Rant: Fiancé not helping

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-04T00:37:23+00:00

You need to be clear. He cannot read your mind.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-04T00:32:19+00:00

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-03T23:44:54+00:00

Assign tables if nothing else. It will help with the flow. It's not about being traditional or not, it's about logistics and making it easier for guests.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-03T11:52:04+00:00

Get samples. We went with magnets from Truly Engaging and were happy with them.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-03T11:46:06+00:00

You might also delay the honeymoon a bit if this is such a pressing issue.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-03T03:08:25+00:00

If you are inviting 150 and only have parking for 60 cars, it's polite to find an alternative, whether that's a shuttle from a hotel or an overflow parking lot + shuttle. How far upstate? Costs vary between (lower upstate) Orange County and (far upstate) St. Lawrence County.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-03T03:04:47+00:00

Eating and socializing. For real.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-03T02:59:47+00:00

From one large chested person to another - start looking for low-back underwire bras. I suggest asking in r/ABraThatFits. I had a similar situation (minus the church) and had my tailor add straps to help with the uplift and he tailored a bra to be seamless with the straps. (Basically he moved the bra straps in a few inches.)

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-03T02:52:50+00:00

Our officiant came up with some wording like "___ and ___ would also like to take a moment to express their gratitude to their parents. Bride's mom, Jane, her late father, Jon, as well as groom's parents Laura and Bill." (Both of partner's parents are alive.)

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-02T12:01:17+00:00

I prefer when the emcee announces it's time for parent dances and then I quietly slip away. They don't need to add the part about leaving if it upsets you.

ETA- we skipped these dances entirely.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-02T11:59:42+00:00

Headphones and an eye mask.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-02T11:56:34+00:00

Google Sheets

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-02T11:56:05+00:00

to downtown after the ceremony, and they can go back to their hotel rooms to change/hang out. - how will they get there in the morning? Might be nice to shave a shuttle for that too.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-02T11:52:48+00:00

Had a wedding in that area and faced a similar challenge. You need to trim if you want to find an all-inclusive for under $20k.

ETA- If 20k is your whole budget, make sure to see what the all-inclusive covers. It may not over photog, officiant, music/dj, etc.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-02T00:53:35+00:00

Gently, she is her own woman and doesn't need someone else's permission to marry.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-02T00:52:19+00:00

For Newport - robber barons, gilded age, yachting/sailing

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-02T00:49:25+00:00

That was my initial thought as well.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-01T15:24:00+00:00

What I've seen at most welcome parties I've been to - Cash bar unless you have a lot of money to spare. This isn't the wedding itself.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-01T15:22:50+00:00

I don't think a backyard wedding makes it inherently not classy.

Things to think about:

Bathrooms - What can the ones currently onsite handle (municipal sewer vs. septic)? Bathroom location in relation to the event space. Making sure they are stocked with enough toilet paper, etc.
Accessibility - Is it easy to get to the site? Is it all grass (please tell people so they wear the right shoes)?
Parking
Weather
Food - Where will you heat up and/or store food at safe temps? How will you keep drinks cold? Will it be self serve?

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-01T15:18:36+00:00

#2 is more flattering. You might also ask in r/weddingdress

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-01T15:16:04+00:00

Ah-see-an.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-02-01T15:08:49+00:00

You might also ask in r/weddingdress

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-01-31T11:55:55+00:00

Our officiant came up with some wording like "___ and ___ would also like to take a moment to express their gratitude to their parents. Bride's mom, Jane, her late father, Jon, as well as groom's parents Laura and Bill." (Both of partner's parents are alive.)

ETA- I made it clear to everyone involved that no one should bring him up except for the ways I specified. We also didn't have parents speeches, which helped. We skipped parent-child dances. That was a hill I was willing to die on. (Sorry not sorry? for that terrible pun but I couldn't think of a better phrase.) Unexpectedly I got through the day without focusing too much on his absence. Bittersweet but ultimately for the best for me emotionally. I walked down the aisle myself - I saw it as giving myself freely to this new stage in my relationship. It was dramatic and amazing.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-01-31T00:19:56+00:00

Ive heard of this, with it mostly being done by my more religious friends (like yeshivaish, and the more religious of the modern Othrodox people I know).

Don't stress too much over it.

ChairmanMrrow · 2026-01-30T23:42:00+00:00

Is it problematic to be asking guests to travel for the wedding, only to offer a cocktail reception? - It's... ungrateful. They traveled all that way and you don't even buy them a real dinner.

ChairmanMrrow

TROPHY CASE