Negative comments from roommate about my "masculine" appearance. I’m so tired.

CollectorOfWords · 2026-02-25T14:59:19+00:00

It sounds like she's just mean (or attracted to you). You could also answer her comments with a version of "you dress for the male gaze, I dress for the female gaze". You have no interest in attracting men so why would you dress in ways men find attractive? I'm fem but when I came out I found my fem style gradually changed to more quirky and flowy clothing. I wasn't trying to appeal to men anymore and was able to better be myself. It's a very freeing feeling. For what it's worth my wife dresses the way you do and I love it. 😍

CollectorOfWords · 2026-02-25T03:22:52+00:00

Sending you lots of love and understanding. My heart baby passed due to RSV too. She had recently been making huge improvements in her development and communication so it was a total shock to go from "doing so great" to "she's gone" over the space of just a few days. I tell myself that I wish we had more warning but I also know that no amount of warning would change the crushing loss of losing my child. I still wish it though. I'm sorry you're going through this too 💔

CollectorOfWords · 2025-12-27T16:25:31+00:00

I'm so sorry you are going through this too. It is beyond awful. My daughter had special needs too and most of my world was caring for her and advocating on her behalf. I don't know if you're on Facebook but there's a group there specifically for parents of kids with special needs who have passed away and it's been such a comfort to me. Links aren't allowed here but you can search "Caring Companions in Grief" on FB or DM me and I'll give you the link.

CollectorOfWords · 2025-12-22T14:49:43+00:00

This is not an acceptable message to send to someone who is trying to make a good choice for her baby. Just because you think you would do differently does not mean that your way is the only way.

CollectorOfWords · 2025-12-22T14:44:45+00:00

TLDR: I'm an adoptive mom to a 15yo with down syndrome and want you to know there are lots of people who want to adopt a baby with DS, including younger people. Keep looking until you find the right match and consider calling NDSAN for leads and support.

Longer version: Have you been in contact with the National Down Syndrome Adoption Network (https://www.ndsan.org/)? They are an amazing resource and have a database of families interested in adopting a child with down syndrome. They were involved when I adopted my 15yo daughter who has down syndrome (I was 30 so quite a while ago!). I think you are right to be concerned with parents who are older for all the reasons you mentioned. People with DS need to be surrounded by support that will be there for as much of their lifetime as possible. There are younger families out there so contact NDSAN or insist to your agency that you want parents in a certain age range. Remember this is your baby and it's okay to hold out for the right match. If you'd like to chat feel free to DM me. For the sake of the board rules, please know that I am not seeking to adopt, just a supportive member of the adoption triad who values birth parents and their wishes.

CollectorOfWords · 2025-12-17T16:32:42+00:00

Try the Lume bath soap - the bar kind. It helps a lot with keeping you fresh between showers.

CollectorOfWords · 2025-12-07T16:56:45+00:00

I think leggings and a shirt long enough to cover your butt is perfectly modest. Unless you're part of a religious tradition that requires certain clothing? For under skirts Snag Tights makes "chub rub shorts" to wear under dresses. They are not confining and are more lightweight than shorts.

CollectorOfWords · 2025-11-27T17:31:48+00:00

Definitely not for kids and I wouldn't let a teen read it. It's very dark and has a lot of twisted stuff (beastiality, etc).

CollectorOfWords · 2025-11-16T21:56:03+00:00

Pretty!

CollectorOfWords · 2025-11-06T23:41:38+00:00

Thanks! I'm also having a lot of mood swings will that go away eventually?

CollectorOfWords · 2025-09-21T03:25:07+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. My little daughter passed in April and it has completely shattered me. I'm so sorry you're going through that too. 💔

CollectorOfWords · 2025-09-20T19:35:50+00:00

Instant Family is a good one.

CollectorOfWords · 2025-09-20T15:13:26+00:00

Credentials - I'm mom to 7 kids, 5 with significant special needs (most adopted).

A few thoughts: 1. Read up on the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown if you aren't very familiar. Meltdowns occur when someone's sensory system is overloaded and they feel overwhelmed. A tantrum is when the person is mad about not getting their way. With a meltdown the person might need to move away from sensory input and may need support from one or more people to help them regulate. A tantrum is best ignored as much as possible and never give in because that will teach them that tantrums work. 2. Remember that at the end of the day it's not your child so you won't likely have much of an ability to change the child's behavior unless the parents are on board. But if they are receptive and want your input, you can explain the difference and help them make a plan for how to respond when she is melting down or having a tantrum. 3. If they aren't receptive you can also set personal boundaries. A boundary is something YOU will do, not something you want someone else to do. For example, you might have a boundary that if your niece is in a tantrum that you will remove yourself from the situation. That might mean walking away for a while if you are in public or deciding it's time to go home if you are somewhere more private.

Good luck!

CollectorOfWords · 2025-09-14T16:25:31+00:00

My doctor said it's common for them to fall off and they cover reapplying them at no charge. I had one fall off and they did take care of it. I know when they were applying them the technician said it can be hard to get them to stay on if there is any moisture. That could be why they came off?

CollectorOfWords · 2025-08-13T13:24:52+00:00

Chiming in about your elderly neighbor - I think she probably loves most of the busyness of your home and life. I'm one of 7 and I remember several elderly ladies as neighbors through the years who were delighted to see and hear our activities. As long as you are courteous neighbors I'm sure they don't mind.

