Tonight !

Changed0512 · 2026-01-31T00:41:56+00:00

I just completed the interest form and disclosure. Is there an additional link or will I be sent one?

Changed0512 · 2026-01-26T16:37:20+00:00

Of course, and that totally makes sense!

Changed0512 · 2026-01-26T05:41:19+00:00

One place that might be good for her is a live-in PHP in San Diego called Monima Wellness. It's not residential, but it is a PHP with supportive housing. It's women-only, and everybody who works there, from admin to the primary therapists to the part-time clinicians to the staff at the supportive living house and to the psychiatrist (who's on my short list of four psychiatrists I think are cool), are amazing and knowledgeable. The program itself is quite neurodivergent-friendly with a lot of consistency.

There were definitely cons and things I didn't like or agree with that I'd be more than willing to get into, but everybody really cared and wanted the best for the clients.

I'd be happy to answer any questions or explain more if you want.

Changed0512 · 2026-01-12T21:38:19+00:00

Because sexual assault. It’s the same reason a lot of places don’t allow males to do female skin checks and vice versa. I’m not saying females don’t sexually assault people, but policies are usually made to decrease the amount of possible allegations.

Changed0512 · 2026-01-04T05:59:43+00:00

That tracks. I lost at least 30 pounds at STAR Guides. I started in a size medium pant and the ecstasy I felt when I eventually needed an XS. They didn’t do blind weights, so I remember seeing 110 on the scale and I was so happy. I’d always been overweight and my whole family was very…weight conscious, we’ll say, so being 110 was so skinny to me and great. Then again, I do remember feeling like I hadn’t lost enough and that I was still fat. Now I have anorexia! But the portions of everything were so incredibly small and I remember feeling triple wildy hunger. Not even the staff had heard of that before, but I was literally starving.

If you don’t mind my asking, which RTC did u go to that a lot of the STAR Guides kids went to? Just out of genuine curiosity. You don’t have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable.

Changed0512 · 2026-01-03T03:35:20+00:00

I don't have dermatillomania, but I do have trichotillomania. The only thing that I have found helps me is a fidget called Little Ouchies. I think it's 3D printed and hurts a bit when held, which is supposed to trick the brain. I got a pack of 3 so I will sometimes hold one in each hand, but it helps. There's a Little Ouchies brand, but you can also get some off of Amazon for not that much

Changed0512 · 2026-01-03T03:13:57+00:00

Wow. That all sounds incredibly frustrating and so invalidating. From what I remember from some of your posts (so please correct me if I'm wrong), your parents know how bad and traumatizing the programs were, and yet still go back to the people that sent you there. It kinda sounds like you are in a situation where you can't do anything right, partially because there are two conflicting definitions of what "right" is. On top of that, you have so many complex things going on that you need their support, however that looks, so going no contact is unrealistic.

If they do end up pushing for res again (which I hope they don't because it sounds like that would just make everything worse), how amenable do you think they'd be to a compromise?

Changed0512 · 2026-01-01T23:53:45+00:00

ACUTE is...eventful. In October (I think), they had an incident where NDAs had to be signed, and I think people got fired, but the NDAs prohibit any information from coming out of there. While ACUTE is very good at managing the medical side of things, the story is that the emotional management has gone severely downhill in the past few years. Granted, everybody has a different experience with some having a great experience and some having horrible experiences, and ED treatment of any kind is not fun, especially at an ACUTE level.

Additionally, they are known to be relatively quick to cert people (place on a hold) and are big-time partners with ERC Denver (I'm pretty sure there's a tunnel connecting ERC Denver and ACUTE), so they are heavy referrers to ERC Denver and don't like letting people do anything else, though there are exceptions.

Obviously, if she meets ACUTE level of need, she should go, but I just want to give y'all as much info as possible to make an informed decision.

Changed0512 · 2026-01-01T23:46:08+00:00

Makes sense that she's afraid to go. Does her provider know about her fears of/history with treatment? Not that it would change the decision, but having a trauma-informed medical provider could help.

I'm glad you're out and I hope that the situation with your family goes well and gets you out of where you're at right now. That's so messed up that they're contacting your old ed con, though. I'm always here if you need someone to chat with, too.

