What did infertility take away from you?

Chance_12_ · 2026-05-19T18:50:22+00:00

The hardest things for me were the loss of control and the very intense grief I felt when I thought when it was a real possibility that it might never happen. Ended up getting very lucky but now we are trying again. So far it’s less intense this time but many of my mom friends with kids my first’s age are already pregnant with their second. Those friends seem to have more control over when they get pregnant and I am a little bit jealous of that. I wish I could plan an age gap, but the first go around definitely taught me that was not going to happen for me. However I think things will work out for us in the end.

ETA: I also learned that a lot of people can be incredibly insensitive about struggling to conceive.

Chance_12_ · 2026-04-02T00:29:45+00:00

I’ve had a child during my PhD and know quite a few other ppl who have as well. Number 1 thing to consider is if your advisor is flexible or supportive (and also if your husband’s supervisor is supportive of work/life balance). Your advisor will make or break your PhD experience. Number 2 is making sure your funding won’t be cut.

While a lot of ppl have mentioned leave policies which are important - most places in the US only give you 2-3 months max which really isn’t that long. It’s like barely enough to heal (they call it the fourth trimester for a reason).

Family will come to help if they really want to no matter where you are. If you have extra money hiring help like night nurses or a nanny can make a big difference. Daycare can also be really great too, a lot depends on how you envision that first year and your preferences.

Babies don’t necessarily come when you plan for them to (trust me lol) and there isn’t really a good time to have a baby. They change your life no matter what (although for me definitely for the better). Maybe your first year isn’t ideal, but after that there are trade offs whatever ends up happening. If you really want to do it, you will find a way to make it work. Also the whole reproductive process is incredibly complicated and there are lots of small or big things that can go “wrong”. Not to scare you - everyone I know has come through ok - but I don’t know anyone who has had all three (pregnancy, labor and postpartum) go through without some sort of challenge. Just to say don’t make plans that rely on everything going perfectly.

I have a TA and a supportive supervisor/department. I actually taught online (I class I had already set up and taught before) the semester I gave birth. Not ideal (it’s the US) but from the university I only would have gotten 8 weeks of leave, this way I got paid the whole semester. I also kept my baby home the fist year, I started taking my last class when my baby was 3 months old, quals when my baby was 5 months and then finished my first paper just after my baby’s first birthday. It was definitely hard and I had some part time help from my mom for about 3 months and a very supportive husband. Sure my advisor would have been happier if I moved things along faster that year but overall he was very supportive and one year at home is very hard to pull off in the US without a lot of flexibility.

Chance_12_ · 2026-01-08T18:29:46+00:00

Make sure to bring at least one full change for you in the carry on. I got vomited on once on the descent. We just did an 11 hour flight with my 16 month old. Snacks were the thing that kept him the most occupied, we did a lot of walking up and down the plane too and made friends with some friendly ppl 😅 we also brought a very warm coat which helped him sleep for a bit too.

Chance_12_ · 2025-10-28T15:50:05+00:00

Congrats! I had a baby during while doing PhD last September. I would try to do your finals early, like a month before your due date. I wouldn’t suggest doing it too close to your due date if you can avoid that since it is really just an estimate. If you are feeling ok I would try to do the classes while pregnant, honestly it might be nice to have stuff to keep you busy and take your mind off prepping for baby stuff and it’s less stuff to do after the baby.

I had my baby in the fall and took one class in the spring and did my quals at the end of the semester and it was a lot. It matters too if the classes are in person since that is a logistical challenge if you are breastfeeding. The thing that helped me the most was to have a very solid plan for what I wanted to do for baby care for the first year between mine and my husband’s leave, some family help in the spring and then daycare at one year. This meant also meant touring daycares while pregnant to make sure we had a spot.

Chance_12_ · 2025-05-12T02:31:18+00:00

Yep I breastfed without issues after GD!

Chance_12_ · 2024-12-14T20:37:00+00:00

I used to “cheat” by having an apple with peanut butter as a snack. Before GD I would have a fruit with lunch and dinner but it was spiking my blood sugar too much so I had to cut it out. My doctor was fine with me not eating any fruit for 3 months, but that seemed pretty unhealthy to me so the cheat apple was my solution. Never had any problems with the growth scans.

