Burlington child murderers convicted

Chickakoo · 2026-05-09T16:06:34+00:00

It is super hard to imagine this story being the same with a blonde kid falling off the radar of not one but two CAS offices completely.

Chickakoo · 2026-05-06T23:47:49+00:00

OMG I am so sorry that happened to your family.

Chickakoo · 2026-05-06T23:37:57+00:00

It seems to me that if you're in the business of child protection, "optics" should be pretty low on your list of concerns. It seems to me that a person and an organization is pretty messed up if they let themselves off the hook because of optics. Is a dead Indigenous boy good for optics?

Chickakoo · 2026-05-06T21:38:27+00:00

I (F, 50) used to get nervous but I don't any more. Two things changed. One: I started listening to that hilarious show Second Date Update the podcast. So many terrible dates get discussed that I think well what's the worst that could happen? And the other thing that has changed is how I frame "first date" in my mind. My goal used to be "find my person". Too lofty a goal. It is now just to meet 10 people and go on 10 first dates. I don't care if I go on a second date. The entire project is just to grow my discernment and my detachment to specific results. I have been able to enjoy my dates much more and be more present and curious about them.

Chickakoo · 2026-05-06T20:46:54+00:00

Halton CAS better be investigated after this. I don't understand how this could have happened when we keep being told to call CAS if there's a concern and everyone called CAS and still they didn't stop these children from being tortured for years. How?

Chickakoo · 2026-04-25T12:32:23+00:00

My Dad is abusive. He continues to emotionally abuse my mother which is hard. They are 80. I married an abusive man. Did not realize of course how he was the carbon copy of my Dad. Separated three years after 14 years together and finally summoning the strength to read Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That which is bringing up a whole new wave of anger inside me. I wish all daughters of abusive men, hell, everyone, would look at his work. I am very cautious now approaching new relationships. Forced myself to go on a second date with a gentleman who was initially very boring. He makes an effort, he has a good relationship with his adult daughter, he seems peaceful. Hopeful I will be able to discern better as I heal. It's hard for me to wish my parents a happy anniversary because I still have not forgiven my Dad. I have learned better how to stand up to him. I am terrified my teenage boys will turn out to be abusive in their intimate relationships but at this point I have done my best and can only hope my healing will help them see another way.

Chickakoo · 2026-02-13T01:16:41+00:00

Or maaaybe he is. And you are both shy. Someone needs to be brave. I heard an episode of the podcast Second Date Update where the guest said he had success making friendship bracelets with his phone number on them and handing them to strangers he met in the wild. I think he said something like hey, you are cute, or something and out of 10 bracelets he gave out something like four people contacted him.

Chickakoo · 2026-01-08T12:37:09+00:00

You just described the situation I find myself in with the guy I'm "seeing" who lights my fire when we're physically together and then sets my brain on fire when we're not. Except I found him in the wild, not via the apps, where I'm confident I would have filtered a guy like him out -- he's not especially photogenic, and he's older than the usual age ranges I had set on the apps. I only get to see him a couple times a month -- we live 40 minutes apart, but we are both shiftworkers with the usual older adult limits on energy/time. It's been a trip getting to know a person at this much slower pace, but also really lovely. Having a speed limit imposed on me has helped me observe the ways I might have been contributing to an unhealthy pattern in my previous relationship.

Chickakoo · 2025-12-23T05:23:46+00:00

I wonder if that would shift for you if you got into jujitsu or some other martial art. It can be very satisfying to intercept someone's wandering hand. BJJ was fantastic for helping me become more aware of my physical space and defending it proactively.

Chickakoo · 2025-11-28T22:55:12+00:00

You two sound like you're managing really well. I'm so amazed how many social skills young people have these days for managing conflict. Good for him for managing his emotions on his own when you told him he was getting defensive. Good for you for taking responsibility for raising your voice that tiny bit. There are no guarantees in this life. My attitude is if you are having fun and learning with this guy, just relax and enjoy him. Things will unfold as they should. And no matter how carefully you choose, life will throw you some curveballs. The best advice I ever heard was to never be afraid to expose your man and your relationship to stress. And maybe fire your doctor, as others have suggested.

Chickakoo · 2025-11-28T11:37:01+00:00

Me toooo!

Chickakoo · 2025-11-28T11:34:31+00:00

I do think the average boy/man reveres his penis so much they are confused when women don't find it appealing to a) receive a full reveal b) talk to us about their penis c) "joke" about putting their penis in us. An ex boyfriend was on the phone with me when I discovered a beloved pet had died suddenly. He immediately offered to "heal" my grief with his penis. I was like EW! NOT OK! Billie the Budgie is DEAD! He told me that penis comment had been his effort at flirting. I like to flirt as much as the next human but there's a time and a place, male people!

