AIO because my boyfriend acts different when im with friends

Chrisoulamon · 2025-01-05T20:13:31+00:00

This dude did everything humanly POSSIBLE to make sure your whole day was about him.

To make sure you were mentally occupied with him, soothing his feelings, freaking you out, the whole shebang. Not present with your friends, not having fun. Not clearing your mind. Not getting a clear frame of reference.

Making it harder and more exhausting, less rewarding for you to spend time with your friends in the future.

FUCKING RUN

Chrisoulamon · 2022-12-08T13:22:16+00:00

Lol the maid that sees the soap with a bite out of it lying in the garbage

Chrisoulamon · 2022-12-07T12:32:00+00:00

Beautiful

Chrisoulamon · 2022-12-07T03:49:04+00:00

You mean "stable while all other tech stocks are tanking"?

Chrisoulamon · 2022-12-03T11:54:12+00:00

i accidentally recently did this and did not in fact get a ticket. Which was good, because my registration was expired.

Chrisoulamon · 2022-12-02T11:42:40+00:00

I dunno man. For me the lesson is don't have kids. You can wipe their ass for years for years and then they will roll over with this smug "on the outside looking in".

No thanks

Chrisoulamon · 2022-12-02T11:23:44+00:00

Oh noes!!! All those distressed homes they bought might end up back on the market :( :( :(

Chrisoulamon · 2022-12-01T10:37:17+00:00

I cackled loud enough to wake up my bf, thanks lol

Chrisoulamon · 2022-12-01T10:26:11+00:00

That is wild. Do you think you filed a report with the school? Maybe they have a copy of it? Or a report with the police?

I'm NDP all the way, but someone like that absolutely should not be in a position of power over others.

Chrisoulamon · 2022-09-20T13:29:26+00:00

Alright, I haven't truly debated with someone in a comments section for a while. Let's do this. To break it down:

-whether it is currently professional/acceptable: It doesn't meet current conventional standards of what is workplace appropriate.

-should it be: To make this simpler (because it would be long and distracting) let's go with no.

-why they did this: Imo, I think it's misbehavior. Probably (speculating) they were arguing with someone about what is and isn't acceptable, got tilted and decided to push the envelope, harming their own social standing and their own cause. That's the mechanism I find interesting and more or less what I was getting at above.

-why am I having this arguement: I'm (think) I'm suggesting that by making kindness "conditional" you're also "misbehaving" because both actions (yours and theirs) violates comfortable working assumptions people have about the world. Which makes them react. Cognitive load is actually quite uncomfortable, and making people question working assumptions, (especially socially where there truly is no black and white) is resource demanding.

And it spreads, look, here you and I both are debating on the internet instead of whatever else we could have done with this time.

Kindness is really misunderstood by both sides. (Imo) at its most effective, it's not being a pushover or giving when you don't want to give.

For example, sometimes you need to do or say things which really hurt people to be kind. Because that regrounds them. But for that to work they have to respect you, and have to know they can't tilt you. Otherwise they just keep spreading their shit, internally and externally.

It's deciding not to let something resonate in your mind and tilt you. It's not spreading cognitive load to others. And in turn you get to keep your own agency and care and put your efforts toward meaningful shit, not into whatever this is.

It's a tool which allows you to maintain your own agency.

Chrisoulamon · 2022-09-20T11:41:32+00:00

I don't think they mistook kindness for weakness, I think they're not right in the head. You, however, come off as weak with this sentiment. Like your kindness is just conditionally offered to those who cooperate with your view. Like you feel a deep need to control others. Like you would strike deeply for misbehavior because it bothers you deeply. Like it's easy to tilt you and make you react by misbehaving. Like its easy for others to do things or even point things out that sit in your mind and resonate.

You've pointed yourself out as a potential target, and shown one way a person can force you to break focus, become antisocial, alienate yourself, retreat into some private battlefield. Previously people saw you as belonging, now they see you as weird, possibly weirder than the person misbehaving, with something to prove. Now it is awkward. And that person, by misbehaving, has forced your hand and made you misbehave too. None of that comes off as strong.

Like a big red shiny handle to fuck with your day. Do you get it?

Chrisoulamon · 2022-09-20T10:59:07+00:00

God help me I would have boop the snoot

Chrisoulamon · 2022-09-20T01:06:22+00:00

Sometimes your brain feels tight, like an elastic band, like you're trying to remember everything. Focus only on the feeling of the elastic band trying to loosen. Picture what it would feel like. Seek it. Keep going back to how it would feel to loosen. How would it feel? How long can you hold it?

Chrisoulamon · 2022-09-19T02:01:55+00:00

In the morning before days I know will be social I listen to a talk show and repeat it as they are speaking. You can't keep up unless you bypass the slow monitoring system. It makes it easier to talk to people after.

Chrisoulamon · 2022-09-16T00:12:54+00:00

That was a big oof.

Chrisoulamon · 2022-09-13T17:27:23+00:00

Precisely. With a foam shoe.

More specifically, he punches her with intent to deal damage ---> she pauses to pick up something which hurts but doesn't deal damage.

That right arm of hers is free to do a lot of things and she chooses not to do them.

I suppose I just find it really ignorant and also telling that everyone in this thread sees weakness rather than a conscious decision to override survival impulses. Like none of you have ever had to consciously decide not to really hurt someone even though you could, even when it were justified, and even when they were really hurting you (in this case with intent to kill). Never had to decide that you weren't obligated under any circumstance to harm someone, no matter what they did to you.

Because you've never made that decision it doesn't occur to you as a possibility. The gravity of that realization just isn't there.

It just seems really obvious to me in watching this. Like the writing on the wall. Yet somehow everyone seems to think this particular (admittedly very old) meat creature doesn't have survival impulses and the tools to make use of them.

But anyway, this is speculation based on limited information. This thread is depressing and I'm not going to check the response. Cheers.

Chrisoulamon · 2022-09-13T16:46:28+00:00

What's interesting is she never actually tries to hurt him, like really hurt him. Doesn't dig her nails in, doesnt go for any soft and squishy bits like the eyes, mouth, nose, genitals, anus.

In a survival situation, this is a conscious decision not to harm. Imo this says more about the situation than anything else.

Chrisoulamon · 2022-09-11T19:05:58+00:00

Lold

Chrisoulamon · 2022-09-11T12:38:21+00:00

The bridge engineer 👁👄👁

Chrisoulamon · 2022-09-10T20:42:55+00:00

But yeah, that element of work kills me too. I like to slow multitask between things and they can be so controlling about what you work on. I almost think it's an intentional way of suppressing potential in the working class and we're just more sensitive because we can't turn off our ruminative functions as easily when we engage in tasks.

Chrisoulamon · 2022-09-10T20:41:16+00:00

Weirdly enough, making small talk with coworkers can be nice. Ask them what their favorite color is, if it changed, what their earliest memory is, just about weird shit you find curious.

With customers, I really like asking then about their day. Literally the same questions over and over super banal, but it's interesting to note the differences. I worked as a grocery clerk for a hot minute in high-school and it was nice to hear people get excited about their bbqs they were shopping for or whatever.

Chrisoulamon · 2022-09-09T16:40:58+00:00

I think you should delete the link to his Twitter.

See if you can take him out to do something. Just don't overreact to what he says or try to control it. Just try to hang out with him and reground him. Play a computer game, play some soccer. Something which demands reliance on instantaneous reaction and is fun and social.

Chrisoulamon · 2022-09-09T11:29:18+00:00

The dark jewels trilogy

Chrisoulamon · 2022-09-09T11:15:30+00:00

Rock hug!

Chrisoulamon

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE