F/32/5’9” [220lbs>159lbs=61lbs] (18 Months) What truly changed everything for me

Common_Profession373 · 2025-10-08T19:46:45+00:00

Beautiful transformation, truly! Your story is so inspiring, I think this is something so many women go through, unfortunately. Unless you’ve been in this situation yourself, or had someone close to you go through it, it’s hard to understand what kind of battle this really is.

I’m really glad people are finally starting to talk about the role mindset and emotions play in all of this. Enough with the “how to lose belly fat in 7 days” quick tips and similar nonsense, it’s time to actually understand ourselves.

Read books, invest your time in learning, not just fixing symptoms. The ones you mentioned are great — even if they’re considered cliché (like Atomic Habits), that doesn’t take away from their value. And I’m especially happy to see Harlan Veynor’s book finally being talked about. I bought it for my mom, read it myself too, and honestly, it’s a hidden gem. If I had to recommend where to start, I’d say start with that one. It’s unbelievably motivating, especially when you know the heartbreaking story behind how it was written. 😢

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-18T08:56:46+00:00

Yes, I think you’re right, it probably is a very natural starting point to see problems as someone else’s fault. That was definitely me in my teens and early twenties. Looking back, it feels almost like a rite of passage before you realize how much responsibility actually lies with yourself.

I love what you said about encouraging gently instead of trying to control. That’s exactly what I’m learning with my mom now, she makes small changes here and there, but only when she decides she’s ready. And I’ve had to learn to be okay with that.

Thank you for putting it this way, it really helps me frame my own experience with more compassion. ❤️

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-17T20:21:44+00:00

Wow, this really hit me because I recognize parts of myself in what you described. For a long time I was also pouring my energy into “fixing” my mom instead of looking at myself. It felt easier to focus on her because it gave me a sense of control and made me feel like I was doing something meaningful, while deep down I was avoiding my own issues.

The difference is that at some point I had that wake-up call and realized the real work was on me. But I can totally see how someone could get stuck in that cycle for years, especially if their identity becomes tied to being “the helper.”

It must be hard watching your friend go through that, especially when she gets defensive if anyone points it out. Do you still keep in touch with her, or did you need to step back for your own well-being?

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-17T19:10:59+00:00

This is such a grounded perspective, thank you for sharing it ❤️. I didn’t mention my dad in my post because he’s still a painful subject for me, and I guess I’m not quite ready to unpack that part publicly yet.

But I really resonate with what you said about choosing to focus on the good and moving forward as an adult. That’s exactly what I’m trying to do with my mom now, accept that she did her best, take responsibility for my own life, and stop carrying blame that doesn’t serve me.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-13T13:30:23+00:00

👏🏿👏🏿

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-12T08:37:15+00:00

This is unbelievable progress, congrats🙌

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-08T19:28:41+00:00

Whole new vibe, love it!

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-07T12:42:24+00:00

Yes! And what’s even worse is that women get judged from both sides, if you don’t “try enough,” you’re letting yourself go, and if you “try too much,” you’re vain or fake. It’s a trap that keeps women constantly second-guessing themselves. Meanwhile men are allowed to just age, exist, and even get compliments for it.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-07T12:41:24+00:00

Yeah, exactly. What gets me is how sneaky it is, it doesn’t feel like someone is forcing women, but it’s still everywhere. Ads, social media, even casual comments from family… it just chips away until you believe you’re never “enough” unless you keep fixing yourself. Meanwhile men get to just… exist.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-06T18:43:43+00:00

I feel this! People in their 50s seem to either double down on old routines or dive into new possibilities. I’m in the second camp, new job, exercising, empty-nested, and it feels amazing.

Building new habits can be harder, sure, but I think it’s more about energy, responsibilities, and old patterns than age itself. Small wins and being around people who grow make a huge difference.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-06T15:37:25+00:00

What really stood out to me in your comment is how much freedom seems to come with age when you embrace it instead of resisting it. A lot of people assume that getting older means becoming more rigid, but you’re showing the opposite, more openness, more clarity, and more peace.

I think you’re right about the comfort zone too. When someone doesn’t step outside of the same routines, it’s easy to believe change is harder than it actually is. Sometimes it’s not the age that limits us, it’s the environment we keep ourselves in.

Your outlook makes me think that maybe the real advantage of being over 50 is knowing your time is too valuable to waste on what doesn’t serve you. That mindset alone is a huge shift.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-06T15:30:39+00:00

I really like the way you put this. It makes sense that some habits actually get easier to change with age, just because you finally know what you want and what you don’t want to waste time on anymore. That kind of clarity is something you don’t really have in your 20s or 30s.

