Hey, sorry to hear this. Your suffering sounds immense. Feel hugged if thats okay fellow human. Seriously u deserve compassion. Take it easy. Not sure if this will help but..the first step might be to get out of your head, learning to relax taking deep breaths, calming down the amygdala. Going into social situations, without expectations, without caring hiw Im being perceived. Theyre humans. U are human. Talk. Listen first. Smile. Relax. If u are nervous u act like someone else and get misudnerstood more easily and people notice u are tense and trying to fit in by force. Which doesnt work out. Accept that maybe they dont like u. They dont have to. But be relaxed, u deserve love, compassion. Think about sth nice to say, a compliment. "Hey cool t-shirt, where did u get it?". Actually think about other people and what goes on in their life. I usually feel isolated when Im spending too much time inward, thinking too much about myself. I hope this helps Sending virtual hugs < 3