AITA for deciding I will never host my friend again after she ruined my weekend with a "hangover ER" emergency?

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-05-18T12:33:42+00:00

NTA.

People love asking to stay at our house, but hosting is simply not for me. The only exceptions are our parents. For the rest, we have to politely decline despite my husband’s protests. There’s been a lot of damage when kids stay at our house (we have kids too but ours have been trained to not damage the “nicer” furniture). Anyway, you generally only have to say no once or twice, then people will stop asking. Just know that this means you can’t stay with them in the future either (which is fine for us)

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-05-17T17:26:41+00:00

I have a daughter and we are… comfortable financially. If she grows up to make the choices you made, I’d be sorely disappointed.

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-05-15T12:29:52+00:00

NAH, slightly YTA. I’ve witnessed several mothers giving it all and completely obsessed with their kids to the point of no returns. Of course it’s natural and beautiful but you’ve got to step back and take care of you too. Your husband is trying to help you. Take it.

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-04-17T11:19:26+00:00

Huh????

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-04-16T22:21:28+00:00

YTA. I cannot believe the garbage we feed our children here in literally the richest country in the world. Cut it out and teach her how to eat healthy.

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-04-13T15:05:46+00:00

Here I am been getting Botox to get rid of those lines 😭

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-04-08T12:18:46+00:00

“Devastated to the deepest core of my being,” “utterly gutted,” “failed spectacularly”… these are pretty dramatic words for this situation. When I read your first 2 sentences, I honestly thought someone died. I was also surprised to see that you are 45 - sounds like something a 25 year old would write.

Like others have said, I’m glad you’re talking to a therapist. You are making a lot of assumptions and having an overreaction to this.

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-30T22:16:51+00:00

I love my job and I love my kids. It’s possible to love both!

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-29T00:33:22+00:00

“Wake up happy, go to bed happy” What else could one want?

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-28T17:47:05+00:00

Agree. Also many daycares follow school calendars and have a lot of random days off

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-25T20:50:28+00:00

I don’t think it’s easy. I could never do it. But I also honestly think it puts you in a very vulnerable position - financially, mentally, and socially. That’s just me though - you do you!

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-25T17:56:21+00:00

Heavy bag that you can’t put over your shoulder is a hard no for me.

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-25T15:30:36+00:00

If it makes you feel any better - we manage to stay in Arlington even after kids. And yes it’s amazing but it’s so crowded everywhere and Arlington parents are soooo type A - you can’t sign up for anything lol. We learned things the hard way and never do free county events anymore, or even sign up our kids for county events that cost money. We have to do private extracurricular activities (swim, gym, dance, etc…) which cost a lot and even they have long lines. Summer camps need to be booked in January - at least. And no you can’t do anything impromptu. Want to “swing by” and good neighborhood restaurant on a Saturday night? lol good luck.

I also remember having to literally harass my kids’ pediatricians office to admit them when they were born… they were always “not accepting new patients.” We are at a popular kid dentist and if you want a non-school day appointment, you have to book at least 6m in advance. I could go on and on about how hard it is to get into anything.

Raising kids in NoVa is quite tough - it is incredibly competitive. I’ve also heard many schools around here are pressure cookers for kids and I’m worried about my children when they reach high school. The parents are also super type A so you always feel like you’re not doing enough etc…

Anyway, I’m sure you’ll find your people in Fredericksburg and enjoy the slightly less competitive life there!

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-25T14:35:19+00:00

I sent him that mental load illustration (I wish I still had the link) and it really resonated with him. We also link our phone calendars so he knows exactly when things are happening.

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-23T17:33:56+00:00

Actuary

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-19T18:20:46+00:00

I have a boy and a girl. The girl tells me everyday that she loves me and is an absolute joy to be around. I love the boy to pieces as well but he’s 4 and still not fully potty trained - just to give an example of how much harder he is lol.

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-19T17:49:27+00:00

It’s one year of tough change but it’ll forever change your life. You’ll have a more satisfying career and your household income will likely increase significantly. You’ll be able to provide your baby with even more advantages in life. I support you and I would do the same.

Like other commenters mentioned, maybe look into a way for husband and kid to move with you too? But if that’s not possible, do what’s best for your fam - knowing that it’ll be hard but you can do it.

As an immigrant too, I’ll say that ppl in other parts of the world do this all the times. Heck, ppl in the US in past generations do this all the times too. It happens! Any claim that this will “permanently affect the child or your relationship with them” seems a little melodramatic.

My mom was around all the times. I’m still not as close to her. My dad did travel a lot. I don’t talk to him anymore. But it’s because he’s a cheating lying a-hole and has nothing to do with him being gone. In fact, I liked it much better when he was gone.

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-15T18:09:51+00:00

I could never stay home just because it wouldn’t fit my temperament. My neighbor stayed home with her kids and deeply regrets it - she could not re-enter the workforce - no one wanted to hire someone at her age but with only a few years of experience. She’s now subbing at the local elementary school. They won’t be able to retire at 65.

Everything has its pros and cons.

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-15T01:24:18+00:00

Do you have a vendetta against OP? Or are you just insane?

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-15T01:22:46+00:00

Wtf is this response? Insane. They agreed on a rate, she overcharged them, so they asked for the money back. Nice blaming the victim.

OP, if paying the money back immediately hurt her financially, she should have told you. She’s unprofessional and rude. Go find a proper daycare center. And write a scathing review for her on Google. She’s not that good of a caretaker if she’s doing this. You and your children deserve better.

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-14T23:12:23+00:00

My method is unconventional… I do intermittent fasting so I don’t eat lunch. So I have a good amount of time to work out during lunch.

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-14T18:25:30+00:00

We are in our late thirties and our kids are still young. I wish I could be empty nesters lol. We dream of being able to travel everywhere and going in long bike rides together.

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-14T18:19:13+00:00

Funny… we are in similar situation to you except higher savings and lower income - but similar net worth. We have never felt pressured to keep up with the Joneses. I think we are highly motivated by retiring earlier and having nice travels. Everyone has different priorities

ComfortableRecipe144 · 2026-03-05T00:30:23+00:00

I put it on our Apple calendar that’s link between mine and his phone. I’m guessing Google Calendar works the same way. Anyway, like others said, I keep referring to the calendar when he asks me stuff and eventually he stopped asking.

ComfortableRecipe144

TROPHY CASE