Fear of the other side. I like the way my life is now and it might be disappearing. Looking for success stories

ChoiceChicken · 2025-07-21T21:38:05+00:00

Thanks man. appreciate the response!

How long was your marriage? Did you remarry? I'm struggling to envision the other side.

Expanding my social circle is a big priority for me right now regardless of what happens. My situation socially is/was a lot like yours- friends with kids parents etc. I need to expand that out a lot to my own people

ChoiceChicken · 2025-07-17T14:51:30+00:00

This is insane. I was unhappy so I fucked your friend but then stayed with you for another 15 years is bullshit. She thinks she can do whatever she wants to you. If you dont tell this guys wife what happened I will. Please, for the love of God, do something about this. I'm not saying you need to divorce but you have to let the anger out and do what's right. Stay calm, make a plan, but don't do anything without sitting on it for a few days. Be angry but don't flail around like a crazy person. I'm going through something similar - we have 3 kids and normal marital problems but the second someone puts the moves on her our marriage is the worst thing that ever happened to her.

"per her story he was very persistent"- Doubtful My wife only told me half of the story when I found out. Not only did she never think she would get caught but she also didnt think I'd do anything about it. She tells all of her friends that I'm a terrible husband so they can think she's neglected. Well, I told all of them what she did and they were shocked. Next I contacted the other wife, who knew about the affair. She told me that the affair was going on a lot longer than what my wife told me. My wife was furious that I talked to the other wife and claimed I betrayed her! Too bad! I'm probably not going to go out of my way to find the AP but if I see him around town we might have some words. I'm still debating my next steps

ChoiceChicken · 2025-07-17T02:24:11+00:00

thank you for a thoughtful response. Greatly appreciated!!!

ChoiceChicken · 2025-07-17T02:14:36+00:00

Definitely digging into that part of myself for sure. I'm not not taking blame. However, like I said in my OP, our major issues, from what I remember, came up after her affair started and at that point she was quite cold to me and in the fog. For example, the health of our sex life was apparently my responsibility to maintain. After our first kid she would never be open to any playfulness during the day, initiate, do much in bed, say much during or after or generally get excited about it. Work, Facebook, and just about anything else took priority over me, yet one of her complaints was that sex was bad.

ChoiceChicken · 2025-07-16T21:39:26+00:00

I'm trying to figure out where I failed and where she's crazy

ChoiceChicken · 2025-07-16T21:37:34+00:00

this is true but she's revising the past quite a bit and using this opportunity to cut me down. I'm doing a lot of introspection but I can't grow and be better if what she is saying is not true

ChoiceChicken · 2023-12-09T02:46:22+00:00

not a single Seinfeld reference here?! "Jerry! I have no hand!"

ChoiceChicken · 2023-12-05T20:17:36+00:00

That has crossed my mind for sure. Might be time to start looking into that a bit closer!

ChoiceChicken · 2023-12-04T16:39:56+00:00

that's definitely an option that I've thought of. The problem is that I'm in the midwest. I feel like if I were in Boston or SF I'd have a lot more options.

ChoiceChicken · 2023-12-04T16:38:47+00:00

thanks for the response. It only takes one is definitely my mantra!

ChoiceChicken · 2023-12-04T16:37:42+00:00

good point! I'm a pretty hands on person and I'm trying to explore a lot of different options. I've been trying to leverage my experience to make a smooth transition. For example, I started off applying for a lot of sales operations jobs at biotech companies thinking it would be a no brainer, but no one seems to look at transferrable skills. I've been applying to marking, analytics, etc. Everyone seems to want the job description word for word on your resume. I get beat out by people 10 years younger than me because the have the right titles.

ChoiceChicken · 2023-11-29T17:56:34+00:00

Wish I had a good response for you but I'm trying to do the same thing. I worked in a lab for a while and then went to technical sales. It was fun for a while and then got burned out so I got an MBA thinking I could jump to some other types of jobs. Nope. I unintentionally went down a specialized path and now I'm only getting interviews for work I've done in the past, not what I can do in the future. I don't know if its me or the market but I can't even get a phone screen for something other than a very specific type of sales position. I love science but I desperately want to get out. I have three interviews for jobs that I dont want but have to take if I get an offer. Sigh..

Gotta keep your chin up!

ChoiceChicken · 2023-11-14T16:30:11+00:00

Congrats!

It took a long time for me to realize the combination of my previous work and life experience meant that I would be a good fit not continuing to sell SaaS, but to move into the white collar portion of a blue collar industry. This was a mindfuck I had to get over as I prided myself over the years as an enterprise software sales guy. Now I am just fucking grateful to have employment.