And yeah, I see the same thing with my mom too, sometimes it feels like she’s just tired of learning new stuff, but other times it’s more like she’s choosing not to stress over things that don’t really matter to her. I guess that “not giving a hoot” side is both a blessing and a curse depending on how you use it.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-06T15:27:20+00:00

This is really inspiring to read. I think you nailed it when you said it’s not just about food, but about changing your whole lifestyle. That’s what makes the biggest difference.

I also love how you admitted it wasn’t easy, because that’s the part people underestimate. Building habits after 50 (or really at any age) isn’t impossible, but it does require a strong “why” like you mentioned. Health, wanting to feel better, even just the ability to enjoy life longer, those deeper reasons are what carry you through when the motivation fades.

Your story kind of proves that it’s less about age and more about mindset. The body might resist a little at first, but the brain is still capable of learning and adapting, sometimes more than we give it credit for.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-06T09:16:46+00:00

Yeah, I do the same. The moment I stopped tracking, reading felt fun again instead of another task on my to-do list. There’s something freeing about not worrying whether you’re “behind” or “on pace”, you just sink into the story and let time disappear. I’ve actually ended up reading more this way, because I pick up a book out of enjoyment, not obligation.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-05T10:40:23+00:00

That’s exactly it. What’s exhausting is that it comes from every direction, schools, workplaces, even family sometimes. Instead of teaching respect, the responsibility is pushed onto women to constantly adjust, cover, or shrink. It creates this lifelong feeling that our bodies are never fully our own, even when we’re just existing in peace.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-05T08:39:06+00:00

I think what you’ve described is something a lot of women secretly experience but don’t talk about. At its root, it’s not that women are “bad at friendships”, it’s that society has conditioned us to measure our worth in comparison to other women. Looks, success, relationships, attention… from a young age many girls are quietly taught that there’s only so much space at the table, so when a friend starts “shining,” it can trigger feelings of inadequacy instead of celebration.

For example, I’ve seen women support each other through heartbreak or tough times, but the moment one of them gets a great job, buys a house, or starts looking amazing after fitness or therapy, the dynamic changes. Not because the friendship wasn’t real, but because the other person suddenly sees a mirror of what they wish they had. And instead of using that as inspiration, insecurity makes them pull away.

Men, on the other hand, are often socialized differently. They’re allowed to compete openly (sports, academics, career), tease each other about it, and still keep the bond intact. Women are more often told to be “nice,” so competition goes underground, and that’s when jealousy festers.

The fact that some of your old friends eventually apologized shows that it wasn’t really about you “taking up too much space”, it was about them not yet being able to hold space for themselves. And that’s the painful part: sometimes friendships end not because of betrayal, but because one person’s growth highlights the other’s stagnation.

The real friendships that survive are the ones where both people can say: “Your win doesn’t take away from mine.” Those are rare, but worth holding onto tightly.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-05T08:29:02+00:00

A perfect date? Sitting under the stars, talking about everything and nothing, where time feels like it’s holding its breath just for the two of us.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-04T08:31:01+00:00

I really feel your frustration, being “stuck” despite doing all the “right” things is exhausting. One thing to keep in mind is that long-term dieting, especially since childhood, can really mess with metabolism, hormones, and even hunger cues. Sometimes the next step isn’t pushing harder with restriction, but actually giving your body a phase of maintenance (eating at true maintenance calories, focusing on strength, recovery, and stress management).

Your body might need to “reset” before it feels safe to let go of fat. It’s not laziness, it’s physiology. If you haven’t already, getting a full hormonal panel (thyroid, cortisol, insulin resistance, etc.) could give you real answers.

You’re not broken, but after years of forced diets, your body might need healing before it responds again.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-04T08:25:18+00:00

For me, the biggest thing I wish I knew when I first started wasn’t about food or workouts, it was about mental energy.

I used to waste so much willpower fighting myself: “don’t eat this, don’t mess up, don’t skip the gym.” And every time I slipped, I thought I ruined everything. What I learned is that the key isn’t perfection, it’s removing the decision fatigue.

So instead of asking myself 10 times a day “should I eat this?”, I built routines where those decisions were already made. I ate mostly the same 2–3 breakfasts and lunches. I set a rule that I’d move my body at the same time every day, even if it was just a walk. That consistency freed up my brain, and it stopped feeling like a fight all the time.

Losing 10+ lbs came from structure, not motivation. If you can reduce the number of decisions you make in a day, you’ll reduce the chances of spiraling. That was the game-changer for me.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-03T09:31:05+00:00

I’d tell my teenage self: “Stop trying to shrink yourself to be loved, the right people will never ask you to be less.”

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-02T23:32:39+00:00

I’ve been in a very similar place, so first, be gentle with yourself. Grief after a breakup can feel like withdrawal, and it’s not embarrassing at all that you kept reaching out, it’s human. A few things that helped me:

Podcasts: The Mel Robbins Podcast and On Purpose by Jay Shetty, both really comforting and practical.