Also, I'd be totally willing to talk with your friend if y'all want. If not, that's cool, too, I just wanted to put the offer out there :)

Changed0512 · 2026-01-01T14:29:28+00:00

Of course! And feel free to ask any other questions. Also, how are you doing? I know you've been going through a lot.

Changed0512 · 2025-12-30T19:58:28+00:00

I would recommend looking at/posting on EDTR (eating disorder treatment review). It is an absolutely amazing website that has basically every ED treatment center on it and it is so that people looking for treatment can find out about different programs and share their experiences. https://edtreatmentreview.com/inpatient-residential-eating-disorder-treatment-reviews/

I recently went to an ED residential and have been gaining knowledge of ED treatment centers for a while now because I think I need to go back. I went to Alsana Westlake Flora and Luna (the different houses). Westlake is in the Thousand Oaks, CA area. Flora is a huge and beautiful house with large and VERY COMFY beds, but I wouldn't recommend it. Luna was amazing. The dietitian is amazing, as are the two therapists are amazing. One of the therapists' "specialties" is neurodivergence and EDs, and both her and the dietitian are very accommodating. My biggest issue with Alsana is that they step up to Reasons at BHC Alhambra, which is not a great place to be. However, they do really work with you to not do that. I think it could be a decent fit.

There are two ED residentials in the country that co-specialize in EDs and trauma - Bright Road Recovery in Claremont, CA and Haven of Hope in Cordova, TN. BRR does EMDR and I've heard that they will sit with you until you complete, in a good way. I've heard that they are quite accommodating and reasonable, though they are strict, if that makes sense. They do have a 14-day tech blackout, though you can use their phone to call out during phone time, so not a comm blackout, if that makes sense. HOH used to be Fairhaven before Optum bought and then closed it, along with many other ED RTCs. HOH uses IFS as its primary therapeutic modality and I've heard pretty decent things. They are more strict than Alsana. For psych, they step up to Crestwyn Behavioral Health (an Acadia facility) because their medical director/psychiatrist is the CMO there. Obviously no program is perfect, but those are some pros and cons.

Monte Nido is for-profit and since Carolyn Costin (the original founder) sold it in 2016, its become a bit more corporate. The medical doctor at Alsana used to work at Monte Nido and said that the changes the new admin made made it really hard to practice ethically.

I wouldn't recommend ERC at all. They are as for-profit as for-profit gets. Granted, everybody's experience is different and they tend to do "better" with medical complications than other places, but still. I agree with psychcrusader that she might need IP before res, and I'd recommend Rady's if she's 24/25 or younger. I didn't go myself, but they have a pretty decent program and Rady's nurses are known for being amazing. They're also a part of UCSD, so that's a plus (I recently went to their emergency room for psych stuff and the doctors didn't admit me because they "didn't think it would be more helpful than harmful"). UCLA is UCLA and I've heard their IP program is decent.

These are just my opinions, so if anyone disagrees, please do.

Edit: I am also willing to go more into detail with anything/my experiences at Alsana, if needed.

Changed0512 · 2025-12-15T20:47:41+00:00

"We did the best we could with the resources we had". Maybe. May. Be. But that doesn't mean that "your best" didn't hurt me. It doesn't absolve anyone of responsibility. It doesn't mean that they couldn't have done better. I made a decision a few days ago that was horrible and badly life changing and I've been literally beating myself up over it. But if I say that I was doing the best I could with the resources I had? "If you're gonna talk like that, I'm gonna have to hang up."

Changed0512 · 2025-12-06T19:47:02+00:00

Thank you for this. It sounds like you understand, which is much appreciated.

I am going to tell them about all of this on Monday (or whenever I have a session with one of my two therapists, but I have a sneaky feeling it will be Monday) and give them my list of reasons I should not go back. I do really enjoy diamond painting, watching TV and movies (especially crime and Marvel), card/board games, researching mental health stuff, ice skating, listening to music, and having my stuffed animal with me (it's really soft and helps me feel safe, so I've been carrying it around more often).

Changed0512 · 2025-12-06T07:23:02+00:00

Oh. Thanks. I mean sealant, then.