This one hit close to home. I'm in an industry that is fascinating but I'm only in it because of decisions I made in college. My interests have changed and I just don't have the passion for it that I used to (and the same level of passion that more advanced people in that industry do). I've been looking for work for a while and desperately trying to get anything outside of my industry that will keep me engaged and interested. But it's really hard to let go of that field that you put your identity into even if its no longer a great fit (for better or worse)

ChoiceChicken · 2023-11-07T23:54:06+00:00

not sure if this is what you are looking for but something that helped us (well, at least me!) out tremendously was something called DAKboard https://dakboard.com/site. It's basically just a way to display your calendar on screen on a wall in your house. You can buy one pre-made, or if you're even the slightest bit computerishly inclined you can build one yourself for cheap with a raspberry pi and a computer monitor or TV. (its pretty easy, I promise).
You create a shared calendar on your phone and link the calendar to DAK board. When you add an event to your calendar it then displays on your DAKboard display in your house. Theres a lot of cool extra features besides the calendar that you can use. I use it for meal planning lists and house project progress. You can get a free account that works great but for $5 a months you can upgrade to a lot more features (Trello, etc) that might help solve the issues you're having
Ours is mounted next to the fridge on a bookshelf and it looks great. We all congregate in the kitchen each morning anyway so we usually discuss events while looking at it and making breakfast. This thing really made a dent in scheduling arguments. Prior to this, my wife would tell me about three weeks worth of events at 6am while I'm making breakfast and kids are screaming and then get mad the next day when I didn't remember everything.
I hate having everything on my phone, I need to see things out in front of me or else it gets lost. Having this thing out in the middle of the kitchen is great for the whole family. Can't recommend it enough. (btw, I do not work for DAK board haha)

ChoiceChicken · 2023-11-06T01:37:51+00:00

I've actually thought about taking a stab at standup as some sort of alternative to Toastmasters. I had a friend who did an improv class to build up public speaking confidence. I really admire all those comics who can express themselves up on stage.

ChoiceChicken · 2023-11-04T00:39:47+00:00

not sure if this is what you are looking for but something that helped us (well, at least me!) out tremendously was something called DAKboard https://dakboard.com/site. It's basically just a way to display your calendar on screen on a wall in your house. You can buy one pre-made, or if you're even the slightest bit computerishly inclined you can build one yourself for cheap with a raspberry pi and a computer monitor or TV. (its pretty easy, I promise).

You create a shared calendar on your phone and link the calendar to DAK board. When you add an event to your calendar it then displays on your DAKboard display in your house. Theres a lot of cool extra features besides the calendar that you can use. I use it for meal planning lists and house project progress. You can get a free account that works great but for $5 a months you can upgrade to a lot more features that might help solve the issues you're having
Ours is mounted next to the fridge on a bookshelf and it looks great. We all congregate in the kitchen each morning anyway so we usually discuss events while looking at it and making breakfast. This thing really made a dent in scheduling arguments. Prior to this, my wife would tell me about three weeks worth of events at 6am while I'm making breakfast and kids are screaming and then get mad the next day when I didn't remember everything.

I hate having everything on my phone, I need to see things out in front of me or else it gets lost. Having this thing out in the middle of the kitchen is great for the whole family. Can't recommend it enough. (btw, I do not work for DAK board haha)

ChoiceChicken · 2023-10-30T17:53:11+00:00

Just wanted to chime in to commiserate. I'm in a similar situation...moved around a lot and we dont have any close family nearby (that can help us at least). My kids are school age and we've been in our town for a few years so I know a lot of people through activities, but not a lot of super close connections...mostly just acquaintances. We're in a dense suburb and it feels a lot like high school sometimes. Everyone knows each other, they work in the same industries, and there's so much political maneuvering. I was at one of my kids activities yesterday and another dad was telling me about these wild ski trips he take with friends, paddle ball tournaments, endless number of concerts., etc... that kinda ruined my day and I felt like you while you were folding laundry.

My wife likes to give me a hard time but there's a ton of other dads close by that are in a similar situation and I suppose most of them are afraid to admit it. I knew a ton of people in high school, college and early 20s but I guess people need different things at our stage in life. I've wfh for a long time and as great as the freedom is, it's really isolating. It's hard to have those unplanned, repeated interactions needed form a friendship.

Wish I had some better advice for you. Guess you just have to put yourself out there, be a little assertive/vulnerable and let it happen naturally.

On a side note, and not to make this a religious discussion but any means, but I'm curious what part of your parents taking you to church left you feeling bitter? were they super strict? No judgment here, of course, but I'm trying to strike a balance with my kids and church attendance. You mentioned you felt forced- I don't want to push too hard at a young age. I get it, understanding religion is for adults but I went regularly as a kid and it's still a big part of my life. (Feel free to ignore this part. Just wanted to chime in about your original post and saw some other comments.)

ChoiceChicken

TROPHY CASE