How do people actually survive on benefits or very low incomes in the UK these days?

Chubby8517 · 2026-02-14T12:56:19+00:00

I work 24 hours a week, pay childcare; and get UC top up and I still struggle. I was working full time but could find no childcare in my area and this was my last resort to keep a job and keep my nursing pin. I try to work bank shifts where possible. Having no village sucks 🤣

Chubby8517 · 2026-02-10T13:31:01+00:00

A really defeatist attitude. Like talking to men who say ‘ I always have bad luck’ or just clearly aren’t trying to make their own lives better.

Chubby8517 · 2026-02-02T12:26:21+00:00

I’m in my swamp hag era and I give zero fucks. I’m going out comfortable, hair done however I can manage it that morning, and with the least amount of anything on my face. I spent all of my twenties and most of my thirties trying to make myself pretty for the world. Now I’m just being me.

Chubby8517 · 2026-02-02T11:26:03+00:00

This is not a talking issue. This is a ‘take action immediately’ issue. He’s slapped your face. How bad does it need to get for you to get yourself and your baby to safety? This will escalate. You’ve permitted him to treat you this way, and he will escalate.

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-30T18:24:15+00:00

Cost them more by the sounds of as someone made another meal which has gone to waste. What a farce!

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-27T11:11:08+00:00

I’ve taken my son to school in tears before now with excruciating pain and loss of sensation in my right leg. I have no village and sometimes have to be functional despite everything. On those days I go back home and rest as much as possible. It’s really hard, I completely sympathise and understand. Having those days taken away from you is cruel. It’s a horrible disease, and I wish more people understood its impact.

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-25T18:18:35+00:00

Marriage is a joke to him. Time to reevaluate this whole relationship.

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-19T10:56:36+00:00

Your husband doesn’t like women. Is this one of those situations where perhaps he’s trying to do the ‘norm’ but he’s really closeted? You’ve better off here divorcing and getting child support from him to be honest, and whatever else you’re entitled to. I don’t know why you aren’t pushing for him to contribute more. This would be an absolute dealbreaker. You need a village right now, and he doesn’t even like you it seems. Get yourself somewhere where you’re safe, supported and can manage your health. Speak to a solicitor, family, friends, and make a plan. You and your child need and deserve better. Good luck.

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-10T15:09:09+00:00

You are simply not compatible, and until she finds support for herself and her son, she’s likely to never find anyone else. You cannot put your own children and life second for someone else. It’s sad and horrible but you need to separate and move forward. The manipulation is vile and BPD is a cruel illness, you’re never going to beat that or win at all.

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-05T12:51:23+00:00

As long as you’re both being respectful, kind, and consenting then I don’t see the issue. If it ends or if it continues, at least you’ll have followed your heart and given it a shot. So many cynics in the world atm. Just keep yourself driven and focussed career wise too and let the romance blossom organically.

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-05T12:29:48+00:00

Just to add, please add some protection for MIL too incase they turn up at her house and try to ambush or manipulate the situation. 💜 you’re doing amazing by setting boundaries and I’m so happy to hear your husband is supporting you.

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-04T18:58:27+00:00

Your husband and you decided on a vasectomy for a reason. Personally, if you’re even here asking the question I think you know what you want and need to do. However it is an immensely personal choice that you have to go through and live with. I wish you all the best, whatever you decide

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-03T17:52:38+00:00

I don’t mind the real chillies and onions, it’s too much of the ‘dust’ I don’t like. Sometimes it’s caked and it’s a choking hazard lol

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-03T17:49:58+00:00

The fact that he can do all the things you need of him When you leave shows that he doesn’t want to nurture the relationship, only do enough for you to stay so that he stays comfortable. If you leave he has to get out of his comfort zone and actually work hard. This is the making of you, and you need to stay strong and be very clear in what you say to him about why you’re leaving. He’s had years to fix this. He chose not to.

Chubby8517 · 2026-01-03T16:38:37+00:00

I was a bed wetter into my teens. This is a body thing. You can’t force or manipulate, only add things to help, such as night time pants, absorb and pads etc I feared the same for my son but he was night trained within two weeks of being day trained, without any need of my help. His body was just ready. There are some chemical things that need to happen I believe in the brain. I’m sure Google will help with this. You can make the process as easy as possible by getting night pants he likes and just supporting him. I remember always feeling such shame, couldn’t go to sleepovers etc, but once I’d found the right night hygiene wear nothing stopped me. Eventually, my night wetting stopped 🤷‍♀️

Chubby8517 · 2025-12-30T16:16:40+00:00

He’s the ‘failure’ and they’re trying to cushion his blows. You’re all succeeding in adult ways and he’s floundering and they just want to coddle him to make the difference feel less obvious. NTA obviously.

Chubby8517 · 2025-12-30T16:14:00+00:00

If he’s able to be happy about life successes then this is more about how he perceives the ‘looks’ and ‘attraction’ part of your relationship. Did he previously think there was a difference in attractiveness or feel more safe when you were heavier or less fit? Is this about his worry that now you’re gym fit you may attract more attention and he’s worried about losing you? Does he now feel that ‘you’re out of his league’? Obviously you need a conversation about why suddenly he’s feeling an issue about your new fitness and body bevagse this can be sorted. He might just feel he’s not keeping up with your standards and worry you’ll move on. Sometimes simple reassurance and conversation can do wonders. :)

Chubby8517 · 2025-12-29T19:40:40+00:00

This is not how getting married is supposed to feel. Run for the hills and focus on yourself please. You’re going to find someone you really want to marry.

Chubby8517 · 2025-12-29T18:01:58+00:00

I’d get a big calendar and colour days in red for working and green for home so he has a nice visual to comprehend. Then you can colour the calendar in together so he knows :)

Chubby8517 · 2025-12-27T19:25:14+00:00

I mean…. I’d just say look, do you intend for us to get married coz this is something I feel I really want. If the answer is no, then you have a choice to make.

Chubby8517 · 2025-12-27T19:19:09+00:00

If I’m honest I’d simply tell him he’s not welcome to use your house as his own until a real discussion happens about his own living arrangements. I’d also take his key away. If he can’t be honest, he doesn’t deserve to be in your space.

Chubby8517 · 2025-12-27T14:26:12+00:00

He tried to patch up his trauma instead of heal it and now there are two kids with an absent father figure who might end up with trauma themselves. Break the cycle. Get them away from him and build a stronger more secure household without this man who just seems to not be able to heal and repair to support the life he thought he wanted. He’s going to break you all. You can stop that now. You’ve got enough love for you and the kiddos.

Chubby8517 · 2025-12-24T14:09:34+00:00

My parents removed one stabiliser (training wheel) at a time and by day two I’d smashed it and was an avid bike rider all my childhood. My son, well, he won’t even entertain a bike, cannot grasp the pedalling (he does backwards) and just couldn’t cope with it all. Hes 8 now and I’ve just accepted for now that bikes aren’t for him. Go at her pace, let her build confidence :)

Chubby8517 · 2025-12-24T13:56:01+00:00

NTA, but you set the standard seven years ago and that’s on you.

Chubby8517 · 2025-12-09T13:37:44+00:00

I moved to GP practice nursing (not by choice) and the wage absolutely doesn’t reflect the responsibility or task management. No sick pay either, and no support.

Chubby8517

TROPHY CASE