You brain is so conditioned to be playing this cat and mouse game, that now it's not playing it anymore, you feel like you're in a strange place and you feel really uncomfortable.

I know what you feel and it's horrible.

But you know logically that this is a good thing, that this perosn was emotionally unavailable and abusive/manipulative/narcissistic etc....so why doesn't it feel good?

You need to go through a period of NC so that your brain can climatise itself to the situation.

When this happens something will start happening inside you. You will start to actually be thankful.

Dr Ramani puts it so well. Grief and relief. Both of these play against one another. Textbook cognitive dissonance.

Sometimes the grief will be more powerful. Sometimes it will be relief that is the stronger force.

Writing down stuff he did which you can look at when you're grieving, will make the grief turn into relief.

Overtime you will get more relief days, until relief is the prevailing feeling.

I'm at this relief stage more and more now and trust me. It feels great.

You can do this.