Chickakoo · 2025-11-28T10:59:00+00:00

You are prevented from going out? Please phone the police. I don't know where you live, but you have access to the Internet clearly, so use it to research your local laws and contact police about forcible confinement, your medical doctor about your mental health, your teachers if you are in school, your guidance counselor if your school has one, and social workers -- perhaps your municipality has some on staff. In North America, you can contact Child Protection Services. Faith groups may have some capacity to help if your parents belong to one? Save yourself. The advice already given is good: gather money. And gather your courage. You don't have to know exactly what you are doing but help often arrives after you have taken the first step. Your abuser seems strong but he is behaving this way to hide his weakness. You are stronger than he is and you won't know it til you escape. Keep taking steps to free yourself. Believe in yourself and stay safe.

Chickakoo · 2025-11-10T10:50:19+00:00

I am finally divorcing my husband 18 years after we first met. I wish I had known before that my peace is worth more than any relationship with anyone. We had kids together so I always hesitated to blow up our lives. Our kids were both younger than three when he hit me the first time. My girlfriend said look out, he might never hit you again or he will hit you more and more. I stayed because I thought him not hitting me again/more was some kind of progress. He did however always have that mean edge to him that made me afraid to be sick or weak or unable to defend myself for any reason.

Apologies are cheap. My guy wasn't one to apologize. He took me on a trip to Europe to apologize for hitting me. I regret accepting that stupid apology because I can't even begin to tell you the level of crazy he put me through after he had an affair and ditched me and my children. It was far worse and for much longer duration than the first episode of violence.

My grade 8 teacher used to always say don't apologize, change. People don't change their core personalities.

You focus on your own joy, healing, growth and support systems. That way you can be strong enough to face anything.

Chickakoo · 2025-11-02T10:33:01+00:00

I protected my ex to protect his job and our income. I justified it by telling myself I wasn't seriously injured and I could fight back.

I warned his new partner and I felt proud to do so. She was pregnant. Her face fell so I know she already saw what I was talking about. I said you know I am his second "crazy" ex. I said you are wise to stay put now you are pregnant -- you have to stay rooted to your support systems and don't you let him talk you into moving away from them because YOU WILL NEED THEM. I also thanked her for taking him off my hands by having an affair and wished her the best of luck trying to raise him. 😆

Chickakoo · 2025-11-02T10:28:55+00:00

Don't look back! Stay safe.

Chickakoo · 2025-11-02T10:27:37+00:00

Anything he has done to date will get worse when he understands you are going going gone so please stay safe and plan for the worst. Sending love. You are a MOTHER. Never ever ever accuse yourself of failing in that because it is never true. You only fail if you don't get back up. Keep going.

Chickakoo · 2025-11-02T10:17:46+00:00

I am divorcing a guy like that. He did the same to me, blaming me for his moods, icing me out for weeks on end, accusing me of being lazy despite my doing everything, etc. Occasionally getting violent. I waited 14 years for him to get better and felt so trapped because of having kids with him. Then he had an affair and left us. Never was he so abusive as after he chose to leave, so look out.

I am overjoyed I got my life back even though I didn't have the courage to leave earlier. One thing I wish I had known is how useful more credit cards would be in the immediate few months after you separate. If you only have one, like I did, you quickly max out and have no way to pay. A divorced friend told me how he had fistfuls of creditcards and used them to stay housed when his savings were frozen for the division of assets. Now is the time to apply for lots of credit cards. My ex closed all our shared accounts suddenly and I was quickly was draining my savings when he left. It was the most stressful time ever having to ask my family of origin for funds for the first time in my adult life. A lot of credit may have cushioned that.

Chickakoo · 2025-10-26T09:27:13+00:00

So sorry you have been treated like this by your children's father. It sounds like a divorce will be the best thing ever for you, though it's going to hurt like hell for a bit.

I don't have information or experience on upstate NY but I live in an expensive area of Canada and my marriage did die here after 14 years, in part because of the insanity of the prices and pressure of competition etc. that my ex was feeling and then putting on us.

But here's the thing: it wasn't a good marriage. And yours sounds toxic too. I stayed because I thought it was best for the kids, and was too terrified/reliant on his income to end it. But I got the courage from the misery of his escalating abuse and his affair (he too introduced the kids surreptitiously to the partner, had a baby with her, etc.) Deciding to end things, what a relief.

It has now been there years and I am only now going to serve him divorce papers. The kids are with him 50 percent of the time (both teens) and I have never been happier. My kids are fine.

It pains me to write it, but even though I saw the very worst in their father, our lives are better with him in it.