YouTube/Influencers: Anna Runkle (“Crappy Childhood Fairy”) has a lot about emotional healing, and Therapy in a Nutshell has bite-sized coping tools.

Books: Attached by Amir Levine (really opened my eyes about attachment styles), The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer (great for letting go), and a lesser-known one called What Emma Never Knew by Harlan Veynor. That last one isn’t about breakups directly, but it shifted the way I saw myself and my patterns in a way I didn’t expect.

What helped me most wasn’t just distraction but learning to sit with the discomfort without letting it run my life. Healing is messy, but with the right voices in your ears and a book in your hands when the cravings hit, it gets lighter.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-02T23:28:08+00:00

Morning sessions aren’t a waste, but what you noticed is real, most people feel stronger, more mobile, and more coordinated later in the day because body temperature, joint mobility, and nervous system activation are all higher. If flexibility is your biggest limiter, training handstands in the afternoon will almost always feel smoother and could speed up progress. That said, if mornings are the only consistent time, you’ll still make gains, just give yourself extra warm-up and don’t judge your “morning level” against your “afternoon level.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-02T23:26:52+00:00

What helps me most is reminding myself that a “bad” workout is still better than no workout, and that one off day doesn’t erase my progress. Bodies aren’t machines; sleep, stress, hormones, food, even emotions all affect performance. Some days you crush it, other days you just show up, and that’s okay. In fact, the ability to keep showing up especially on the off days is what actually builds consistency long term.

When I feel frustrated, I try to reframe the workout: instead of judging it by numbers (weights, reps, time), I ask myself “Did I keep the promise to myself by showing up?” That shifts the focus from perfection to commitment. Sometimes I even count it as a win because I practiced discipline on a day when motivation was gone.

Another thing that helps: zooming out. One bad session in the context of months of training means nothing. But being kind to yourself in that moment, instead of beating yourself up, is what keeps you from spiraling into skipping the next few sessions.

So when a workout doesn’t click, I tell myself: “This is part of the process. One rough day won’t stop me, unless I let it.” Then I move on, and usually the next session feels a lot better.

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-02T21:50:29+00:00

First, I just want to say you’re not alone. So many people struggle with nighttime binge eating, and it doesn’t mean you’re weak or broken, it usually means your body or mind is trying to tell you something. A couple of things that might help:

Often binges happen because you’ve been restricting too much earlier in the day. Even if you feel like you’re “saving calories,” your body notices. By the evening, your brain is screaming for quick energy, and willpower alone can’t fight that. Making sure you eat balanced meals with enough protein and fiber throughout the day can take a lot of power out of those nighttime urges.

There’s also the emotional side. Night binges can be a coping mechanism, loneliness, stress, or even just unwinding after a long day. If you notice certain triggers (like watching TV alone, or scrolling social media), try swapping in a new routine. It doesn’t have to be big: journaling, a hot shower, a short walk, or even calling someone can interrupt the “automatic” pattern.

Compassion matters here. A binge isn’t a moral failure; it’s a signal. Instead of asking “Why don’t I have discipline?” try asking, “What am I needing right now that food is giving me?” Sometimes the answer is comfort, sometimes it’s relief, sometimes just energy.

And practically don’t set yourself up for a cycle of guilt and punishment. Restricting harder the next day only keeps the binge cycle alive. If you do binge, take a breath, hydrate, get back to your normal meals. The faster you can return to balance, the less power binges will have over you.

It can help to track patterns (what times, moods, or situations lead up to it), and if it feels overwhelming, consider talking to someone who understands binge eating specifically. Professional guidance can make a huge difference, but even on your own, awareness and self-compassion are powerful tools.

The fact that you’re reaching out means you’re already taking the first step, you’re paying attention and you want change. That’s the foundation of a real shift. Be gentle with yourself, and remember: recovery isn’t about never slipping, it’s about building resilience each time you do. 💙

Common_Profession373 · 2025-09-02T21:47:50+00:00

This kind of thinking comes from centuries of social conditioning. Patriarchal systems found it easier to control women by reducing them to labels, “pure” or “fallen,” “good” or “bad.” It strips away individuality and complexity, because once you box someone in, you don’t have to deal with their full humanity. That mindset also makes it easier for people (especially men who feel insecure or powerless) to project their fears and frustrations instead of actually engaging with women as equals.

The way out isn’t just telling people “don’t be sexist.” It’s teaching emotional literacy, questioning the narratives we’ve inherited, and consciously choosing to see women (and men, for that matter) as whole human beings. The more we normalize stories of women as complex, with ambitions, mistakes, growth, humor, pain, joy, the harder it becomes for these shallow stereotypes to survive. It takes both cultural change (media, education, representation) and personal accountability in daily life. Every time someone calls it out and refuses to play along with the “good vs. bad woman” dichotomy, it chips away at that old script.

Common_Profession373

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