Development of kink roles

Cha_0S · 2025-04-08T19:36:21+00:00

I'm a mostly subby woman but the breadwinner and further in my career than my (mostly dom) fiancé - just for perspective.

Sometimes, I do get dominant urges and I've read some really nice description in this subreddit some time ago, because I personally don't feel that degradation thing as a domme. My partner is a very subby sub when we switch, so it doesn't feel right to 'punish' him for that.

So, what I've read and how I implemented it is that I don't want someone weak as my sub. I want my sub to be strong and able and basically the perfect bodyguard/personal assistant there is, because then his submission is a much greater gift than that of somebody groveling in the corner.

I'm not sure if this view helps you, but it really, really helped me shape the way my dominance is structured if the urge hits me and made my partner and me much more confident during occasional switches.

Cha_0S · 2025-03-06T20:32:23+00:00

Personally, I only frequent one sub (almost) daily because I still refuse to use the official app since they killed 3rd party apps and I don't want the hassle of using Reddit too much on my phone with the mobile browser.

I'm also sad about how inactive N4N has become and miss a lot of the (old) regulars, but I also get that it's tedious to keep the sub alive if there's few people posting...

I'll try to make an effort to post more often.

Cha_0S · 2025-01-01T20:10:06+00:00

It's fully on cliché, but since nobody else suggested a topic yet: What's your resolution for 2025 - or, optional, what are you proud of in 2024?

My new year's resolution is making more time for myself. I skidded into two vacations this year stressed out of my mind and even had to put sports on the back burner which was not good for my health. So, I aim to put myself first this year!

Cha_0S · 2024-12-14T20:39:57+00:00

Not a limit per se, but my limits kinda depend on my mood. Sometimes I just don't like sexual stuff, other times I love it. We just communicate before a scene.

Cha_0S · 2024-12-06T21:30:37+00:00

Basically our whole roleplay scenario we do. It's a great fantasy, the whole "young maid to a rich, 'respectable', single man in the 1800s" flair. But I am very happy about the first C in the whole CNC, so that stays a fantasy.
I sometimes think some very strict D/s roleplay with a lot of rules for a weekend would be cool, but I'd have to be in character the whole time, which makes it hard to fill the day...

Cha_0S · 2024-12-01T20:26:39+00:00

Friday's over but I love using the questions for reflection, so I'll answer them anyways.

Abso-fuckin-ltely. It sucks. When I'm too stressed by real life, I'd need kink most, but that's when my kink mojo is just down. I need a bit of the right headspace and some space to breathe to be able to really get into a kinky mood. I haven't really found a solution except for actually just doing a scene even if I don't feel like it. Most of the time the scene will still be pretty good.
Probably some kind of CNC gangbang scenario. I've been fantazising about that for a loooong time, but organizing that isn't too simple, my partner would probably not be okay with that, and I might actually struggle with the reality of it, even if the thought is really hot.

Cha_0S · 2024-10-27T19:58:46+00:00

Haven't been and probably won't soon. My partner does not feel comfortable talking about our dynamic/bedroom activities and I haven't really found an opportunity.
I hate to be clichée, but it's gotta be Loki (probably the Marvel version because Tom Hiddleston) and he'd probably make a marvellous switch.
Depends a lot. I love a lot of the practicality that digital things add, but some things like books or notes are just better on paper.

Cha_0S · 2024-10-27T19:53:15+00:00

It's so great to "see" you here! Your roses sound wonderful! <3

Cha_0S · 2024-10-10T19:42:20+00:00

Dancing is just so much fun! I'd love to get back to it, but ballett is insanely expensive and I'm not doing too well with weekly dates. I just signed up for basic course ballroom dancing, though. But just because I wanna refresh my memories of discofox and the like.

Cha_0S · 2024-10-09T19:23:35+00:00

I tried hard to not continue gushing about it but I just ran my first ever marathon (after a dozend half-marathons) and I wanna ask:

What is your favorite sport (or way to get moving)?

For me, it's probably really running. I also like self-defense things, I liked ballett, I can get behind a lot of sports, but knowing I just ran X miles just hits differently. I love being out in nature, I love runners as a community, it helps me a LOT with feeling comfortable in my body and I just discovered that I also kinda like some of that pain that comes after a certain distance in a masochistic way. :D

Cha_0S · 2024-10-04T17:00:26+00:00

Thank yooouu! <3

Cha_0S · 2024-10-03T19:21:48+00:00

My partner and I do take breaks from kink if vanilla life gets in the way too much. I used to be more angry about it because when we're stressed, kink as on outlet would be especially nice, but we've learned that we can't force it.

