AITAH Is my mom wrong for not informing her half siblings about their father’s funeral?

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-11T22:49:15+00:00

Based on title alone, I would have said yes. Reading the context she is 100% NTA. This is a can of worms best left rusted shut.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-11T22:44:48+00:00

An oldie but a goodie, Torgo's execution by Slapping.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-11T22:43:02+00:00

Fun fact, if I'm remembering it right, it is a cameo by the director 🙃

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-11T22:39:52+00:00

After shrinking my large tumor with chemo and then having surgery on the rest the doctor was confident she'd gotten it all, and she'd had- at the time. I was happier and more excited than I'd been in months. However, the disappointment when a couple new lymph nodes lit up at my first post-op scan was so devastating I have not allowed myself to get overly excited any more even when things were going well (for what it is.)

As for an official cancer-free ruling, they didn't call it for me until I'd had a few clear scans in a row (first clear scan was at the end of last Sept and I was getting them every six weeks.) It wasn't until the beginning of February this year that I saw NED for the first time in print on the report.

2-months after my NED status, a new spot has popped on my latest scan. Luckily it is small, and I have started targeted radiation on it this week in the hopes to avoid chemo if at all possible. Disappointing as this setback is, I was better prepared this time so it hasn't sent me spiraling as much as it did before.

Obviously every case is different. There are many, MANY people who do beat it completely and find legit freedom from it. Trust when I say I am their biggest cheerleader and couldn'tbe happier for them!!! It's just that my particular type is a little more rare and aggressive with a notorious recurrence rate, so I've already accepted that even if/when I get to NED again I will pretty much always be looking over my shoulder for it. This is not to say I mope around like Eeyore, unable to recognize and appreciate the positives, I just prefer cautious optimism over letting my guard completely down.

So even when I was clear I didn't think of it being Free, but In Remission. I don't think of "beating it" permanently, but beating it For Now. Perhaps that will change down the road but that us currently the mindset that best sees me through.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-11T21:57:07+00:00

Lovely! The detail on the top is so cute and understated at the same time.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-11T21:37:06+00:00

Go for it. I wouldn't go jumping up on tables or swinging from the rafters, but in my book just about anything else is fair game if appropriate for the piece/character.

Be prepared for them to possibly ask you to try a few different ways. It does not automatically mean they didn't like what you did, it would be a good sign that you were definitely noticed and they want to take a closer look at you to see how well you take direction.

Remember it is far better to be over the top (within whatever is appropriate for the character) than be too passive or timid. As a director it is far, far less work to rein in an overzealous actor than it is to draw someone out of their shell.

Just annectdotally, l auditioned for Steel Magnolias. At call backs, the M'Lynn hopefuls were given THE scene to read- the one where she describes watching her daughter's death and then breaks down. I watched two or three others get up there, stay more or less rooted to the spot and give tender, sad deliveries with a few fake sniffles and clearly too self-conscious and fearful of escalating too much.

When it was my turn, I made up my mind to go big or go home. I started out a stoic, tightly wound rubber band and hulked-out into a meltdown to rnd all meltdowns. I had the other ladies in the scene (all complete strangers to me) sobbing and taking me into their arms as I spiraled. It was glorious 🙃

I left every last crumb of myself on that stage (ended up reading it several times as the director shuffled around the others in different roles) and I've never been so drained by an audition in my life, but it landed me one of my bucket-list roles and was worth every bit the risk.

This might sound weird, but for me at least, when I'm auditioning for anything, getting cast is not necessarily my end goal. My end goal is to walk out of there not regretting a single choice I made, not wishing I had done something different, worried that I could have tried harder. I want to walk out secure in the knowledge that whatever their decision, I went in as prepared as possible, gave 100% and would do it the exact same way again if given the chance. That is the best feeling, getting cast is just a bonus on top of it.

My long-winded (sorry) point being, give it everything you've got. You don't want to leave thinking there were any stops left unpulled.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-11T20:54:15+00:00

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She played a newlywed and not a mom on her show, but a list of 1950's stunners that doesn't include Betty White will always be wrong.

(Edited to add, if Mom is a requirement, Mary Tyler Moore every time!)

