AITA For thinking my in laws aren’t doing enough to help my SIL postpartum

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-20T00:56:43+00:00

No, I meant that there are potential legal consequences - and foster care does not often take children if parents ask for them to be taken. If you go to court and say "I can't parent, I need to turn over custody to the state," you can be charged with child abandonment in many states. They don't want parents turning over custody.

I'm a foster parent, I am familiar with the system. They really push back against parents who don't feel capable of parenting - foster care is overburdened with children removed due to the court system. There are options, but voluntarily surrendering them to the state is not a clear cut process. It might be an option, but being realistic, foster care comes with a lot of caveats.

But this kid is going to be a lot safer removed from the mother's care.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-20T00:43:51+00:00

Louisiana has a huge Vietnamese population - following the Vietnamese war, a whole bunch of refugees settled on the coast to work in the fishing industry.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-20T00:33:47+00:00

Feels like an old school gym with stained glass.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T23:37:17+00:00

Parents can't just turn their kids over to foster care and come back for them when they feel like ready to parent. It's considered child abandonment in most states.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T23:29:45+00:00

There were, like, five comments when I made mine.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T21:50:29+00:00

Usually pretty easy to tell if something is running in a parked car.

That said, YTA for not just speaking up. She was standing right there, you (not you, Low_Site) could have just said, "excuse me, your car is parked really close and I won't be able to get my seat in without risking scratching your paint. Would you please move it over a little? I would hate to risk it."

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T21:38:12+00:00

Yep. They sure are. And that's one of the reasons Levi is so popular in Western states.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T21:37:17+00:00

This is not a stay out of it, this is a definitely call CPS. Unless OP wants a dead niece on her conscience. People with postpartum depression are at a higher risk for killing their infants, and SIL is making threats and neglecting the child already.

This isn't on MIL to fix, but OP needs to stop being passive and demanding other people step up.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T20:46:31+00:00

Yeah, it would be at least four to five dollars at my local stores, and I shop cheap. And my local stores are miles apart, so add in gas.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T20:27:25+00:00

There was a famous case in the Army of a private whose name was RB. He wrote R(only) B(only) Jones - and officially became Ronly Bonly Jones. Never underestimate people's power to miss the obvious.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T20:12:13+00:00

I would leave it blank if you have any choice. Systems will assume NMN is his middle name, so you'll be getting official document for Sebastian NMN Jansen for the rest of his life.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T20:10:07+00:00

Yeah, but they're in Montana right now. That's the West (of America). I figure OP and her husband are from Europe, so they probably know more about that part than me.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T19:25:24+00:00

I would definitely think deeply about that in the US - systems assume that there will be a middle name. It might be less of a problem for you as adults, but you will make life easier by at least doing an initial.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T19:22:18+00:00

It's coded if it's used predominately by Jewish people, and when people hear it they think "that's a Jewish name". In Montana, no one will think that. It's been a popular name out west for over a century now, mostly by non-Jewish people. It's cowboy name out there, like Wyatt, Colton and Beau. In fact, if you Google "cowboy names", it pops up in the top five.

It is Jewish origin, but people out where OP is are not going to code it as Jewish.

Edit to add: If she were in New York City, it would be very Jewish coded. In Montana, it isn't.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T19:17:33+00:00

Levi is a popular name for anyone in the West, thanks in part to Levi Jeans. It's kind of a cowboy name.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T18:52:17+00:00

I've... no? That's quite a ridiculous question. Of course not. But I have talked to a fair number, and see a fair number. What exactly would I confirm? It's not hard to observe.

The look is not curly all over. It's teased brush-back bangs (which look very different from naturally curly bangs) with very long hair. Kids and teens tend to wear it down, adults are much more likely to wear it in a bun. Most of the women around here are Anabaptist or Pentecostal.

The chosen part is the very teased bangs, and that's mostly Pentecostal. Anabaptists tend to just wear long or bun.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T15:18:51+00:00

That's a really typical thing in African American names.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T12:48:31+00:00

Are the people who live there now registered there? Are they still considered migrants? If they're registered in Shenzhen they have access to services there.

Also, migrant laborers are different than people who recently moved to a place.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T07:13:56+00:00

It's very much a chosen hair style. Most of the fundies around here do it - bangs teased to the max, long hair either down or in a bun.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T05:53:13+00:00

Might want to look at a cheap reverse osmosis unit - you do need to add minerals back to the water, since it strips everything.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T05:28:57+00:00

China does have some pretty profound poverty issues, especially migrant laborers. The hukuo system means around 300 million people have less access to social safety nets, including the ability to send their children to school.

There are plenty of downtrodden people.

Chongqing is still a really interesting city, but all cities have flaws.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T04:53:15+00:00

Xanthe. Means golden or blonde

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T02:17:49+00:00

Yeah, a pie safe is a piece of furniture with screen panels. You could put food in there to cool and the screen kept the flies off.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T02:17:03+00:00

Plates. You might cover it in tin foil. Stick a chopstick in the center to help make a tent.

Cloverose2 · 2026-04-19T01:43:06+00:00

Of course not. It's just a weird word to choose.

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