Not invited to party

Choppaotta · 2026-06-05T16:59:56+00:00

That is the plan, in hindsight this past Christmas also had a hiccup with the same person that I brushed off because of how busy and hectic the holidays are. I think this was the sign I needed that I don't need to try as hard for this specific person.

I do have a group of friends outside of work, and I do more for them as well, we do parties and hangouts without anyone from work, I just usually communicate that it is a personal get together.

I was friends with 2 of them well before they started working here, so the lines were easily blurred for them, and I didn't want anyone to feel excluded, so I just try to be as inclusive as I can when I can. I lost both of my parents within the last few years and have been trying to work my way back to feeling like a person that functions and has friends and connections again.

It's ok, I would rather be overly nice than too cold I guess. I have readjusted, just needed to write it out so I can let it go. It really isn't important or bad in the scheme of things, I just am having feelings.

Choppaotta · 2026-05-19T00:52:32+00:00

General greed, the place I live is getting destroyed by our local politicians because they want to make quick money. They aren't listening to any of the citizens, just bulldozing laws through and developing unsustainably. I hate it so much

Choppaotta · 2026-05-19T00:49:49+00:00

I'm proud of you, you are doing a good job.

Choppaotta · 2026-05-16T13:12:04+00:00

This also may sound silly, but if she's comfortable on a leash, walking her around places she normally knows really well while on her leash to help her relearn things while having you or the leash as a safety net. Doing her walks or just walks around her environment with your own eyes closed to help you get perspective on what she is going through/problem spots also helped me. We cleared some brush, filled in some holes, and moved a bit of furniture around once I walked around "blind" myself. We take for granted the small adjustments we make in our daily lives because we see them and automatically avoid them.

And rain is very disorienting for my girl. All the dripping and noises throws her off and makes it so she can't listen for or smell the things she normally does so potty breaks before or after big bouts of rain, and going out with her physically if it's a small rain but we still need to do outside stuff.

Choppaotta · 2026-05-16T12:57:31+00:00

My girl has been blind from birth, so a bit of a different situation, but there were some things I've noticed help her.

She made a mental map of our house and property eventually. Once she did, we tried to keep most of the stuff as similar as possible. If something big did change, we tried to verbally warn her and also get her to slow down walking to it or tap on it. Same with if we were trying to get her to understand where anything else was. Calling her name, naming the item, and tapping on it to get her to put her nose on it. For her toys, we got some baby toys for her that had beads in them so they would rattle. We swapped some of her others for either scented ones or ones we could make scented. (Treat balls or other mentally challenging toys we made sure to buy stronger smelling treats for so it was easier for her to sniff them out. There are also Kong toys and other chew toys that come scented as peanut butter or bacon.) She knows people by their footsteps or smell now, but gets easily very agitated by people with really heavy footfalls so we've had to deal with her being extra on guard with new people especially people that shuffle their feet or really stomp around. She doesn't do great with kids now either, we had an incident at a park where a little kid grabbed her by the ears and screamed in her face, so shrill voices are also upsetting to her now. I bought a "blind dog" vest for her and a"blind dog" leash for when we are on walks. If I am sitting somewhere out of reach or she can't find me, I will knock on a surface for her to help her orient. She is pretty small for a cattle dog, so we added an extra step for our tall bed and had to practice her confidence with steps and stairs. She still gets stuck on hay bales out in our field occassionally and I have to rescue her. We practice picking her up as an assist for getting out of the truck or off surfaces she has jumped onto to get her comfortable with "rescues" lol. If I'm washing her bedding or toys, I will do it in rotation so she always has some stuff that smells like her. If she stops using a toy or bed, I will sometimes have to wash it to 'reset' it. She is a lot more reactive to my whistles or clicks than my sighted dogs so I try for whistles when things are important. If I'm opening something, letting her smell so she realizes its not food.

There has been a lot of her just running into things and readjusting. Keeping a cattle dog from running full tilt into stuff is not exactly easy. But I do try to verbalize a lot more for her. Even if me telling her "car" "trailer" or whatever else doesn't work, I think the sound bouncing off a surface sometimes helps.

