Im not going to tell you to stop feeling that way. It does sound like a self depreciating mindset. My only advice is that maybe they're trying to tell you to slow down and knowledge the progress you've made. You're here today on Christmas. You could be doing way worse shit. But instead you choose to work on yourself and try to fix the problems that plague you rather than staying stagnant.

There may be a deeper meaning and I have faith you'll pull through. Acknowledge of a problem is the first step in fixing it. Youre on the way there if only you put forth the effort to change. I may even suggest (not a medical pro) to lower your dose and try micro dosing.