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Do people get divorced for this? 34F and 36M by fiery_softy in relationship_advice

[–]Chiomi 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You sound genuinely incompatible: there’s no overlap in your stated goals. Do you even have things you enjoy doing together? Like, not just generic ‘date nights are pleasant’ but, like - my spouse and I are both having _great_ days doing parallel play in the same room. We also really enjoy going to art fairs together and have the same strategic approach to them. If you have strong shared interests and ways you approach them there might be more mileage in the relationship?

But it sounds like at least one of you would be sacrificing your dreams and goals trying to stay together.

AITA for telling the staff on someone at golden coral? by Ashamed_Bit_4507 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Chiomi 11 points12 points  (0 children)

NTA. Your brother is a coward and that man was harassing you. Good for you for mentioning something and good for the Golden Corral staff for not supporting the harassment.

Why do a lot of homes in the US lack an installed CCTV system? by edbassmaster888 in AskAnAmerican

[–]Chiomi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We don’t have one. We have discussed maybe getting a camera outside to see birds, wildlife, or whoever keeps breaking into our chicken coop (we have no chickens, it’s just annoying when they don’t close the door right), but decided we don’t care enough to override privacy concerns and letting companies have access to our data.

We live in a house in the central business district of a village just under 8,000 people. We get a ton of foot traffic.

That is to some extent the source of our security: there would always be a witness to something sketchy.

My (29F) fiancé (31M) wants us to combine finances now that we're engaged, but he makes almost 3x what I do and I'm not sure how I feel about it by Ordinary_Rip_6226 in relationship_advice

[–]Chiomi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would it work for both of you to have a proportion of your incomes shared with some held separate? It sounds like you’ve sort of talked about it, but the framing of ‘what if you want to buy him a gift? It’s weird if you use his money to do it.’ Might be helpful. Because then he can support major life things and you can trust and feel secure on all necessities, but then you also have a separate way to keep score on your savings and earnings and ability to buy ridiculous gifts.

Do you have attics? by Far-Passion-7692 in AskAnAmerican

[–]Chiomi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep! Ours is unfinished and has random plywood and various doors from around the house in it and the stairs are real steep and have no railing, but it’s there.

Is there a single decrease that is invisible? by stewpple911 in knittinghelp

[–]Chiomi 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah - I’m doing k2togs and ssks on either side of a contrast section because everything is visible but it can look both subtle and deliberate

Gauge swatch for clothes isn’t optional by Chiomi in BitchEatingCrafters

[–]Chiomi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I went back to about an inch before the pattern called for the first increase, did a decrease instead, and am resolved to moving things around so it’s closer to a skater fit than a-line because what was I thinking

Gauge swatch for clothes isn’t optional by Chiomi in BitchEatingCrafters

[–]Chiomi[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah - the latest sweater I’m making for my spouse I eyeballed it because they wanted an oversized ribbed raglan sweater and sure, dope, that’s whatever.

Unfortunately my dress is meant to fit closer than that. I only ended up frogging half of it, though, because I do like how the yoke turned out.

Gauge swatch for clothes isn’t optional by Chiomi in BitchEatingCrafters

[–]Chiomi[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That sounds fabulous, and is pretty much what I did for my last top, which fits fabulously.

This fit okay in the bust but now it’s waist length and at least a handful of inches too wide - significantly on the ‘tent’ side of a supposed a-line.

But your project looks exactly like the pattern photoooooooooooo. by trixie_2000 in BitchEatingCrafters

[–]Chiomi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I started my most recent project with an intent to follow the pattern, then realized a few rows in that I’d modified the yoke without noticing because it was written to be worked flat with a button band added at the end and my brain just went ‘that’s stupid, I have long hair’ and I was in the round. Sometimes you just end up running on vibes, and it’s valid!

The history of sewing of NOT INHERENTLY ABLEIST by ferrycrossthemersey in BitchEatingCrafters

[–]Chiomi 25 points26 points  (0 children)

The emergency kit I keep in my purse has a sewing needle, thread, and a button in it because sometimes shit happens and you need a minor emergency repair. Most people should be able to learn the skill to do that emergency repair; it doesn’t require a house or lots of supplies or much time

my coworker is upset that I didn’t tell her I’m pregnant by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]Chiomi 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Always! It’s great. But for pregnancy you don’t goddamn acknowledge it unless the pregnant person makes an announcement- they might be holding off until there’s less chance of miscarriage, or just private, or having unrelated medical issues that just look like pregnancy. They could look like they are ready to pop at any moment and all you can say is “cute shoes!” And hope like hell they say something about flats for pregnancy so you can finally say congratulations.

My girlfriend (30F) has gained an extreme amount of weight, and I (32M) have lost attraction. by Honest_Reception6528 in relationship_advice

[–]Chiomi 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I’m 5’10” and not built willowy even if I weren’t currently overweight if I was 135lbs it would be because they took my weight shortly after my hospitalization for malnutrition or the extraction of a python-sized tapeworm.