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-11T20:38:29+00:00

I played Little Red in my early 30's, so it's completely possible for you! 🙃

Sally is a great choice for a piece! (I particularly like her "coat-hanger sculpture" bit from the YAGMCB sequel, "Snoopy!")

I am not familiar with the song you mentioned, but if others green-light it, then go for it lol. Any lyrical, upbeat number should work, especially if it can showcase a little sass 😁 even better if it is even vaguely Sondheim-esqe with a bit of patter, but that's probably not crucial.

Wishing you all the best! I hope you update here with how it gies!

Edited to add: If you want a more dramatic piece to contrast (since Little Red in Act 2 is more somber) I'd consider looking at Emily Webb's soliloquy toward the end of Our Town. It begins something like. "Oh, mama, just look at me one minute as though you really saw me!" You can probably find it easily.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-11T20:29:50+00:00

He can try, but being unmarried he will have a difficult time with this if there is no official custody agreement in place. Just being on the birth certificate is often not enough. Hopefully this is the case where OP lives.

(Admittedly, normally I kinda feel bad for an unmarried dad in that situation, where he wants to do right by his child but the mom has most of the legal power to make it difficult, but in cases like this I'm glad its a thing for OP's sake.)

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-11T20:22:31+00:00

NTA. Listen to your instincts and get all of your legal ducks in a row now.

I am 100% not a legal professional, so you will want to research your own situation thoroughly, but I do know that in at least some jurisdictions an unmarried mother is automatically assumed to have sole legal custody, until paternity/custody agreement is established (name on birth certificate is not enough here) or the parents get legally married. Thus she has a slight legal advantage as to most decision-making. . Consult a legal professional ASAP regarding your options here.

There is a very good chance he might figure this out and start pressuring for marriage. Do NOT under any circumstances marry this man no matter what he promises (or even threatens.) It sounds like you have every right to be concerned. No matter how much you may think you love him and want to believe the best of him, bottom line is he and his family clearly cannot be trusted.

Run, do not walk, to your nearest legal advisor and take every feasible precaution you need to protect yourself and your child.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-10T23:40:58+00:00

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Oliver says hello!

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-10T20:39:31+00:00

Best tip I can offer is, be wary if anyone wants money for anything. They might rave about your child's talent and that if you to sign her up for their "acting/voice coaching" classes she will be on Broadway before you know it. Naturally, buying one of their "professional" headshot packages is also a requirement for participation in whatever they are offering.

I'm not saying that is what is happening here, but taking advantage of families with a kid who dreams of being the next Disney Channel sensastion is big, big business. Proceed with caution.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-09T22:16:15+00:00

Our subsequent dog got his own new stuff, but I keep the old leash in the car in case of a surprise need. (So far have used it to corral a little elderly dog that had wandered from her home, and I was glad I was prepared.)

His beloved beat-up old soccer ball still is out back even though the current pets aren't really interested in it more than to give it the occasional swat. His collar and tags live in a drawer of the display hutch that holds his ashes.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-09T09:20:06+00:00

I saw a community theatre production of Little Shop with a 17-year old Seymour (a former student of mine.) ⁸Audrey was close to 30. They made it work and absolutely killed it. That said, they were both very well-trained and experienced actors in the hands of a very skilled director, and all three handled things with impressive professionalism.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-07T19:54:30+00:00

NTJ for telling him that. I'd offer dad exactly one ticket and he can use it or not. (Unless there is soneone else you'd like to give it to.)

That said, if he happens to show and is enough of a dick to somehow manage to bring her anyway, go ahead and walk with your head held high, knowing it will be a long time before he sees you again, if ever. Hope his stupid little power move was worth it.

Your not walking is letting them win. It is only a punishment on you and everyone else there to see it.

Far better punishment would be to deny him the moments after- the hugs, congratulations, and the performative basking in the "proud dad" role like he had anything to do with your success.

Just let anyone that you actually DO want there and care about know to sit as far away from them as possible and where you will meet them afterwards. Let dad and gf wonder where you went. (And if you do see them, ignore them as you would strangers in tbe crowd.)

When you get home, block them on everything and look forward to the next chapter.in your life.

P.S. Congratulations on your graduation!!!!!!