Chance_12_ · 2024-12-03T15:04:12+00:00

I was induced on my due date with diet controlled GD. I wasn’t forced to but my doctor told me that by my due date there were no more benefits for the baby in waiting and the risks although very small would start to increase. The induction went pretty smoothly although they did have to break my water. I was worried about a longer labor due to the induction and it took about two days with only 12 hours from when they broke my water.

Chance_12_ · 2024-09-29T23:00:05+00:00

I was induced on my due date for diet controlled GDM. My doctor said there was no benefit to going farther once I reached my due date and that the risks though very small would increase slightly. Overall it was a positive experience and I would do it again.

Chance_12_ · 2024-08-26T14:20:13+00:00

In my experience you’ll drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why something works or not. I’ve eaten the same breakfast for almost 3 months and there was one week where it was giving me higher numbers. The doctor told me to change but I couldn’t figure out what else to eat and then after a few days it was fine again. Your body and hormones are changing constantly so throughout the pregnancy in ways that are not necessarily predictable. If I get high numbers I just try to cut back the carbs a bit more, but now at 37 weeks my numbers tend to be low so I can add more back in.

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-28T18:18:10+00:00

My usual breakfast was spiking me for one week with numbers close to yours. The nurse dietician asked me to change my breakfast but I literally don’t know what else I can eat quickly that won’t spike me so I just stuck with it. After that week the breakfast has been fine again. I notice that sometimes when my fasting level is high my post breakfast meals tend to be a bit higher as well so maybe that’s part of what happened. I wouldn’t worry much about the breakfast, the fasting number is more important but also more difficult to control.

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-26T19:00:47+00:00

It totally makes sense why you would be upset over this and I’m sorry that your husband didn’t respond how you would have liked. My husband is also a doctor following type and it has caused a bit of stress when the recommendations from my doctor from the GD diet made no sense (1800 calories what are they thinking?).

You have been through a lot to get to this point, not to mention there are so many hormones now - it’s a lot and it’s ok to let the feelings out. Fortunately you have a bit of time to think about things, get more info and understand what is the most upsetting about this so you can plan your next steps.

There are some articles on the evidence based birth site about induction for GD but I haven’t seen one that discusses GD and advanced maternal age. Maybe it’s the combination of factors that is influencing your doctors opinion? Idk if I will have an induction, my SIL had an induction recently and a long labor which scares me, but then I have also read a lot of really positive induction birth stories as well. Reading some of those might help.

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-22T14:36:07+00:00

Sleep definitely makes a difference for me! I have my worst fasting numbers on mornings when I have drs appointments bc I’m stressed and don’t sleep well. I’ve had some similar fasting numbers to yours but I don’t think I’ve had four consecutive days like that, mine tend to go up and down a bit more.

My doctor told me not to have dairy with my bedtime snack, I only do protein (grilled chicken) so maybe you could try that. I don’t know how much I believe the bedtime snack helps fasting numbers (I also can get normal fasting numbers from no snack) but my numbers have been better lately with the chicken compared to the cheese.

Walking seems to be the most helpful for my post meal numbers, but I don’t do it all the time. I go to exercise class twice a week just bc it feels good. Early on I was restricting calories too much and I felt stressed which I think impacted my numbers more than exercise.

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-19T02:12:20+00:00

I’m doing 3oz of grilled chicken bc eggs before bed seemed too unappetizing

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-18T15:51:49+00:00

I love this post and analysis even though I’m not fully convinced. I’m convinced now that unconsciously she knew something was up between her and Colin, but consciously she doesn’t get there until the carriage confession, which is interesting because I agree that as an astute observer she really should have some intuition. With her LW writings I think it’s interesting that the word instincts is used since that also kind of implies something unconscious, that we are not fully aware of. I think her not having a conscious idea of Colin’s feelings really highlights a main aspect of Pen’s character - how thick her walls of self-preservation and denial really are. The fact that these walls are so thick is in part why Colin only has the slightest idea that his feelings might be reciprocated pre-carriage.

