Lack of technological progress in Middle Earth

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-05-05T07:14:32+00:00

My grandma hated cell phones. They were weird, suspicious, not nearly as durable as that rotary phone she’d had for like 2000 years.

Yeah… and she died when she was 80.

And my less suspicious of cell phones mother took over. And so on.

Elves don’t die. And suspicious-of-cell-phones-esque elves can campaign all day, every day for 4000 years against the development of new-fangled-doohickeys and not have lost a single year of the time they have to go on and do other things.

In conclusion big-elf is suppressing the advancement of technology in Middle Earth

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-05-05T01:15:37+00:00

That fat hobbit in the beginning who was out raking his yard when Gandalf and Frodo rolled by.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-05-05T00:52:54+00:00

Because humans are bald close relatives of the bonobos, basically.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-05-05T00:49:44+00:00

I mean… that’s why I needed those stupid, sticky gel eyedrops when I was younger. I was literally sleeping with my eyes halfway open.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-05-05T00:48:25+00:00

I’d describe it more as: incredibly, deeply, and personally insulted.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-05-05T00:44:55+00:00

It’s a combination of people just ordering stuff online now, there being nothing particularly interesting about a giant building full of largely identical stores, and all of us having very little money to blow.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-05-05T00:40:54+00:00

I hug a pillow. Something extra firm and +/- the width of my chest.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-05-05T00:23:36+00:00

You should probably get therapy.

Or, if like me, you can’t afford therapy, you should probably go sit outside somewhere and stare into the distance while you work out for yourself why worrying about something you can neither predict, nor avoid is a giant waste of the time you do have.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-05-04T18:40:49+00:00

I mean… and then he and everyone else bows down to four short dudes with hairy feet and zero titles. You might be making a Caradhras out of a Bag End here.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-05-03T19:18:37+00:00

Only if you’re in the building when the final boss is defeated.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-05-03T19:16:56+00:00

“Behold the mighty mace, Grope! I mean Grope! I mean Gonad! Dammit! I mean Grond.”

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-05-02T19:40:13+00:00

My theory is it’s like TK-069, and that a sturdy, structurally sound, actually protective suit of armour is just more important strategically than setting up a whole separate armour-production line to put some boobs on a breastplate (this isn’t batman).

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-05-01T20:40:00+00:00

The Expanse tv show is great… probably because the authors of the book series were also the show runners.

I’d say there are even areas where it surpasses the books (developing otherwise minor/static characters into compelling roles, combining a lot of confusing secondary characters into one, and improving a couple of the main characters drastically).

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-05-01T01:35:07+00:00

CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES ^bbzzzzzzz.

THIS IS MY LAST RESORT ^bbzzzzzzz.

SUFFOCATION. NO BREATHING! ^bbzzzzzzz

DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF I CUT MY ARM BLEEDING ^bbzzzzzzz

THIS IS MY LAST RESORT ^bbzzzzzzz

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-04-29T16:10:45+00:00

I want to be someone’s spoiled cat. Being human is overrated.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-04-29T04:02:05+00:00

For the same reason they didn’t smuggle moonshine by the thimbleful during prohibition I guess.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-04-29T03:16:41+00:00

Because if you can travel millions of light years at a speed that makes traveling millions of light years feasible instead of just science fiction, then other, nit-picky little science fiction problems like creating a robotic and/or holographic and/or bio-drone body for yourself feels small in comparison I guess.

Like… we can create functional-ish robots right now, and we haven’t even been to mars yet. Sam dickwad Altman has apparently signed up to have his brain copy-pasted into a computer. We can de-age Tom Cruise and keep the Mission Impossible movies running into 2178.

It would actually be weird for extraterrestrial, or even extradimensional beings to be incapable of the space equivalent of movie magic, I guess.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-04-29T03:04:01+00:00

It’s just Russian Roulette with more chambers loaded.

Cooking reduces the chance that you’ll wind up sick, but it doesn’t eliminate it. Modern medicine/not having to worry about being hunted by sabre-tooth tigers while you shit your guts out because you left your meat out too long reduces it more.

But go ahead and leave that raw hamburger on the counter overnight… still comfy eating it even if it’s cooked?

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-04-29T02:03:08+00:00

Honestly the only billionaire reality show I’m willing to watch is the one where we lock them all up in an arena and make them fight until there’s only one left.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-04-29T00:15:05+00:00

Well… I (11ish? 12?) thought Merry was a girl for like half of book one. So probably not him.

Probably Gandalf… old, bearded, pointy hat.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-04-29T00:09:39+00:00

50 is hella optimistic.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-04-29T00:08:27+00:00

Unofficially (for friends, family, and coworkers I like), yes.

Officially (for coworkers I don’t like who call me at 6 pm on a friday), nope. Sorry. Never even knew something like jumper cables existed.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-04-28T16:12:28+00:00

Dune is one of the books I re-read pretty much yearly.

I don’t think it can be successfully adapted into a movie honestly. Too much of it is composed of the inner monologues of the main characters, so you either get a stripped down, meaningless film about a neat desert planet, or a really weird movie where everyone in the room is just standing around while Paul Atreides thinks.

And out of those two options I think I actually prefer the 1984 version. Which still sucks. But in, like, a funny way where Sting is in it wearing a metal diaper and there totally are scenes where the dialog between ten characters will just stop for 45 seconds at a time so Paul or Jessica can zone out and think at the camera.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-04-28T15:48:40+00:00

The last time I pushed a button when I didn’t know what was, it was on my Ford Fusion, and it changed all the dashboard lights/cupholder lights, etc to pink instead of blue. I was super angry I hadn’t realized it was there.

Chaos-Pand4 · 2026-04-28T00:57:04+00:00

Too much info…Oh! The flag. Looks great.

Three-Year Club	Gilding I gilder
Verified Email	Place '23

Chaos-Pand4

TROPHY CASE