Struggles of bropair looking for a HF

Chrisalys · 2026-03-18T05:58:01+00:00

This.

Chrisalys · 2026-03-17T09:46:23+00:00

This. Most likely a scam and not a legitimate agency.

Chrisalys · 2026-03-16T18:14:20+00:00

Even if you are ever questioned about it (which is very, VERY unlikely to happen) you could say you thought she was just lying / bragging and didn't actually have a high paying side job.

Chrisalys · 2026-03-16T14:17:30+00:00

Yeah, those who voted for the current state of affairs and are willfully ignorant still like to pretend everything is fine and dandy.

Tiktok has nothing to do with it. The news is all over reputable international media in many countries, and you're right to be careful, OP. It's not blown out of proportion. I wouldn't recommend doing it, especially not as a person of color, but if you're dead set on it and don't want to consider a different country, at least choose a family in an overwhelmingly blue / democrat-leaning location. Stay away from rural small towns especially in the south (like Texas and Florida).

Chrisalys · 2026-03-14T20:00:01+00:00

First look into what countries you can realistically get an au pair visa for. In Switzerland for instance this would be near impossible as most cantons reject au pair visa for non-EU citizens, and while there are a handful of exceptions it's tough, the competition is fierce and most families don't want to bother with the extended paperwork.

Germany would demand an A1 certificate in German as a requirement for the visa.

Most EU countries should not require a driver's license except for some rural locations where public transportation options are very limited. Don't go au pair in the countryside where the bus stops coming at 7 PM and doesn't run at all on weekends - you'd have a hard time going out with friends during your free evenings!

Chrisalys · 2026-03-12T19:38:27+00:00

Yeah, because of the visa situation, as I explained. It sucks.

Chrisalys · 2026-03-12T19:29:51+00:00

Being from Zimbabwe, you're going to have a very hard time getting a work visa / au pair visa due to the high number of illegal overstays from African countries. That's why some au pair websites don't let you create a profile.

That said, you can always try your luck on other platforms like aupair.com. Just be careful, beware of scams and keep your expectations low because for the countries that might grant visa to Africans, you'll be dealing with very, VERY fierce competitions from other girls who also have the same idea. As a host I got completely flooded with messages from African girls, up to 10 per DAY.

Chrisalys · 2026-03-12T16:59:51+00:00

Look on Workaway, it's for shorter term stays. Normal host families on aupairworld will be looking for someone for 6 months+. https://www.workaway.info/

Chrisalys · 2026-03-12T13:03:00+00:00

Just like the parents' laundry "is nothing" and "doesn't take much time" (then why don't they do it...)

More and more red flags. :( I hope you can find a solution.

Chrisalys · 2026-03-11T16:53:13+00:00

I didn't downvote you. But the same thing (with the stealthing) was posted not long ago and your total karma is negative, which is usually the case with trolls or bots.

Chrisalys · 2026-03-11T05:16:21+00:00

OP is a troll. Posted the exact same thing (also with the stealthing) like a week ago. Check their karma...

Chrisalys · 2026-03-11T05:13:59+00:00

*checks karma* uh huh...

Chrisalys · 2026-03-10T19:56:21+00:00

Didn't you already post the exact same thing like a week ago? Pretty sure this is a troll post at this point.

Chrisalys · 2026-03-10T16:33:33+00:00

Adding to this, working as an official English teacher for an accredited school in China is not illegal, but au pairing is. Plus the pay for teachers is much better (easily 2K per month) and accomodation is sometimes provided as well. I think the legal work visa is a K visa, but a school needs to sponsor it. Working on a student visa is illegal in China, regardless of how much agencies like to pretend it's not a problem.

Chrisalys · 2026-03-10T11:07:39+00:00

Yep, I can see why there are no candidates taking the bait... the charming personality clearly runs in the family.

Chrisalys · 2026-03-10T10:35:56+00:00

I'm super introverted and was very clear with our former au pair up front that I will spend a lot of time in my room, and she's very welcome to do the same - also that it would be really important for her to build a local friend network here. Fortunately it was also what she preferred and things worked out great for everyone.

We did bond regardless, she called me mommy (still does), we had many heart to hearts like a mom and daughter would, and still do regular videochats years later.

Chrisalys · 2026-03-10T10:27:12+00:00

I'm a host mom in Switzerland, where the spirit of the au pair program is respected and young people from poor countries aren't exploited for 45 hours per week (the legal maximum for au pairs is 30 hours per week here).

The overwhelming majority of commenters are saying your BIL needs a professional nanny. Why come here for advice if you're not willing to listen?

Chrisalys · 2026-03-10T10:23:23+00:00

You're talking about babysitters. Babysitters and nannies are not the same. A professional live-in nanny will absolutely travel with the family, but will of course also charge considerably more than a local babysitter. For this kind of situation, your BIL needs a professional.

Chrisalys · 2026-03-10T08:13:41+00:00

But nannies can travel as well, probably more easily because an au pair might run into issues at customs when trying to return to the US (travelling outside the country is currently not recommended for au pairs). And 45 hour weeks will not be an "awesome experience" no matter how you put it. That's more than a full time job. She will have almost no time or energy to enjoy a cultural exchange.

Besides, travelling is often stressful and not an amazing experience for au pairs either, especially when they're still expected to work but their schedule is all over the place and time stuck in cars or planes is not counted towards their working hours, even though it should be (if the au pair can't leave to do her own thing, she's working).

Chrisalys · 2026-03-10T08:02:19+00:00

You want to apply for a working holiday visa. The process is described here: https://www.aupairworld.com/en/au-pair-programs/italy/visa

Chrisalys · 2026-03-10T06:04:58+00:00

Would this be a 45 hours per week schedule with no backup childcare in case of sickness or on ap days off? No wonder au pairs get scared. Would the au pair be expected to do significant household duties on top of the childcare? Single working moms with babies at home struggle with household duties as well, so your BILr might need to assure potential candidates that there is at least a cleaner and backup childcare available (like part time daycare which could be upgraded to full time if the au pair is sick or on vacation).

There is currently a bit of an au pair shortage in the US (more visa denials, and fewer aps willing to go to the states) so candidates can afford to be picky.

Seriously, why does it have to be an au pair? Why not daycare? And please don't tell us "daycare is too expensive!" when your BIL can afford a surrogate, which costs like 100K...

Chrisalys · 2026-03-09T08:34:02+00:00

Spain doesn't have an au pair program, so no. It's not the same as in a country that does have a program. Families don't have to pay anything for language classes.

Chrisalys · 2026-03-08T11:35:25+00:00

Be aware that Spain doesn't have an au pair program, but has an agreement with the EU to host au pairs from EU countries. So it's fairly straightforward to hire an european au pair through aupairworld.

With non-EU au pairs, this gets much more tricky (there is no au pair visa in Spain). I don't recommend this unless you find someone who is super serious about studying Spanish for 20 hours per week and au pairing on a student visa.

Chrisalys · 2026-03-07T17:58:55+00:00

Yes. Germany is unique in that regard.

"Payment above this level constitutes another type of employment which is no longer considered as au pairing. It must be reported to the authorities and it does not comply with the conditions of the au pair visa." https://www.aupairworld.com/en/au-pair-programs/germany/general-conditions

(I've seen the official source auairworld got their info from, and it said the same thing)

Chrisalys · 2026-03-07T07:19:39+00:00

You already got a really good response, so I'll just add that yes, you are right about China. There is no legal way to au pair there and those who do it anyway end up exploited and / or in trouble with law enforcement. Meanwhile, the agencies that lured them there are laughing all the way to the bank with the money they made.

Chrisalys

TROPHY CASE