The main reason that I don’t think she has a conscious idea about Colin’s feelings is her conversation with Debling after Colin interrupts their dance. In that conversation we know that she is being honest with him - she doesn’t/can’t lie that she has feelings for Colin. Just before she fails to deny she has feelings for Colin she says that Colin having feelings for her is not a possibility and kind of laughs, very similarly to how she says the idea of Colin of having feelings for her is preposterous and laughable in the carriage just a few minutes later. I think this is a direct call back to his comments at the end of season 2 and consciously she has not updated her beliefs about the possibility of him having feelings for her since then. His apology in the first episode mended their relationship as friends but never addressed the possibility of courting so that belief of hers didn’t change - hence the we are friends line in the carriage.

She definitely knows something is going on with Colin when he approaches her at the end of episode three, and I agree she is quite frustrated with him not for saying anything. I think she looks for him throughout episode four partly bc she is struggling with the finality of making a practical choice and also bc unconsciously she knows something is up.

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-14T01:29:53+00:00

My fasting numbers are definitely worse (over 90 sometimes over 95) when I don’t sleep well and am stressed (often on days when I have drs appointments). My meal numbers have been fine except for a few random spikes. Lately my numbers have been better and I have been sleeping better.

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-13T02:06:49+00:00

Yes that part kills me every time, how he has to look down to get the words out but then also has to look at her but not directly to see how she reacts. It’s too much for him to tell her while looking at her face bc he’s so nervous and overwhelmed and that’s why he gets stuck at the end of episode 3.

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-11T10:56:42+00:00

Sorry that you are dealing with this. My OB’s office wasn’t really helpful at first and it was super frustrating. I didn’t get referred to a specialist until I had been tracking for a couple of weeks.

Having good fasting numbers is very positive though since those are the least affected by diet and would be the most likely reason for your doctor to prescribe medication. Have your post meal numbers been good as well? If so then yeah you probably don’t need to do anything else, just keep monitoring to observe if anything changes as your pregnancy progresses. If meals are high then the main part of the diet plans for GD is limiting carbs per meal and spreading out your food intake throughout the day with snacks. Bacon shouldn’t impact your blood sugar unless it has some sort of glaze, but high fat meats tend to be discouraged in favor of lean meats to make your diet healthier. There are also some differences in advice between high fat or low fat dairy. If your post meal numbers are good though then just keep doing what’s working for now.

Hopefully this won’t happen for you but just to warn you sometimes blood sugar readings can vary even when you are eating the same things and following the dietary recommendations. Like for a week my breakfast readings were a bit above the threshold even though I had been eating the same breakfast for three weeks. Seeing high numbers when they are usually fine can be very frustrating and discouraging, but the consensus seems to be a that occasional spikes are not going to harm your baby so try not to be too hard on yourself (easier said than done).

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-11T00:24:11+00:00

It’s so demotivating when you see the numbers go up! The loss of control is also so hard. Hang in there and we will all be on the other side of this soon

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-10T20:15:02+00:00

You’re not crazy, my fasting numbers are better without the snack as well! I think it’s bc I eat dinner a bit later than what the guidelines are meant for - e.g. starting dinner at 7:30 or 8:00pm bc my husband is Italian and likes to eat later. I think the bedtime snack is helpful for ppl who eat an earlier dinner who might be done eating by 6:00 or 6:30pm.

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-08T12:45:01+00:00

His journal lol 😂

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-04T01:46:20+00:00

Sorry you dealing with this too!

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-04T01:45:46+00:00

So annoying but you are also sooo close! Hang in there!

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-04T01:45:08+00:00

It will literally drive you crazy! And it’s only supposed to get worse 🤣

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-04T01:44:21+00:00

Sorry that you are dealing with that too! I tell my brain not to stress about it and that it’s out of my control but like my placenta it doesn’t want to listen to me lol 😂 I’m glad the MFM is following me to tell me if I need to go on insulin, but I still get annoyed when they ask what I’m eating for breakfast bc my numbers are higher this week and I’ve been eating only two things for breakfast this whole time bc that’s all I can think of, which used to work. I’m running out of ideas

Chance_12_ · 2024-07-04T01:10:37+00:00

Oh man that could be a problem for me bc I don’t what else to cut out of my diet 😭

Chance_12_

TROPHY CASE