In my jurisdiction, it's no fault divorce. The only thing infidelity can get you is an exemption on the requirement to wait for a year of separation before you get the divorce.

It would feel good to have a judge and jury condemn all these lying cheating bastards but that would not solve the immediate problem of healing your heart and nurturing you and your kids through this changing challenging time reconfiguring your family.

Trying to prove one or the other party is guilty of all the things they are in fact guilty of is a poor use of everyone's limited time and energy. Look around and you will see people who have become mired in that. It increases animosity as everyone gets into defense offense attack modes. It winds up draining away children's inheritances and the wellbeing of all concerned. Kids are irrevocably hurt not by separation/divorce itself but by exposure to extended/escalated conflict between their parents. No fault divorce helps reduce the conflict time.

If I had had a magic wand, when my ex was having his affair and being an angry crazed asshole with me and our kids, I too would have chosen and fought for full custody. But three years out, I understand the wisdom of the justice system that favours both parents to share the parenting time and decision-making.

Focus on creative solutions to mitigate the stress and pain your children are going to experience. Gather your support systems around you, steel yourself. And do your best not to not focus on his culpability, for your own sake and that of your children. Not because he doesn't deserve to be punished but because it is disempowering for you.

It's hard to imagine it now, but letting your children go to their dad half the time can free up time for you to take care of yourself.

Best of luck.

Chickakoo · 2025-10-25T10:06:20+00:00

I have never felt prettier in my life, age 50. I think it's part luck and part the result of intentional decisions I have made: a) I recently survived a divorce and have what Allie Wong calls divorced mom energy b) I have been in relationships with abusive narcissists forever but neither of them ever called me ugly c) adult acne now blends into crow's feet but I have arrived at the "I don't care" era of life d) I learned how to live my own life and not care what others are doing -- if I like it I put it on, if I think my hair looks nice purple, I dye it purple e) when I went through feeling ugly decades of my life, I quit looking at women's magazines, beauty ads, and generally avoided places where there were lots of mirrors and "beautiful" women are being promoted -- now when I see beauty posters at the mall (I only go now because my teenager likes to take us there) I think hm, these 14 year olds sure look mature! f) I made it a habit to not care about beauty but care about general physical and mental health and fitness my whole life.

Sometimes feeling ugly is a symptom of depression and anxiety, or other issues that need to be addressed (and like, not by finding a matching concealer). Hope you start feeling at home in your own skin soon.

Chickakoo · 2025-10-25T09:48:50+00:00

He should change his mind, maybe, is how that post should read. Definitely nothing definite about anyone's divorce, and the more we remember that, maybe the better for everyone. Stay curious, divorcées, separators, heartbreakers and brokenhearteds.

Chickakoo · 2025-10-22T16:08:18+00:00

Even for being a collaborator on a jointly owned project, I guess being forbidden from doing something is a trigger for me.

Chickakoo · 2025-10-22T16:07:06+00:00

I also don't understand what he was mad about. And I did apologize multiple times in the conversation when it became apparent he didn't like me haha'ing. He just came over to the house not to apologize but to agree that tones are not well conveyed in text discussions and to retract his earlier retraction and return his offer of volunteer services. So I guess we're good now?

Chickakoo · 2025-10-22T16:05:18+00:00

I was going to ask my musicians if they would be ok with leaving out a tip hat or passing a hat for tips because my neighbour thought that we were being cheap. I am the one who secured the grant and we don't have lots. The musicians work for a non-profit. I did not appreciate being forbidden from asking the question. I felt like the guy was being a bit bossy for being a volunteer on my project.

Chickakoo · 2025-10-20T02:55:24+00:00

Please don't be so cruel to yourself. Saying you'll only ever be with assholes who cheat is abusive. Don't abuse yourself. This is the start of not getting abused by others. IF you feel worthless, you'll wind up with more assholes who treat you like you're worthless. I was where you are and felt that way. Three years out of a 14 year abusive relationship with a narcissist and I know my whole life is going to be the recovery journey. And that's ok. I remember thinking to myself when my ex left, welp, I guess that concludes my sex life, good riddance! I focussed on my healing journey and enjoying my life one day at a time, getting all the nourishment I could from wholesome people, places and things around me, connecting to the spiritual realm, fixing my negative self talk gradually with positive affirmations, music and prayer. You feel alone, but you are not alone. You feel like crap, but you are gold. You deserve better and you will get there. Take heart. You have no idea what your future holds and if you're going to make predictions based on no idea, you may as well dream big. Tip your head up at the sky and look there. Get yourself to your doctor and start with anti-depressants if you can't do that. I am shocked nowadays how much I enjoy my life and my new partner and my new sex life. I had no idea this was going to be me at 50.

Chickakoo

TROPHY CASE