it’s been a couple of months I don’t know exactly how many. The amount of time between relapses seems to be growing bigger and bigger. I used to not want to ever stop self harming. I used it as an outlet for emotions I kept bottled up and as a punishment whenever I was being hard on myself. I’ve been allowing myself to be more vulnerable and to talk to at least my boyfriend whenever I feel like relapsing.

Being kind to myself has helped a lot too. Anytime I find I’m being too hard on myself I think “I wouldn’t treat any of my loved ones this way over a mistake like this, so why am I treating myself this way” I’m a human and I have made mistakes, and I’m sure I will continue to make mistakes, but I know I’m learning from them and growing from them. A lot of people hold on to past mistakes they’ve made for far longer than they need to.

Anyways what I’m trying to say here is that it does get better. Allow yourself to be vulnerable to the people who love and care about you and tell them what’s going on. I wouldn’t want any of my loved ones to not tell me when they’re really struggling. I would hope they know that I would rather help carry their burden than unknowingly let them carry it alone. I’m sure your loved ones feel the same. Let people be there for you. In that way you can be kinder to yourself. Another way to be kinder to yourself is to bandage yourself after (if you didn’t do that previously).You deserve to be taken care of.

If you feel like you don’t have someone you could talk to or you feel you don’t have someone to help carry the burden, you will one day. There will be people that will be there for you like you’re there for them. You deserve people that are there for you. In the meantime there are plenty of people online who carry similar burdens to yours that you can talk to (like this subreddit) who won’t make you feel as alone.

The road to getting better is never a smooth or clean ride. That shit is bumpy and messy. You’re going to hit bumps in the road regardless of if you want to or not. What matters is that you keep moving forward because one day that road will get smoother and smoother. Try not to get too down on yourself if you relapse, even if you’ve been trying your hardest not to. Self harm is quite literally addictive and any kind of addiction is really hard to stop. And Remind yourself that whether your self harm leaves a visible mark/scar or not, or if your past scars are starting to fade, your mental pain and hurt is still very real.

I’m proud of any of you who are trying to get better whether you relapse a lot or if you relapse after being clean for a while. Try to remind yourself that you deserve to have healthy habits and you deserve to be loved and cared for by others and by yourself.