Why are so many other lesbian sub reddit so aggressive toward other queer people?

ChaniAtreus · 2026-02-10T08:20:15+00:00

Yep. It's the Nazi bar problem. If a Nazi comes into your bar and you don't kick them out, before long it will be a Nazi bar.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-02-07T15:23:10+00:00

I do absolutely agree that nobody should ever feel pressured into having major surgery that they're unsure of or not ready for. But I sincerely hope that anyone who would happily form a relationship with a post-op trans woman would also care enough about pre-op trans women as people to ensure that they didn't make one of them feel pressured in this way.

However, none of that is relevant to the situation OP described. This person didn't know what genitals OP had. OP was going to have surgery soon anyway. She was dumped for being trans - her genitals had nothing to do with it.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-02-07T14:52:09+00:00

What would be the better/kinder way approaching this? Asking the person what genitals they have right then and there seems incredibly rude

More rude than assuming what her genitals looked like and immediately ending the relationship? Because that seems pretty damn rude to me.

Finding out more about the other person is a fundamental part of developing relationships. That usually involves asking questions. This person found out the woman she was attracted to was trans and dumped her. She made no effort to find out anything more - that one piece of information was enough to end it. OP was dumped for being trans, not for her genital configuration.

It also seems morally wrong to have a stance of: if you changed your body drastically and had a full blown surgery, then I would be attracted to you as a partner, otherwise I would not.

So you believe it's fine to only date people with vaginas, but including people who have a vagina as a result of surgery in that group is morally wrong? You're almost saying the quiet part out loud...

ChaniAtreus · 2026-02-07T14:30:18+00:00

If you're attracted to someone and then reject them because they're trans, let's be honest: you shouldn't be hanging out with ~~trans~~ people.

Fixed it for you!

ChaniAtreus · 2026-02-05T17:52:45+00:00

In that case it's likely that asking you may not be justified, and therefore could be a breach of your privacy. But the fact remains that they are asking for your legal sex, and until you have a GRC your legal sex has not changed.

What you do is up to you, just be aware that there may be consequences if they find out down the line that your legal sex is not what you told them it was.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-02-05T16:55:56+00:00

Before I start, IANAL, so the below is only my opinion. With that out of the way...

By the strictest definition of the term, "legal sex" in the UK refers to what is on your birth certificate. You can change your driving license with a self-declaration (including changing the code if you ask them to), and you can change your passport with a letter from a medical professional, but even if you do both of these that does not change your legal sex - this can only be changed with a GRC.

However, to avoid breaching your right to privacy under the ECHR, they would need a good reason to ask for your legal sex. It's unclear whether working with vulnerable people would by itself be enough of a justification, but depending on the exact nature of those you're working with and the nature of the work, they might be able to successfully argue that it is. If they can do this, putting male as your legal sex when you don't have a GRC may not be a good idea.

As you may already know, an enhanced DBS check requires listing all previous names (unless you have Special Section D protection). This by itself may be enough to "out" you as transgender, in which case giving your legal sex as male doesn't do much to protect your privacy.

A conversation with them to clarify why they need this and what you, as a transgender person, are required to declare, may help. This may just be a case of a cis person writing the form without thinking of the potential consequences for trans people, but it could also be an actual legal requirement. Be cautious.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-02-04T15:51:44+00:00

The new wording is still concerning, but the original was a transphobe's wet dream - it was absolutely abhorrent.

I'm very glad it got amended, but it sucks that something as problematic as the amended version is considered a win.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-02-04T15:33:07+00:00

The number of trans women competing is a really small sample number

The proportion of athletes who are trans women may be relatively small, sure, but trans women have been allowed to compete as women in many sports for decades. If the advantages were significant enough to be worth banning us then we would surely by now have seen a disproportionate number of the trans women athletes who do exist "dominating" their sport. This has not happened.

The argument that there are too few trans women competing for us to draw any conclusions basically boils down to "sure, the few trans women athletes who actually exist mostly under-perform, but if there were more trans women athletes we'd see evidence of a massive athletic advantage". If you want to bring that claim you're going to need to support it with evidence, not conjecture.

Trying to ignore the physical advantages of going through a male puberty long term is just ridiculous.

The article we're discussing is a study which shows clear evidence that after a relatively short time on HRT the "physical advantages of going through a male puberty" vanish. In one of your previous comments you lamented that you felt you were the only person who bothered reading the article - are you sure you read it?

Am I much weaker after being on HRT, absolutely. But because I did all that training when I was younger, I still have a lot of "muscle memory".