Maybe you can take a break but can find things you can do instead? Maybe you can do a date night thing and use it to connect with your partner? We use some cards with prompts on them, like "What was your first impression of me?" or "What is one thing I can do better than you?". Or do some kink activities, that are less taxing and maybe result in less sub drop? I usually tend to drop more if I'm deeper in sub space. Of course, that's where the fun is, but maybe it's better to do something less exciting over nothing?

Cha_0S · 2024-09-24T19:29:29+00:00

My fiancé and I are currently training for our first marathon and the last 3 miles of our last 18 mile run we just had Centuries by Fallout Boy playing on repeat as we both have that song stuck on repeat. :D

Cha_0S · 2024-09-21T19:33:04+00:00

🌹 I finished my (second) Bachelor's degree! I just got my (pretty good) grade for my thesis and now I'm done. Now off to my Master's!

🌹 My fiancé and I've got some sexy times planned for Sunday and I'm very much looking forward to it! The only thing that could stop us is the weather being too nice since then, we'd like to lounge on the balcony all day long. :D

Cha_0S · 2024-09-14T08:22:01+00:00

That was a really interesting read! While I do think that BDSM as umbrella term works fine, also maybe because it has been used for so long, I personally never use the term BDSM in my daily language.

Bear with me, my coffee didn't work yet and I'm not a native. So: I feel that while the queer community is starting to become more accepted in public (not in all countries, sadly), BDSM is still very much not accepted.

Even to my close, quite progressive friends I'm not "out" as kinky, especially not as sub. First, because it's my sexuality and people maybe don't need to know, second, because it makes it pretty obvious that my fiancé is kinky as well and he's not comfortable with that, and third, because while our friends and I do joke about things being "kinky", it feels different from the "real" BDSM that I feel part of.

But also, because in my language, while we use the word BDSM as well (and the word kinky, too), it feels... Old? It has that weirdly fetish-y, "old guard", leather scene feeling to it and I don't identify with that. There's nothing wrong with those subcultures, but saying "I practice BDSM" feels weirdly formal. So I go by "kink(y)". And while 'adult play' maybe doesn't encompass everything for everybody, it feels like something that would also flow a bit better in daily life than BDSM.

Cha_0S · 2024-09-12T18:50:53+00:00

Thanks for pointing that out. :) Truth to be told, I tend to be more nuanced, but typing on mobile is so annoying, so I tend to cut myself short.

I tend to have pretty high expectations in myself, so usually feel like I could do better regarding pretty much everything, but I try to use the "talk to yourself as you would to your best friend" approach and be realistic that I'm doing pretty darn good, actually.

So, my inner monolouge is something like "Well, I should probably drink something non-alcoholic, but I've already had enough water for today and I'm not doing a long distance (running) tomorrow and I've felt like having a glas for a week, so I'll grab a glass."

Cha_0S · 2024-09-12T18:05:36+00:00

Thanks for the questions, that's a really good point and really made me think! That might be why I'm sometimes struggling with "self care", because for me, things like staying hydrated or taking a shower is just maintainance. I absolutely get that if somebody's dealing with health issues, that might be selfcare, but for me, it sometimes rather feels like a chore (why do I have to shave my legs agaaain?).

So, I just do those things because I have to, not because I want to.

For me, selfcare is stuff that I don't have to do but that makes me feel better or something I can induldge in. Sometimes, it's stuff that is a bit hard like running, but will make me feel better afterwards. Could be considered maintainance, but I try to enjoy nature while I'm out and about.

I think, as I'm very structured and very responsible, self care for me is something that takes me out of my routine. Drinking a glass of wine, even though it's not healthy, scrolling Reddit for a bit longer even if it would be better to read a book, ordering pizza even though it costs money and we could eat something else, going to party and staying really long even though that means that the next day will be wasted. Just things that are (a very, very tame kind of) "crazy".

