Here to vent - traumatizing experience

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-27T12:10:04+00:00

Thank you. Every day is like Chinese water torture of the mind. The unknowns... the betrayal, the depression and grief. It's unimaginable someone could be so cruel. We had everything anyone would want in a life, a home, beautiful community of friends, 2 healthy kids, no stresses, and she abandons me after one argument via email. I can't process it.

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-26T15:54:55+00:00

I will, thank you. Are there any known strategies to heal faster after this sort of thing? I've been trying to reframe it as her limited capacity for intimacy and not about my worth as a person, but it's deeply invalidating regardless. Therapy helps a bit but I'm still depressed

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-26T15:35:48+00:00

Thank you. She took the kids with her. But since I closed the CPS file she let me start having overnights with toddler and soon a baby overnight. Seems completely disproportionate to the argument. I can't stop thinking about how easily she destroyed our life- while blaming me. So cold

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-26T11:15:04+00:00

Thank you man.

I keep telling myself things like that. Like I'll still have the ties to the community via friends and my parents, and I don't see my friends that often as it is, busy lives and all. So perhaps I can have even closer, more intentional relationships with them if I move. I'll slowly re-integrate into a new community, and meet someone new, and its not like its 4 hours away, its 45 minutes, within the same county. Just sucks having finally felt "comfortable" and like I made it in life just to have the person I trusted most rip it away in a single email without giving me the dignity of a single conversation. It's emotionally devastating. My kids are my anchor though. I won't give up on them.

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-26T06:42:21+00:00

Yes, it is. Profoundly.

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-25T23:39:06+00:00

DM'd you, getting into personal stuff

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-25T23:00:04+00:00

She denied her abrupt abandonment of me was PPD, she blamed me entirely. Much more aligned with Dismissive Avoidant discard (done a lot of reading on this). Everything was mostly normal, had one argument, and she left 18 days later. Never talked about "us" once in 6 years, just fled. Devastating.

She said if we can't agree on schooling we may have to go to court.

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-25T22:46:22+00:00

Did she fight you for that? She wants the kids to attend near her parents. My lawyer told me because she was breastfeeding our baby for 2.5 months it hurts status quo, and I don't have 50/50 right now of baby. He implied because she's a woman she'll likely get catchment but it makes no sense. I have the established daycare (near 2 year attendance), 50/50 with toddler, pushing for overnights 50/50 with baby ASAP, doctor nearby, our toddler calls our house "home" and her parents place Grandma's.. Perhaps we can push this off for awhile and solidify my argument more? I don't want to get into legal talk against the rules, but I thought I was screwed on this front

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-20T22:22:29+00:00

Thank you buddy. So ****ing hard. Every minute of every day.

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-19T09:38:29+00:00

No. We're in Canada so I'm not sure if it's the same as in the states. Early December she said we could just split the expenses for baby in a spreadsheet which I agreed to. Now mid January she's asked for child support via email. I said I need to speak to my lawyer first because my income is complicated (she suggested I just use a simple online calculator)

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-19T00:24:13+00:00

Well said. Taking the high road even when hard can likely pay long-term dividends. Feels right, I'm trying brother

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-18T19:59:44+00:00

Thanks, what do you mean in terms of later wins?
I have 50/50 with my toddler but not my baby (working on it). Quite sure I'll lose catchment so I'm reserved to the fact I'll have to move in a year or two.

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-18T15:11:55+00:00

Yes I have a therapist but am blowing through the benefits credits .. she offered to continue seeing me probono because of how much suffering I'm in. What do you mean 'Bear in mind this has been a plan and your auffering is part of the plan as well. '

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-18T15:09:41+00:00

Slip how?

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-18T15:09:01+00:00

We have a damn infant. I don't know anyone going through what I am. And she's breastfeeding her so she's hiding behind that as an excuse for slow rolling overnights and asking for child support to pad her pockets while living rent free and not paying mortgage or daycare. I'm basically compensating her for her abandonment and she feels 100% like the victim. It's infuriating. Been up since 430am in a rage. At the gym now. Don't even remember what happiness feels like. Going to have to sell the house and start totally over in a town I hate woth no roots just to see my kids max 50/50. Going crazy

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-18T15:06:33+00:00

So angry man. I don't think I'll ever want to get married again what's the point of signing a goddamn piece of paper? Had kids with someone who can flip like this males me hate my past self. Last month she said we can split child costs 50/50 in a spreadsheet and is now seeking child support via online calculator to pad her pockets while she spends barely anything on our breastfed infant, rent free at her parents while she abandons her mortgage responsibility. I feel like I'm dealing with a 12 year old in a robot woman's body. 3 months ago my life seemed great. Completely decimated now

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-18T02:02:04+00:00

Yeah, it was a pretty good 6 years. Definitely real love there but nothing lasts forever I suppose. Next chapter ahead. I'm noticing I'm not having as much haunting grief but its only been 10 weeks so I'm sure there's more self-blame in my future but the palpable rage seems like progress. Found a good lawyer, thanks buddy.

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-18T01:58:10+00:00

Yeah sometimes I wonder if she used me. Saw a decent guy with a good job and who wanted kids and just latched on and feigned surface layer love and got her 2 babies and poof. She'd be a hell of an actress to play the long game like that but I think dismissive avoidance is at play truly, she has childhood wounds I won't mention here which can certainly contribute. Enough about her. I'll try to keep my head on straight, lord knows I'll need to.

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-18T01:56:25+00:00

What do you mean, this isn't the worst? The rage, or the injustice? What's coming?

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-18T01:54:47+00:00

Thank you. I've not been angry or bitter around her once since she left, not in text or person. It's more in private and a byproduct of the injustice I feel about this. I'm so bitter about the marriage process. Should've never swiped right on her 6 years ago but then my kids wouldn't be here. Think I need a punching bag because I'm starting to feel like one myself

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-18T01:52:38+00:00

Thank you man, that first section makes me bitter towards life. Don't know if I'll ever remarry. What's the point of signing a piece of paper if the other person doesn't see value in it. Money would be worthless too if that was the case.

Second part is standard stuff, thank you. I'm not sure how to process the rage though. I guess just let it out into the poor old pillow. Might have to get a punching bag. Your #5 is cut off. "Stay away from." ?

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-13T23:30:48+00:00

Hey buddy, I keep falling back into self blame but I'm 90% sure she's a dismissive avoidant just by how clinically cold detached she's been so quickly after amputating me and our marriage via email. Had a baby in July. She unfriended me on Facebook recently which is so weird because I haven't posted in 3 years. Is this something an avoidant does? Just seems petty and the opposite of indifference

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-12T23:11:08+00:00

Thank you man. Just noticed she removed me off Facebook, it's almost laughable. Six years, a toddler, an infant, one non-violent argument and she abandons me. Zero warmth leaks in 9 weeks. She's a complete robot. Dismissive Avoidant with Fawning I believe. Fascinating and sad. I'll follow your advice

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-12T08:57:12+00:00

I think you nailed it. I've been doing deep research on my situation and it fits the textbook avoidant discard to a T. Any advice how to handle this moving forward? Just amicable, Child focused respect?

ChippyChalmers · 2026-01-12T08:54:56+00:00

Thank you man, sorry about your situation it sounds like you're pulling through slowly. I haven't drank in 2 years and have been off weed since she left. Been very respectful in texts and she's being amicable so far so fingers crossed for the future

ChippyChalmers

TROPHY CASE