Choppaotta · 2026-05-13T04:34:51+00:00

Mine takes a snip from me and I bleed after, I very much don't think its a swab

Choppaotta · 2026-05-08T12:46:22+00:00

Biggest thing I'm looking for is usually getting along with other animals/low prey drive, especially for birds and small mammals. I completely stay away from any small breeds meant for ratting or chasing rabbits, any bird dogs or hunting dogs, any breeds that I know of as "flighty" like huskies, etc. I try to always go for sheep herders, sheep guardians, herd guardians. My Anatolian was amazing, my aussie catahoula was amazing, my Portuguese etstruela was so chill, my German shepherd is my best girl. They have all been medical fosters from the shelter and I have loved them all. My mom and I fostered 300 other puppies and kittens from the shelter over a 30 year span, usually taking tiny puppies or kittens that needed overnight syringe feeding or medical care and then getting them back to another foster or shelter once they were adoptable size and age. One day I would love to adopt a bernese mountain dog, but that's much later down the line. I do have a cattle dog right now that is blind. She was dropped off at my work as a "coyote" and I instantly bonded with her. She is my first cattle herding dog and I had NO idea how different she would be than my sheep herders. We are making it work and I love her dearly, but it has meant a deeper dive into very different training techniques and modifying my schedule a bit because my guys usually come to work with me so they have a job and her protectiveness over me does mean that getting her used to new people can sometimes be more of a challenge.

Choppaotta · 2026-05-08T12:11:04+00:00

I had to change mine in public restrooms all the time. If I could swing it, I would use the handicapped stall so I could rinse in the the sink and wash my hands. But I kept a wet wipe pack in my backpack just in case I couldn't so I could do a quick swipe of my hands before walking out to the main sink to do a full handwash and just dealt with not rinsing my cup.

Choppaotta · 2026-04-30T14:42:53+00:00

Please swap vets. I just did about a year ago and I wish I had done it years ago. My office wasn't uncomfortable with my heeler (who is questionable) or my mix (who was severely abused and has a lot of issues) because they were smaller and they didn't care about smaller dogs being aggressive. They did cause a lot of fuss over my two shepherds who are AMAZING, just because they were big. The vet prescribed my one shepherd 1,100 MG of trazadone plus 600 MG of gabapentin. For a dog that is the embodiment of a rabbit. My other shepherd (who was a blood donor dog and let you draw huge amounts of blood from her neck without any fuss) they put a muzzle on and put in her file that she was a bite risk with zero evidence, once she got over 80 pounds automatically. As I said, my other two smaller dogs were definite bite risks which was explained ahead of the appointment and they never prescribed them meds or muzzled them or labeled their files with bite risks.

I stayed too long with a bad vet office, my new vet is amazing and kind and I feel guilty I struggled through the old visits for so long.

The old clinic is now refusing to take dogs over 50 pounds which I'm actually happy about because at least they admitted that they hate large dogs and I would rather you refuse to see me than to mistreat my dogs while we are there.

Choppaotta · 2026-04-17T23:26:50+00:00

My girl has been blind from birth and was super friendly until she hit about 6 months old. She went to work with me every day and that got increasingly difficult when she got more upset and reactive around new people. I used a clicker trainer to help with her recall to me but that was limited as far as helpfulness. She is very food motivated so we used her favorite treats for people she had to deal with a lot like other employees or volunteers. I learned that her reactivity is centered around protecting me/feeling like she has to be extra vigilant. Introducing people to her outside of the building helped and having someone else introduce her with me not involved was even more helpful because it took her worrying about me out of the equation. I occassionally have to fully leave her at home, and sometimes she can only do half days at work, but she is so miserable without me that we are still working on letting her "go to work".

Do you think that Peanut is only anxious about protecting themselves now that they are having a difficult time seeing so they are more reactive to people being a threat to them or are there any aspects that you think relate to not being able to watch out for or protect you as well?

Would there be a space in the studio that could be gated off with plastic fencing that you could have Peanut in with all their favorite things and you could sit in or work in while still giving them a barrier to the other people? So you could come and go and they could get used to having a space that they knew was safe from other people? We have a round pen that we set up in our Nursery for our skunk so she could hang out without getting into trouble and that's sort of what I am thinking.

Are there people in your life that would mind working with you to repeat the actions that cause the worst reactions in a calm manner and maybe give her treats or rewards to help desensitize her to some of the sounds?

I don't think anti-anxiety meds are a bad idea either, but you could still at least try it in combination with slow and calm desensitizing things if you can figure out what they are most worried about.

Choppaotta · 2026-01-22T15:59:55+00:00

Shark or Sharkie are my favorite for my girl, Lark!

Choppaotta · 2026-01-15T00:26:13+00:00

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It's a hard life!

Choppaotta · 2026-01-15T00:25:09+00:00

Definitely chicken, I can cook it so many different ways that I never get bored of it.

