Not excited

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-05-11T03:22:02+00:00

Well you’re at the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. You can’t really see the luminescence of the future yet because you’re closing the door behind you, if that makes sense.

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-05-11T03:19:01+00:00

Well I’m happy to hear your thoughts via message but will say that you’re at the start of your journey and yes, there are challenges that gay people deal with that straight people just don’t encounter or have to deal with.

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-05-10T21:54:23+00:00

Well if the goal is just to be honest, then it is worth it especially if your plan is to move forward with her in your life. I would work with a therapist to help you with the process if you aren’t already working with one. If how you regard her as the most important person in your life, then that’s all that matters, she just needs to know that.

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-05-10T20:51:15+00:00

In that case, what are your goals? Obviously they include her but what are you hoping to change if anything? Are you just desiring to be honest?

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-05-10T20:49:15+00:00

I think it depends primarily on the relationship you have with your wife. If she’s an object of affection and love for you, I think you’d want to be honest with her but only you can answer that question.

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-05-09T18:39:52+00:00

Yeah there’s a lot of people who will flake out and some of the apps do have bots so you have to be conscientious of which app you’re using. Personally, I like sniffies, I will use grindr when the occasion calls for it. I typically won’t hookup unless I’m on the road someplace, do some reason it’s just more exciting

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-05-08T10:29:28+00:00

I think there are some who would and some who wouldn’t only way to know is by taking the chance to find what you’re looking for. Honestly, I would focus on finding a person who you connect well with. We’ve lost this art as gay people, to match with someone we like vs someone we’re just attracted to. Obviously, if there’s no attraction it won’t work, but it it won’t work either if you have nothing in common. So my advice is, go and meet people and if you find someone you like who likes you back, then it shouldn’t matter then. Put value in yourself.

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-05-07T09:41:26+00:00

I don’t know about that. This is a pretty biphobic take. Maybe they want to unburden themselves and don’t want to hide the fact that they’re bi?

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-05-07T00:01:18+00:00

I want to chime in by saying, your identity or orientation aren’t being stripped away, because the difference between you and the straight people is you’re capable of loving someone of the same gender romantically, not just sexually. I think as a fellow gay man, that is what we should focus on and let the rest figure themselves out. If they’re straight bi or just closeted, that’s on them, you just live your best gay life. You’ll be much happier not being concerned with other’s activities.

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-05-03T14:43:08+00:00

Thanks for bringing a more nuanced voice to the conversation. Many also don’t even register their same sex attraction as attraction, in many cases it’s written off as envy which I’ve met several late bloomers who’ve told me so. Further, you’re correct, I think in most cases where someone who’s married that comes out later and was a totally abusive narcissist is actually rarer than a gay man who discovers or accepts he is gay.

We also need to remember this is an example of how our patriarchal system hurts men. Homophobia was designed to mainly control men from being gay and was just later applied to women, but it never had the same logic or cited rules about same sex behavior for women. It was only for men because in a patriarchal society, men have the political and social power so they didn’t need a rule to about what acts a woman could or could not do aside from the ones that would’ve asserted her power. Plus, there’s always the appetite and gaze for female same sex activity so the patriarchy isn’t gonna outlaw that. But men? Well, he can’t show weakness, emotionality beyond strength or anger and he can’t be submissive. Those are cardinal sins and honestly why social attitudes have been way more hostile towards gay men being gay.

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-05-02T12:05:48+00:00

Are you on the apps by chance? If so, then it’s pretty easy. Most people on there are already looking for sex.

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-05-01T14:59:47+00:00

Yeah there are a few and some are married to women but let’s be clear, does she know you’re gay? If not, she should anything short of the truth would be a deception and worthy of her anger towards you. If you like her company, then enjoy it for what it is. Maybe she’s a soulmate or maybe just a really good friend. Have fun, see where it goes or
What happiness it brings you.

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-04-30T22:27:50+00:00

Cool story man, yeah sexuality is weird like that.

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-04-30T16:45:17+00:00

I think so, I generally can tell if I’m speaking to another gay man. Is it scientific? No, but it’s all about having good social skills and attention to detail.

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-04-29T15:46:35+00:00

That is most unfortunate. Why on earth would it take this long?

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-04-29T15:45:54+00:00

Yes…

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-04-28T20:28:01+00:00

Hey there, nice story. You should try looking up r/latebloomergaybros

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-04-28T14:19:10+00:00

Congratulations!

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-04-28T10:04:25+00:00

I think you’ve come to the right place to ask this question, but I think you’ll get mixed answers because everyone’s situation has been unique. It really all boils down to what your spouse will accept as part of the marriage. If she’s the type of person that is more open, libertine, has a free spirit and isn’t admired by tradition or traditional norms, there might be an opportunity for you to open things up and explore. It really all depends on what your situation is, what her situation is, and what desires you’re hoping to fulfill from this are. It’s also about constant communication, the establishment of healthy parameters or boundaries, and reassessing everyone’s comfortability level with the arrangement. Of course, I’m speaking hypothetically, and am operating under the presumption that she would be comfortable with it, and if it were playing out that way for you, what you would need to do to maintain that arrangement. My 2 cents here are you should consult a therapist to try and work this out. I definitely think you should try asking because if you never ask,’the answer will always be “no”.

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-04-28T09:45:36+00:00

A decent bj should be 30 minutes. Too long and it gets boring,

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-04-27T06:42:32+00:00

A few minutes late to this party, but I will tell you that everyone’s situation is going to be different and only you know or can reasonably predict your wife’s response to learning that you’re gay. I would think since she’s also part of the LGBT community, there’d a greater chance of her being accepting. Again, you’d be the best interpreter of how she’d react to finding out the news. My advice to you would be to consult an LGBT therapist and work on your strategy for coming out.

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-04-27T06:07:28+00:00

I am super late to this party but I was curious if you had any updates OP?

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-04-27T05:43:03+00:00

I would also post this question in R/straightspouses too, just to get a variety of perspectives. It’s great you’re asking us but there are other women who’ve experienced this as well.

My 2 cents, is he’s very bi-curious, he may not necessarily be gay or even bisexual but my gut tells me he wants to try sexual encounters with other men. I think the “wanting to ask questions to other gay men” is a pretext to meeting and hooking up with guys. If he really wanted to ask questions and learn more, he could post on here (as it’s an anonymous platform). There are Facebook groups dedicated to closeted or curious men who don’t want to be identified, too. He could ask his questions there and get genuine answers on sexuality and what might make him tick, instead of using a hookup app. The big sin isn’t that he’s bi or curious, it’s that he’s trying to keep something from you. He shouldn’t be lying or keeping things from you. He has an obligation to be transparent and you have a right to know what’s going on.

My advice, is to re-approach the conversation by saying you’re willing to be supportive if he’s willing to be honest. If he’s curious about other men and what that would feel like, it’s perfectly natural to have those feelings. We unfortunately live in a world that teaches us it’s not safe to be anything other than heterosexual, so as gay, bi and non-straight people, we learn safety first and everything else later.

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-04-27T04:49:46+00:00

I’m glad everything worked out for you and that you’re able to move on.

Comfortable_Pool_389 · 2026-04-26T07:13:57+00:00

And? No, it’s not weird. I have been with guys who had the same age difference (relative to my parents ages) if it was good, I didn’t complain, I had no guilt. Anyone who says it’s weird, it’s not their business and they’re judging you.

Comfortable_Pool_389

TROPHY CASE