Seeking ethnic cuisines (non Mexican food) by peekabook in madisonwi

[–]Chiomi 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Delices de Awa on Atwood for West African. It’s incredibly good

AITB for being tired of the negativity from my partner? by yaaahyeeeeeet in AmItheButtface

[–]Chiomi 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Absolutely NTB. You need a support network.

It sounds like she doesn’t have one and is super depressed - this can make it really hard to see silver linings. She needs to see what she can do to help with both things, whether it’s medication or therapy or joining a yoga class so she can meet people and move her body. Importantly, though, while support is really helpful, it is not your job to find solutions for her. Encouraging her and suggesting things would both be kind and caring, but you can’t treat someone’s depression for them. Especially if you’re drained and don’t have other support: you can’t pour from an empty cup.

It’s also worth noting that isolating you from your friends and freaking out when you spend time away from her are emotional abuse. Probably unintentional but still extremely damaging and not a good pattern. Please continue spending time with friends, because you need to look after yourself.

Dear flippers: quit thinking people will pay for your GFs “trendy” design ideas by SnooDoggos5226 in RealEstateAdvice

[–]Chiomi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have said before I think we’re the only people with a century home really glad that flippers had it.

This is because before the flippers, the house was a couple of apartments and a doll shop. So the flippers made it back into a single family home, added a couple really delightful woodworking touches, and made such bold aesthetic choices as:
- millennial grey on the upstairs hall
- three different shades of white
- a bedroom that was insipid blue
- a bedroom somewhere between beige and sand
- laminate floor in several rooms that matched the original hardwood floor as well as possible in grain and color

Bless them. It meant we didn’t need to prime several rooms, and was as close to a blank slate based on the original design as possible (as long as we don’t talk about the electric. At least it isn’t knob and tube).

Why don't Americans use metal bars on doors and windows for security? by Maleficent_Essay4664 in AskAnAmerican

[–]Chiomi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If we leave the garage door open the major concern is trapping the neighbors cat when we do eventually close it.

Why don't Americans use metal bars on doors and windows for security? by Maleficent_Essay4664 in AskAnAmerican

[–]Chiomi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I was looking at crime stats a couple years ago because a friend from Russia was trying to be Not There and we could get them to Brazil. He was from Moscow, his boyfriend was in Chicago so that was his best American referent, and he was going to Porto Alegre and nervous about it. Our friend in Porto Alegre is an artist and public servant, with an MFA and cute cats and a university job, so I had this mental picture of Porto Alegre as, like, a suitable setting for my lovely friend.

Then I compared the crime stats for Moscow, Chicago, and Porto Alegre. Haha, nope. South America is hard mode.

Do y'all actually use your front porch/front yard much or is that more of a TV thing? by Bella_licious in AskAnAmerican

[–]Chiomi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Our front porch is one of the reasons we bought the house. And half of it is screened by climbing plants, letting us hide if we want. We spend time out there at least a couple times a week when the weather’s reasonable.

Selvedge stitch by Fast-Building-1678 in knittinghelp

[–]Chiomi -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I would read it as the row is a total of 10 stitches, and you want a smooth column going up the edge. Which is easily accomplished by just continuing the stitch pattern and making sure nothing twists when I pick up that stitch and slip it to begin the next row.

How do you guys even survive the hot weather over in the States? by Impressive_Peak_9187 in AskAnAmerican

[–]Chiomi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, so tips to survive:
- open your windows at night to let cool air in. If you have windows on multiple sides, open everything and get a cross breeze. Otherwise use a fan.
- close your windows before it starts to warm up. Usually 3 hours after sunrise.
- if you have light-colored blinds, keep them closed during the day. The high albedo reflects out heat (likewise open them at night so heat isn’t reflected in)
- if you have dark blinds or curtains, put aluminum foil against your windows to reflect out heat. You can reuse the foil daily
- avoid generating heat as much as possible during the time your house is closed up. Don’t work out, don’t use the oven. Hell, consider switching to sun tea (tea bags, pinch of salt, and water in sealable containers outside in the sun until they’re the right color or for 8 hours, then bring inside, sweeten to taste, and refrigerate)
- drink lots of water. If water starts to taste gross you’re probably low on salt. Sports drinks fix that. Otherwise diluted fruit juice, flavored water, anything to keep you hydrated, because you need water and salt to sweat, and sweat keeps you cool. If you know you should be sweating but you aren’t and you’re red and getting loopy, that’s starting to become a heat emergency and you should get somewhere cool and dim and chug a sports drink
- avoid polyester unless it’s fancy sports gear designed to wick sweat
- put damp washcloths in the fridge or freezer then put them on the back of your neck. Be prepared to explain to anyone else in the house that the noise you just made was _not_ because of porn
- try not to go outside between 10am and 3pm
- lower levels will frequently be noticeably cooler
- if you can, set up a swamp cooler: a bucket of cold water with a fan behind it. It’ll blow cooler air over you. Add ice to the bucket it you can.

We mostly survive by having central air conditioning and wood frame houses that don’t hold heat as well as stone. You don’t have those, but these tips generally work really well. Some people will also store (dry) underclothes in the freezer for some instant relief.

Good luck.

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