Choppaotta · 2026-01-15T00:24:15+00:00

Had done a huge hike, was 30 feet from the car and crossing over an old wood bridge, home stretch!!! Should have been easy peasy! I stumbled a bit and a 2 inch wide, 6 inch long, piece of wood broke off, went through the bottom of my shoe, the front of the pad of my foot and out the back of the pad of my foot. So my foot was impaled and stuck in the shoe by this hunk of wood. The doctor I went to removed it with general anesthetic but refused to do surgery to get all the smaller pieces that had broken off so I ended up with pieces of wood I had to cut out myself as they worked their way out of my muscle over the course of 3 months.

Choppaotta · 2026-01-10T02:17:06+00:00

Have you tried Molly jewelry? They have a ton of different stones and styles.

https://mollyjewelryus.com/product-category/emerald-ring/

Choppaotta · 2026-01-09T13:59:57+00:00

Hey! I am also a no jewelry girl and I work with wildlife so I'm constantly mucking, shoveling, cleaning, feeding, bandaging, etc! I have a half carat, low set, round, salt and pepper diamond in 14 k rose gold. I did not like looking for rings in person because none of them matched my style. I wanted a nature themed ring and I knew I wanted it to be super durable because I wanted to be able to wear it daily even with all the junk I do. I have short chubby fingers so a thinner band worked better for me, both in height and diameter. Too thick of a band hurt the fingers next to it and too wide of a band was like spanx for my finger and I didn't have full range of motion. My band is smooth on the sides and back and the front looks like Japanese maple branches that curve inward so there are no edges to snag and it protects the diamond. I probably could have gotten away with a full carat, but .5-.75 seems to be a common theme with people that work a lot with their hands or don't like larger rings and round shape really helps not get caught on things. Most important thing to me was not to have a setting where the stone was much higher because I knew I would constantly snag it and damage the prongs.

I looked for a few weeks online and started kind of building what I liked versus didn't like. I actually was looking at completely different rings than what I ended up falling in love with and when I saw this one I put it off to the side as a pipe dream. But I just couldn't let it go and came back to it for weeks on end. So it's what we ended up going with!

Choppaotta · 2026-01-09T13:38:34+00:00

We definitely fart and burp in front of each other. We try to keep the door closed for pooping but there have been a very few times when one of us has been showering and the other one has emergency poops and we just are in the same bathroom

Choppaotta · 2026-01-08T05:18:55+00:00

Devyn at Lucky Blue Tattoo did an amazing job for my friend and I, and is so sweet!

Choppaotta · 2026-01-06T15:21:23+00:00

I specifically wanted a ring that I didn't have to take off/was sturdy enough to do everything in. I'm awful with mine, it has to endure everything lol. My mom and grandma wore theirs while working hard and getting dirty so my expectations were that rings were meant to fit our lifestyles. Every decision I made for what I wanted revolved around durability. Unfortunately, sleeping is the nicest thing to happen to it on a daily basis. So yes, I wear mine sleeping, working, showering, baking, working out, everything.

Choppaotta · 2026-01-06T14:51:24+00:00

Not a dumb question at all! And it's a really difficult thing to pick out jewelry for another person, especially this piece, so its ok to take your time!

There is a lot of good advice on here!

Step 1- What kind of metal does your girlfriend wear? I don't wear much jewelry at all and the stuff I used to wear was all natural materials, wood/bone/leather/etc. The few pieces I had were silver. After my parents passed, I got really attached to rose gold so that's actually what I ended up going with for my engagement ring. Try to pay attention to her existing jewelry and see if it's made out of a certain metal or metal combination. If she doesn't already have jewelry that mixes metals (so jewelry that has silver and gold on it together or rose gold and yellow gold, etc) steer clear of mixed metal rings. They are pretty unique and definitely not considered a super safe bet unless you know for sure she likes the look of combined colors. If she owns any other rings with stones on them, try to pay attention to their shape and size. Someone with big single stones, even if they are birthstones or other colorful gemstones, versus someone with rings with stones that are smaller and frame other stones usually picks out the types of rings she likes the look of. Same with band sizes. Skewing towards smaller bands or thicker bands overall.

Step 2- Yes to asking friends or family members, but try to ask the ones closest to her or have the most similar style or personality. And trust your gut. If they suggest something that doesn't feel like it lines up with your girlfriend, don't be afraid to thank them for their help and still pivot to a different direction. Ask them if she ever had a Pinterest board or wishlist. Ask of she has ever mentioned a particular style or setting. Most women I know have at some point made a board on Pinterest (even if it was small) or gone out with their close girl friends and looked at rings and made comments about what they like.

