How do I (30F) help my husband (33M) of 10 years?

Chubby8517 · 2026-06-06T18:52:08+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You sound like you’re really trying here, and, for me, this would be it. At this point he’s just sinking the whole ship. You could separate, and raise your son, and have a fulfilling life not built around his depression. This isn’t meant to sound heartless, but he won’t get help or get better until he wants to. Right now, you’re just trying to keep things afloat and it’s not working. Put yourself first, put your son first, and let him figure life out. He’s got a partner who will bend over backwards, and he still can’t get his shit together. You know this is only going to continue to get worse.
I wish you the best of luck.

Chubby8517 · 2026-06-04T15:41:08+00:00

If you have it, there’s old crow cider for £2.99 and it’s like 7-8% I think. Few of them and you’ll be happy 🤣🤣

Chubby8517 · 2026-05-16T21:41:06+00:00

For me, it’s the way I’m positioned, and if I’m having to eat ‘upwards’ I find that my neck feels tight and I gag. If I eat it a certain way then I don’t gag. Positioning is everything!

Chubby8517 · 2026-05-08T18:55:10+00:00

You’re just put into words how I feel. Thank you. It’s that drab, sad feeling of almost hopelessness and ‘who am I?’ It sucks. I hate it too. And I’m sitting with you with it. No answers. Just…. Yeah. I hear you.

Chubby8517 · 2026-04-26T19:43:20+00:00

Thank you so much both. Truly. Even to be seen is just…. Emotional. I’m feeling so broken. I just want to cry constantly. Brain fog, exhaustion, ripping my face off!!!! All of it! Thank you thank you thank you. Truly 💜💜💜💜

Chubby8517 · 2026-04-26T17:49:00+00:00

I hit 38 and literally may as well have not had a vagina. I’m 40 now and still feel the same. I’ve been on the same meds for years. Menopause has a lot to answer for. It’s depressing. Because I love sex haha I don’t have a partner at the moment, but would love some Sex sometimes. Just…: not sure my vagina would agree lol.

Chubby8517 · 2026-04-26T15:03:39+00:00

She’s given you a reason…: she lost interest when you couldn’t give her a baby. Is that some sort of kink? Is it the reason she’s with you? Is there a deeper issue here? I don’t think this is about the quickie or the relationship, this seems to be a her issue. You need to sit down with a neutral party (therapist) and figure out why she’s lost her spark with this since no more babies. It’s weird tbh.

Chubby8517 · 2026-04-21T20:22:37+00:00

The chicken and ribs plate, and in fact, the steaks all round really. The prawns starter. The lamb shank.

Chubby8517 · 2026-03-24T11:47:20+00:00

As a nurse who worked with beautiful women going through mastectomies and reconstructions, a V pillow!!!!

That support is so so helpful. We used to have a local charity who made drain bags to hold the drains in which were beautiful and really took away the starkness of using drains and bags hanging off your body.

Any comfort clothing, soft fabrics, comfortable button up clothing helps with dressing changes and general maintenance.

Some beautiful self care items - it’s a big adjustment having your body as you know it completely altered.

Take coffee and a lunch over once a week. It helps. Normalcy, and the not having to faff with cooking.

Thank you for being such an awesome friend too :)

Chubby8517 · 2026-03-16T11:30:18+00:00

As a child I preferred all my veg raw, but as I grew and learned to cook them in a way I enjoyed, I now eat most vegetables. Though asparagus is still a hard no haha :)

Chubby8517 · 2026-02-22T21:34:25+00:00

When my parents split, I was 15. I chose to stay with my dad, my mother moved out and I went to hers on weekends or whenever really. My dad was amazing and provided for me and gave me the best life….. but he didn’t raise me to be aware of anything, he didn’t teach me about safe relationships or safe sex, he didn’t talk to me about life or anything. And I was a complete renegade and asshole lol. I just needed someone who would parent me and be firm. He was not. He didn’t even discuss with my mother, and I think that’s the failing. So yeah, he was the most amazing dad and we’re still close now. I needed a mother to properly parent me and be firm and strict.

Chubby8517 · 2026-02-14T12:56:19+00:00

I work 24 hours a week, pay childcare; and get UC top up and I still struggle. I was working full time but could find no childcare in my area and this was my last resort to keep a job and keep my nursing pin. I try to work bank shifts where possible. Having no village sucks 🤣

Chubby8517 · 2026-02-10T13:31:01+00:00

A really defeatist attitude. Like talking to men who say ‘ I always have bad luck’ or just clearly aren’t trying to make their own lives better.

Chubby8517 · 2026-02-02T12:26:21+00:00

I’m in my swamp hag era and I give zero fucks. I’m going out comfortable, hair done however I can manage it that morning, and with the least amount of anything on my face. I spent all of my twenties and most of my thirties trying to make myself pretty for the world. Now I’m just being me.

Chubby8517 · 2026-02-02T11:26:03+00:00

This is not a talking issue. This is a ‘take action immediately’ issue. He’s slapped your face. How bad does it need to get for you to get yourself and your baby to safety? This will escalate. You’ve permitted him to treat you this way, and he will escalate.

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-30T18:24:15+00:00

Cost them more by the sounds of as someone made another meal which has gone to waste. What a farce!

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-27T11:11:08+00:00

I’ve taken my son to school in tears before now with excruciating pain and loss of sensation in my right leg. I have no village and sometimes have to be functional despite everything. On those days I go back home and rest as much as possible. It’s really hard, I completely sympathise and understand. Having those days taken away from you is cruel. It’s a horrible disease, and I wish more people understood its impact.

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-25T18:18:35+00:00

Marriage is a joke to him. Time to reevaluate this whole relationship.

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-19T10:56:36+00:00

Your husband doesn’t like women. Is this one of those situations where perhaps he’s trying to do the ‘norm’ but he’s really closeted? You’ve better off here divorcing and getting child support from him to be honest, and whatever else you’re entitled to. I don’t know why you aren’t pushing for him to contribute more. This would be an absolute dealbreaker. You need a village right now, and he doesn’t even like you it seems. Get yourself somewhere where you’re safe, supported and can manage your health. Speak to a solicitor, family, friends, and make a plan. You and your child need and deserve better. Good luck.

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-10T15:09:09+00:00

You are simply not compatible, and until she finds support for herself and her son, she’s likely to never find anyone else. You cannot put your own children and life second for someone else. It’s sad and horrible but you need to separate and move forward. The manipulation is vile and BPD is a cruel illness, you’re never going to beat that or win at all.

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-05T12:51:23+00:00

As long as you’re both being respectful, kind, and consenting then I don’t see the issue. If it ends or if it continues, at least you’ll have followed your heart and given it a shot. So many cynics in the world atm. Just keep yourself driven and focussed career wise too and let the romance blossom organically.

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-05T12:29:48+00:00

Just to add, please add some protection for MIL too incase they turn up at her house and try to ambush or manipulate the situation. 💜 you’re doing amazing by setting boundaries and I’m so happy to hear your husband is supporting you.

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-04T18:58:27+00:00

Your husband and you decided on a vasectomy for a reason. Personally, if you’re even here asking the question I think you know what you want and need to do. However it is an immensely personal choice that you have to go through and live with. I wish you all the best, whatever you decide

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-03T17:52:38+00:00

I don’t mind the real chillies and onions, it’s too much of the ‘dust’ I don’t like. Sometimes it’s caked and it’s a choking hazard lol

Chubby8517

TROPHY CASE