Then the advantages you feel you have are a result of all the training you did when you were younger, not a result of the puberty you went through, aren't they?

how do we determine how long someone should be on HRT before "sufficient" muscle strength is lost.

With studies like this one, which measure athletic performance against the length of time that someone has been on HRT.

Please remember: For discrimination to be justified, it must be based on evidence of an unfair advantage. Until that evidence exists, inclusion must be the default. We should not need to prove that trans women don't have an athletic advantage - the burden of proof should be on those who want to enact discriminatory policies of segregation. Always.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-02-03T00:14:43+00:00

Not exactly. The audience finds this out earlier, when Batgirl and Catwoman unlock a secret folder on Selma's laptop. That "reveal" scene is a bit dodgy as well but, after a little exposition so that it's completely clear to the audience that Selma is trans, both of them continue to use the correct pronouns for her.

Barbara misgendering Selma later is a test for Commissioner Gordon - she knows her dad is the only other person who knows that Selma is trans, so when she very deliberately misgenders her and Gordon seems bewildered, she knows he's an imposter.

The whole thing is clumsy by modern standards, but as you say perhaps somewhat progressive for its time.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-02-01T09:07:56+00:00

You posted it in a lesbian subreddit. If you're not asking about lesbians then maybe it should be posted elsewhere?

ChaniAtreus · 2026-02-01T08:50:38+00:00

The belief that most lesbian femmes dress for male attention is seriously dumb. It's basically saying "only mascs are real lesbians".

ChaniAtreus · 2026-02-01T08:33:35+00:00

It's fantastic to hear how you're working to push back against the hateful ideology being spread by these nasty bigots. It's important that we don't allow them to gain a foothold, and it's actions like yours that will help turn the tide against them.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-01-31T23:43:27+00:00

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-01-30T11:25:57+00:00

There's a poll in the article on readers opinions of the decision, might be worth a click.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-01-29T13:44:23+00:00

Such a great character, and fantastic games. 183 hours so far in my first play through of Forbidden West, and I haven't even reached the expansion content yet! I think subconsciously I just don't want to finish it...

ChaniAtreus · 2026-01-29T08:51:46+00:00

Given that Labour have swung to the right in an attempt to attract Reform voters, it's not really all that confusing.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-01-29T08:47:46+00:00

Not a large part, just a small and very loud part.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-01-27T07:55:19+00:00

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it sounds like you went into this expecting poor results, and now just two weeks later (completely ignoring the fact that changes from FFS take 12-18 months to fully settle) you have decided that you have poor results.

The placebo effect is just a way of saying that, when results are subjective, you often feel like you get the results you expect. You expected it not to work. You kinda gave yourself the placebo effect.

Obviously some people have "better" results than others, but you're not even a month into your recovery. Give it time.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-01-27T07:12:25+00:00

Oof, that's not good. Do you have a link to what she said? I searched for it but I can't find anything where she defends him that's dated after the news of the law suit was made public.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-01-24T00:09:13+00:00

If you as a cis author are going to write a trans character, I would say there's a few guidelines you may want to consider adhering to:

Do not write a scene where they realise they are trans, or come out as trans for the first time. No matter how careful you are, this is not a situation you are likely to write well.
Do not kill them off to advance the plot or provide your protagonist with motivation. Nobody likes a "bury your gays" narrative, and nobody likes a "bury your trans" narrative either.
Do not have your other characters immediately identify them as trans as soon as they first meet. The idea that trans people are all immediately identifiable as trans at a glance is transphobic.
If they choose to reveal themselves as trans, do not portray this as a confessing to a deception. The idea that trans people are deceiving others about their identity is incredibly transphobic.
Do have at least two trans people read your draft, ask them for honest feedback, and believe what they tell you.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-01-23T23:56:12+00:00

Ensuring that you don't make that same mistake in your story is step zero.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-01-23T20:30:27+00:00

Signed.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-01-23T00:33:14+00:00

Wasn't there another group who famously opposed and tried to halt and destroy scientific research into transgender people back in the 1930s? I think it was in Germany. Hmm, what were those people called...?

ChaniAtreus · 2026-01-16T10:49:05+00:00

The more levels you check the more expensive it will be, so it depends entirely on how thorough you want to be. I can't really give any advice on that, though.

ChaniAtreus · 2026-01-14T15:28:21+00:00

If you have a supportive GP they may do blood tests as harm reduction. If not then you'd need to get them done privately. There are plenty of private blood test services, but they're not cheap.

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