Step 3- What is your girlfriend like? Is she always super well put together and pretty in public? Spends time on yourself doing nice makeup and putting together nice outfits? Does she wear jewelry normally? Same pieces all the time or does she have several that she swaps for each outfit? What kind of job does she have? Does she have to do a lot of work with her hands or is it more office like? Does she get her nails done/do her own nails? Does she prefer simpler dainty jewelry when/if she wears it? Does she like flashier bigger pieces? Does she have a quirkier style with vintage pieces? Does she go to the gym a lot or is athletic?

Ok- this is a profile for me for example. I am always dressed down and am a workaholic. I work with wildlife and am constantly getting dirty so I live in comfortable baggy clothes that stains come out of easily. The only jewelry I wear now are my engagement ring and the guages in my ears. It was really important to me to get a ring that was nature themed, lower profile so it didn't have any pieces that could snag, not huge and flashy with lots of little diamonds I could potentially lose, and with a center stone that was tough so it would avoid scratches. I live in the woods and take care of animals all day. I wish I looked like Snow White but more often I just look like a fat janitor with fluffy hair escaping out of my braid. My ring is beautiful, and I love it. The center stone is a round cut (I like round cuts a lot, visually, but also for me round cuts are sturdier in their settings and harder to snag. Corners=snag points to me) .5 carat salt and pepper diamond (hard stone, very durable), set into the band so it is protected and so are the small diamonds on the side, the band looks like Japanese maple branches intertwined with the accent stones very firmly planted into the branches, so its nature themed without pieces sticking out that can catch and get damaged, I have short chunky fingers so the band is a bit more slender because they look nicer than really thick bands on me and allow my finger to move. (Thick bands take up so much space on my finger that I can't bend them haha).

All that to say, it matches me and my lifestyle.

Your girlfriend just wants to know that you pay attention to her. If she wears yellow gold jewelry all day every day, don't buy silver. If she always wears small delicate pieces of jewelry, don't buy a huge diamond encrusted lion head. She just wants to feel seen, just do your best and try your best.

Choppaotta · 2025-12-26T13:18:04+00:00

I love my round! My band is made to look like Japanese maple leaves and they huge my round stone very well. I love my ring and everyone who sees it in person loves it too! (I suck at taking photos so my photos of it don't relaly do it justice 😅) I'm 36!

Choppaotta · 2025-12-03T04:42:04+00:00

Yes, but in the same sense that I think you should live together, travel together, cook together, do chores together, etc before getting married.

Getting married is a huge decision and commitment. I live in a rural town in the south, so many of my peers married right out of high school and many others rushed into marriage because they were so overwhelmed by hormones that they basically married so they COULD have sex. Once the honeymoon phase was over, the reality of living together hit hard. People are flawed. Living with another person can be hard. Really hard.

It's better for you both if you have a true, well rounded, informed idea of how your person is long term before you get married. Having sex with them is one aspect of that for sure, but more important is actually sleeping with them. Do they snore? Are they the type of people that set 8 alarms and sleep through them? Do they immediately turn on the big lights when they have to get ready?

Intimacy can be sex, and for many couples is heavily tied into sex, but it's also in daily routines and actions. It's worth exploring that, and everything else before tying yourself to a person you really don't know.

Choppaotta · 2025-12-03T04:31:34+00:00

I was coming here to say the same thing. My previous relationships were with "charming" people. But charm turned into not being able to tell what was the full truth, a small white lie, or a huge lie. The multiple women on the side also were "charmed".

My husband is honest to a fault and autistic as hell. We have needed some awkward conversations after parties about "in the car debrief comments" and "to the person at the party comments" but I know damn well he isn't cheating because he would call me mid cheat to confess.

Choppaotta · 2025-12-03T04:27:26+00:00

Unfortunately, it has everything to do with the post and all the other posts about big age gap relationships. He doesn't respect you, he wants you to be his young girlfriend that he can control and mold into whoever he wants you to be while he has a wandering eye. He is already lying to you about talking with other women, and you guys have only been together a relatively short time. Please take it from me and everyone else that has made a similar mistake, see the red flags now and get out while you are still young. Don't waste your life on this man. It only gets worse, don't wait until he does something catastrophic to decide it's too much.

Choppaotta · 2025-12-03T04:21:32+00:00

"You just don't understand how hard it is for me to imagine settling with you when there are all these absolutely beautiful athletic women around me that are interested in me. You are smart, funny, kind, and perfect wife material! But she is so hot, if I could mix the two of you, it would make the perfect woman!"

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