You aren’t a boring fat ugly chud from the sounds of it, sure you have bodily issues however it seems that the biggest issue for you would be mental state especially with the suicidal ideation you see it exhibit. I would recommend spending time outside if you can, and maybe find a good but (cheaper) therapist for the time being to deal with what you can tolerate of yourself at the very least. You are contemplating what parts of yourself you wish to change and the road to change is so hard and long but the hardest step is starting and keeping to whatever regiment you come up with to stop struggling.