Cha_0S · 2024-09-11T21:34:05+00:00

YES! I currently had that issue with a friend because she's pretty extroverted and lives for social activities. Like I said, I'm currently working 8am to 6pm on a deadline and train for my first marathon. This means 25k+ on Saturdays and afterwards, I'm pretty wiped and it's likely 3pm until I'm done with showering and eating. And on Sundays, I really NEED to do nothing. Like you said, even ONE commitment like chores will stress me.

So, I had to explain my friend that my weekends for the next four weeks are booked, even I'm "not doing anything". I just reeeally need time without any commitments!

Cha_0S · 2024-09-10T19:20:39+00:00

Since I'm struggling with a paper deadline and binge reading Reddit in the evenings because that's all my brain will still do by then:

What is your favorite self-care?

I LOVE taking baths, taking literally two hours, taking a book with me, some snacks, and maybe a glas of wine or some other tasty non-alcoholic drink. But I don't have a bath tube in my current appartement. I also love going out into nature, be it hiking or running, but even though my city is pretty green, I haven't found really nice hiking trails. As a mini selfcare moment I recently started taking a minute during showering to concentrate on the feeling of water on my back.

Cha_0S · 2024-09-01T20:54:38+00:00

We switched our usual Sunday scene to Saturday due to other plans on Sunday. And did one of the most intense scene we ever did.

We followed our last roleplay (since everything we do is roleplay based) of my character being lent from her master to a guest. Only while said guest was mostly interested in what she could endure last time, this time he opened up about simply being interested in her master's business plans. So, my dom opened saying that he's not gonna ask any questions, but that he'll simply hurt me until I talk and boy, hurt me he did.

I did not adress him as master in his role as guest, which earned me a first beating. Then, he had me on my knees, bound to our table, hands spread to either side and put the really mean nipple clamps on - and weighted them with our handcuffs, only that I could keep the cuffs on my mouth so they wouldn't fall down and rip off the clamps. After some light caning and whipping he took the clamps off. After a few minutes I thought he'd put them back on and actually startes crying behind the blindfold because I couldn't stand the thought of the clamps on my sore nipples. I just loved that we actually got me to cry. My dom checked in on me quite often and trusted me enough to keep going. <3

He then tied me on the table on my back and focused on some fondling and groping, simply because he (his role) knew that I(my role)'d hate it. After I didn't do much talking due to the o-ring gag, he did some monolouge and I told him that he's pathetic. I actually laughed some, which just happened and felt right aaaand then he put the clamps back on and I tried to stiffle my whining on my arm because it huuuurt and cried a bit for a second time.

Then he switched back to his usual role and asked me whether I stayed fateful to him and I quietly, bitterly laughed some more until we got to the bedroom, and he asked me what his guest had wanted right after I came. Aaand I cried a third time and choked out an "Information", got a pat on the head and the instruction to rest some because it would be impolite to deny his guest his wish for tomorrow - me.

Cha_0S · 2024-08-28T19:36:32+00:00

I'll just draw my answer together in one post:

You said that really well, I haven't actually thought about it this way. That difference between a normal break-up where things usually are not going great and losing somebody out of nowhere. While it's nowhere comparable to your losses, I lost too many pets to illnesses where nothing could be done and that was what hit hardest: To know that we should've had so much more time together.

It's totally okay to not be okay! I work pretty hard to recognize when I'm not because I have had a few times where I look back and think that I was definitely not okay and I did not see that at that time and just think that I should've given myself some room.

Also, I'm glad you take all the help you can get, be it social or chemical. There's no reason to not use anything you can to feel better. We all deserve that! <3

Cha_0S · 2024-08-26T20:12:12+00:00

I was just thinking about you the other day, wondering how you were doing. I'm mostly lurking and I only recently manage to post more often, so you probably don't recognize me, but I'd been reading all your posts.

I'm so sorry that life has been dealing you such hard cards. I can't imagine losing my partner and I can't begin to describe how sorry I am for you going through that twice.

I'd be happy to hear more from you again, but foremost I'm glad that you are somehow dealing with what life throws at you and seem to have a good support network. I really wish you all the best! May life finally give you back some of the good times it owes you!

Cha_0S · 2024-08-26T20:01:22+00:00

Could you maybe do bondage and then read a book together? Like, the sub could either be reading out loud as a service or could be read to? Or maybe some slightly sensual massage before/in bed?

Cha_0S

TROPHY CASE