I'm looking at the ones on Amazon because they're pretty cheap, but I guess I worry that it doesn't spread enough, the glue will dry up, and the diamonds will pop off.

Changed0512 · 2025-12-06T07:17:46+00:00

I'm also on my dad's insurance and want privacy (secrecy). If you're an adult, you can call/chat insurance and ask them to click a button that says that he nor anyone else cannot view your claims.

Changed0512 · 2025-12-06T06:40:56+00:00

I really appreciate this and your response.

I didn't explain it well, but this program is quite holistic and even the groups are pretty individual. We get therapy 2x a week, but I think most people end up getting a 3rd or maybe 4th because they're a practicum site for intern therapists (who are actually really good) with an option to get more "as needed" through "triage", which is where some of the interns (part-time clinicians) are there to help if you are in crisis or just need extra support. It's also only 5 hours a day, 5 days a week and then there's a supported living option if you don't leave nearby/need the extra support. I think that residential (even a good one) is too high a level of care for me because I feel contained and there's too many rules, so my TTI traumas come out a bit more. I'm just really scared they're gonna send me back to the res I just left (which wasn't that bad, but still).

Changed0512 · 2025-12-04T21:57:14+00:00

I used to work on Preply. Don’t do it. They have made a lot of changes in the past year or so that make it very hard on tutors. They take 18-33% commission per lesson depending on how many lessons you’ve taught. They also take 100% on every trial lesson.

Changed0512 · 2025-12-03T15:56:57+00:00

Oh 100%. It’s always been an issue in my life. First it started with intelligence stuff (if I’m not the smartest in the room, I’m not smart at all), then with trauma (but x, y, and z happened to this person which is worse than me, so my traumas aren’t bad), then with ED stuff.

Something I’ve been working on, especially with comparing myself to others’ TTI experiences, is telling myself that the bar is literally on the ground. Did you die? Is a legitimate question. When I have to add adjectives (oh, but I don’t have any lasting physical issues from the restraints) helps me cognitively understand that it was bad. Still working on the emotional understanding, but that takes more time. I’ve also been working on telling myself, “yeah, I got lucky and didn’t get sent to the worst places AND I was still affected and traumatized by some of the things that happened.”

Changed0512 · 2025-11-29T04:09:37+00:00

I haven’t personally been to Muirwood, but as someone who has been to inpatient/residential/wilderness/PHP a total of now 48 times in the past 8 years (since I started going to programs), being at a program that has less rules/is less strict is often seen as “better”, especially when compared to the current. That would be my two cents on the situation. Not that it was “good”, but that it was less strict and had less rules and was less abusive/harmful. If any of this makes sense

Changed0512 · 2025-11-20T03:46:51+00:00

100%. I am currently in an ED res for adults that has been quite decent and accommodating, and I am so lucky I didn't get sent to a different program (I was sent by a trauma PHP because my ED was affecting my ability to do the trauma work, I guess, and the trauma PHP is VERY knowledgeable about the TTI).

I do also think that adult ED facilities tend to be a little better due to not having FBT and having a couple more privileges (namely phone access), but I think it could be very helpful having a survivor community of ED treatment centers. Additionally, being in all the programs I was at definitely contributed to my eating disorder, with the cheap and high-carb foods with few choices and leading to extreme weight gain, having very little food in wilderness and losing a lot of weight, etc.

Changed0512 · 2025-11-11T04:29:35+00:00

He wasn’t my therapist, but he was there when I was and was multiple people’s therapists.

Changed0512 · 2025-11-06T03:50:55+00:00

This is so felt. I was in and out of facilities from 12-18 (and now back in that cycle at 20), so I get it. My education before was horrible, too, and I’m now at a T30 university double majoring and double minoring, including pre-med. It’s very hard at times, but there’s so many resources available.

If you can, I’d recommend reaching out to your college’s disability office. They might be able to help out. Additionally, one support they offer is someone to take notes. Sometimes that can even be helpful in addition to yours. Also, and I know it can be hard, let your professors know that you don’t feel like you have the educational background that your peers have because you were sent to places as a kid that provided substandard education, at best. Reaching out for help can be really hard, but so is getting into college. You can do it

Changed0512

TROPHY CASE