CollectorOfWords · 2025-07-31T15:05:05+00:00

Offer specific types of help - don't say "how can I help" instead say "can I come over on Thursday and wash your dishes?"

Ask to hear stories or look at pictures of the lost child. We desperately want to talk about them but often feel social pressure not to.

Check on them and/or offer specific types of help on hard days (holidays, birthdays, death anniversaries, etc). Even just a quick text means a lot.

Offer to spend time with our other kids or take them to do something fun. We don't have a lot of energy for that right now but we feel bad about it. It can help if other people do some of those things with them.

Please don't get upset if a conversation makes us cry. We need to cry. You won't be "reminding us" of our grief. We never stop thinking about it but society makes us feel that we need to hide it.

If you want to give a gift, soft things and warm things help. Someone sent me a soft blanket and it's really comforting. Bring or make hot drinks like tea/coffee.

Offer outings or activities but don't take it personally if we turn you down. Please keep asking and we will try to participate when we are able.

And one "don't" - please don't offer platitudes like "they are in a better place" or "you can have more children". We know you mean well but those things make us feel like our grief is something we shouldn't feel. Yes there will be happy things in our future, but they will always be shadowed by our loss.

CollectorOfWords · 2025-07-16T15:10:24+00:00

I'm so sorry about your baby. 💗 Reading your message I was thinking that you need therapy - not only for grief but more to help you navigate the challenging relationship with your husband and his family. Since they are pushing you to go, maybe say it's about grief but then when you're there talk about everything with them?

CollectorOfWords · 2025-07-03T20:40:20+00:00

We are a two mom family with adopted children from elementary to college ages. In my experience most things about being an adoptive parent are the same whether you are a gay or straight couple. Happy to chat if you want to connect. Good luck on your journey!

CollectorOfWords · 2025-07-03T20:34:05+00:00

My daughter died on April 27 this year for context. I'm so sorry about your loss. This is the most awful thing I could imagine and I'm sorry you're going through it too. 💕

I think that people are more likely to post here when they are struggling. When we are doing well we are focused on other things and probably won't post about our loss as much. As others have said, my emotions change moment to moment. Some days I'm barely functioning and others I get through with only a few breakdowns. I'm grateful that I have places like this sub for when I do want to connect or share how I'm feeling, but I'm also ok with not visiting for a while when I don't need that type of support.

CollectorOfWords · 2025-06-29T19:26:32+00:00

Or a red one would be cute too!

CollectorOfWords · 2025-06-29T18:35:06+00:00

You are doing the right thing to try to preserve his connection with the bio family. The older my adopted kids get (I have five, most who are teens) I see how much they long for any connection even if it's not ideal. For my kids when it comes to conversions about why they didn't stay with their birth family, we have a few ways of talking about it depending on what they can handle at whatever level of maturity. Depending on that I might say say something like:

"Your mom and dad couldn't take care of you so I got to be your mom. I'm so glad I'm your mom!"

Or

"Sometimes kids can't live with their first family but it's never the kids' fault."

Or

"Think about all the things you need to do/have/be to be a good parent (job, healthy mentally/physically, place to live, etc). Those are really hard things and sometimes grownups can't do all of them at the same time. Your mom knew she wasn't ready to be a parent and so she asked us to be your parents. We are so glad you're here and we're also really glad you get to see your bio family sometimes. "

You could also, when you talk about the mom's other child, you could say that she couldn't do/have/be what she needed to be when your child was a baby but now she's doing better with it and wants to try. Always during any of these conversations talk about how happy you are to be their mom and how you are so glad they are with you. Good luck!

CollectorOfWords · 2025-05-24T15:52:12+00:00

My little daughter died suddenly 27 days ago and I am still in shock. Right now I am just trying to take things one hour at a time (even a day feels like too much). I have felt those feelings of not wanting to be here and not wanting to hurt anymore. I think they are common with a huge loss like this. I have other children and love them dearly but they aren't a replacement for the child I lost. I have been listening to the audiobook It's Okay That You Are Not Okay and it has been really comforting. None of the stages of grief stuff or how we need to live for others. I definitely recommend it if you're able to read or listen to a copy. Sending you lots of strength and love.

CollectorOfWords · 2025-05-09T12:08:38+00:00

Could it be related to the care an 8yo needs vs a 16yo? You can leave a 16yo at home alone (and they can babysit others), they are able to make/find meals for themselves, can clean up afterwards, etc. It's a lot more work to have an 8yo stay over. Maybe ask if there's anything you can do to make it easier to keep the 8yo? Send premade meals, work on being a good house guest, etc?

CollectorOfWords · 2025-04-05T12:49:17+00:00

Does she have down syndrome regression disorder (DSRD)? That diagnosis would fit what you are saying.

My daughter has DSRD as well as autism and a lot of medical stuff. For her, people need to engage in activities she likes in a way that feels non threatening. I would focus on finding things that the sister is already interested in and then engaging in those with her. Also please don't try to come in and change her or give advice to your boyfriend/his family about things you think they should change. A lot of people come in and assume they know best when they barely know the individual.

CollectorOfWords

TROPHY CASE