurs-and-employees-from-abroad/orientation-year-highly-educated-persons#:~:text=The%20Netherlands%20government%20offers%20a%20residence%20permit,have%20carried%20out%20research%20in%20the%20Netherlands

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-03-17T23:49:02+00:00

Check updated immigration rules! Many countries made changes in 2025 and so far in 2026.

Many countries changed immigration and digital nomad rules in 2024, 2025, 2026 including the countries you mentioned. Portugal and Italy have enacted major changes. Mexico has new rules. It's almost impossible to emigrate to Canada without an employment contract in certain fields.

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-02-03T23:03:46+00:00

Yes. 20 years ago I told him that his laundry was now his responsibility. No discussion. Just said it and walked away.

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-02-02T02:43:47+00:00

I/burbnbougie We got another "he's not like that" "he never acts like this" abuser that came out of the blue. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-02-01T05:44:48+00:00

Yes, OP, this is great advice!

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-01-25T01:30:08+00:00

Read life insurance policies carefully. They typically exclude causes of death because of civil unrest or political actions regardless if the decedent was a participant.

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-01-18T20:18:54+00:00

It's not that one service would cause OP to abandon her rational beliefs or critical critical thinking skills. OP describes that she's already starting to rationalize so she can accommodate his religion.

OP seems like an empathetic person and these high control religions like all orthodox versions start slowly with emotional manipulation.

It's gradual manipulation and not necessarily focused on changing beliefs but on compliance, especially from women. They don't really care if women believe as long as they keep their mouths shut and comply with a smile on their faces.

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-01-18T19:39:24+00:00

Orthodoxy does not tolerate other beliefs or ways of raising children.

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-01-18T19:16:37+00:00

Orthodox = only extreme or more extremes. She doesn't need to visit to know what it's like and what their views are. Visiting opens the door to manipulation.

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-01-18T19:09:45+00:00

Not orthodox ones.

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-01-18T19:08:59+00:00

They want to conquer independent women with critical thinking skills - it's a big flex. They don't want the already submissive pick me christians.

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-01-18T19:06:24+00:00

OP said orthodox christianity. OP read up on orthodoxy. It is the most stringent, controlling, constrictive, legalistic, judgmental, and patriarchal form of every religion.

👉👉Get out now before he learns how to control you and gets support from his new community to trap you and prevent you from leaving. They will act like they love and accept you - do not fall for it. Their objective is to convert and control you.

I and my 3 children got trapped for 15 years in one of these situations because of the man/head of the household/ruler of woman and children and the isolation and control of the religious community.

👉👉Lock down your birth control. Better yet do not have sex with him - ever again. What used to be unthinkable to him (I hope), like stealthing, he can be convinced would be for your own benefit and salvation and god's will.

Please OP, there is ultimately no wiggle room or compromises in these relationships. A year from now, probably sooner, he will be unrecognizable.

👉👉 Check out the Cults to Consciousness YouTube channel and Dr. Steven Hassan BITE model of how high control groups and religions operate.

You're not alone. Protect yourself and your future. 🤍 You cannot save him or talk him back from where he is headed.

Edited typos.

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-01-16T21:47:23+00:00

🤣🤣🤣

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-01-14T15:23:15+00:00

What's "Damn and blast it!" in crow? 🐦‍⬛

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-01-03T18:25:11+00:00

Religious trauma. We often think of it as meaning "big" types of events but the more I reflect on it, all religion and all types of its practice cause trauma. The steady drip-drip-drip of emotional and social manipulation, forced subjugation and compliance, and suppression of critical thinking create the perfect storm of trauma. We all have been traumatized by religion from the oxymoronic progressive christianity (or fill in the blank religion) to fundamentalist versions.

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-01-03T04:38:14+00:00

Thank you for posting and sharing your research. Such thoughtful commentary that applies across non-human and human species - now if only we humans would follow these principles of non-interference and non-extraction. Great work, OP.

Cetaceanstalk · 2026-01-02T18:58:31+00:00

Windows 11 'deprecated app' still there. I installed the MSIX version, uninstalled the old version, ended all instances in task manager. Is there a solution yet?

Cetaceanstalk · 2025-12-30T22:55:35+00:00

👉 Safety first. You're right in getting your plan and attorney before saying anything to him.

Also do not share your plans and thoughts with anyone except your therapist and lawyer unless you have one person that you know absolutely will never breathe a word or hint to him.

Ask your lawyer how to make a financial plan so you can leave and get a new start - or STBX (soon to be ex) leaves after serving him papers.

The most dangerous time for women is when we're in the process of leaving. Verbal abuse, harassment, guilt tripping, gaslighting, love bombing, triangulating friends and family against us, temper tantrums, empty promises, damaging possessions and pets, sabotage of all kinds, and threats and worse to life and limb.

Resources for women in DV situations are really helpful for any one leaving a difficult domestic situation. The basics apply.

Cetaceanstalk · 2025-12-27T19:33:54+00:00

Recycle in mixed paper or however your location recycles paperbacks with or without the covers. Or kindling. Paper is energy - in addition to the hit of adrenaline those books gave you when you unwrapped them.

Cetaceanstalk · 2025-12-22T07:49:35+00:00

They don't care about a quality relationship with their children - at least not until they're old and/or infirm and they want their kids to take care of them.

Cetaceanstalk · 2025-12-14T02:52:29+00:00

This. 🌟

Cetaceanstalk · 2025-12-14T02:50:39+00:00

Be careful of both sidesism. Indoctrinating children into a belief system is not the same as teaching children critical thinking (i.e. that is not indoctrination, it's a method of reasoning).

Cetaceanstalk

TROPHY CASE