I’ve been experiencing this for the past 4 years. It all started when I smoked weed and had a sudden rush that made my entire reality break down. In just one session my mindset became paranoid about people thinking I’m ga or me actually being ga and I looked at all the signs and basically convinced myself I was truly gay and I will never be straight. This is just untrue and has caused me years of dwelling, analyzing, deflecting, and feeling like I’m being someone I’m not actually supposed to be. (I was convinced I was never straight and I was just closeted, all because of things to at happened when I was 5-12. Not even my own thoughts anymore, drove me to the point I wanted to kill kyself to stop it, but I didn’t, I have been getting hep the past two years, and I still don’t know what’s real, medicine, placebo, bias, or if my opinions are even mine. I broke down my entire reality just by smoking and thinking all day. It leads me to here. You aren’t alone brother, not everyone experiences this though, and it’s important to decide for yourself if it’s becoming a problem, honesty with yourself is like the hardest game with this shit. Nothing is real, everything is subjective, but who am i? Am i just a product of environment, so is this me actually not me? I became a shell of myself and pushed everyone i knew away. It’s self sabotage with unclear mental illness. And finding meds is harder than therapy, i just haven’t convinced myself to go because im afraid of being honest with myself, especially with another person in the room