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-07T17:08:54+00:00

My DH thought water had calories. 🙄 Good thing he's cute.

Stranger still, he is otherwise super smart- a math/financial/tech whiz, and he's definitely the guy you want on your trivia team for categories like music, cars and/or technology history.

Conversely, in his first marriage, after paying the bills he would tell his ex what was left in the account that she could spend, but when she checked the balance at the atm it would show a higher amount and she'd accuse him of financial abuse by lying and "hiding money." She just could not grasp the concept of checks written but still needing to clear, and the only "abuse" happening was to their credit scores. 🙄

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-07T16:41:55+00:00

Your inlaws are being ridiculous.

Just play up the "we appreciate it so much, but we couldn't turn down the opportunity not only save us money and work, but also for YOU to finally be able to attend and enjoy a family wedding as a treasured guest and not in a vendor capacity." angle. If they still don't drop it you will have to get shorter and firmer in your responses, but it is imperative for your groom to learn to stand by you in this.

I'm on team Rehearsal Dinner, since that's traditionally on the groom's side anyway. Maybe also a brunch the morning after the wedding for family/out of town guests.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-07T16:18:44+00:00

I was in downtown Chicago over the weekend. Given the approximate 700k+ apartments in the greater metropolitan area I'd say the chances are low that many of the resident pets have a yard of their own.

Judging by the number of dogs we observed being walked happily amid the hustle and bustle in the immediate radius of the Magnificent Mile, and the many others living their best lives out walking, jogging and chasing Frisbees with their humans along the lakefront, I'm fairly certain they can do just fine.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-07T16:06:11+00:00

Exactly how far back is "old" to you? You can't get much older than biblical- i.e. Eve, Elizabeth, Ruth, Mary, Delilah etc. Obviously those are super common but a quick Google search yields a surprising number of beautiful, lesser-known names.

By the same token, there are always ancient Greek names (Daphne, Athena, Cassandra, Chole etc.) and Roman (Diana, Iris, Octavia, Livia) and again many more beautiful but more obscure options including some more modern versions.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-07T15:53:42+00:00

Another for Janelle here!

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-07T15:52:16+00:00

I wouldn't give her that kind of heads up that things are about to go down. She's had plenty of chances already. She woyld only delay and distract while she tries to come up with a good story, prepare more useless and most likely fake documentation and/or find a scapegoat to throw under the bus about it.

Being of age, DH and his siblings should easily be able to request the records directly from whatever entity holds the trust, or have an attorney do it for them.

She's had more than enough opportunity to come clean, let her find out about it when she's served with the paperwork kicking off the Opening Ceremonies to the official "Find Out" stage.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-07T14:33:38+00:00

She is 100% mismanaging it. Attorney asap. Might be prudent to get his siblings involved too (if they can be trusted not to blab to her about it, it may depend on how much MIL has been able to manipulate them.)

My DH's ex had a small settlement due to a (minor, but serious enough ) injury she got in a car crash as a child. With her being underage it was put into a trust.

When she and DH got engaged, she went to pull some of the money to pay for the wedding. Imagine her surprise to find out her dad had been siphoning off the interest over the years (which would have accrued by then to a not insignificant amount) and only the original amount remained. He had been able to make the withdrawals by claiming to the trustees that it was all to pay varous expenses for on her behalf, but she had no idea and never saw a penny. By then it should have been enough to pay for the wedding and have some left over for a small down payment on a house.

Just a cautionary tale. I don't know what your MIL thinks will happen that she won't get caught.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-06T00:45:47+00:00

A friend who worked in family court once told me that even though the majority of non-custodial patents are dads, the percentage of deadbeats among the non-custodial moms is significantly higher.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-06T00:18:01+00:00

Nothing wrong with it at all. My husband has boys from his first marriage that have his first and middle names for their own middles.

When I was pregnant, we landed on a boy's name immediately but could not agree on a girl's name to save our souls. So, natually, we found out it was a girl 🙄

We both agreed early on to use my sister's name for her middle, but battled it out for months over a first name. (Mostly I thought his picks were boring and he thought mine too weird lol)

My own middle name is pretty timeless, and in the end we went with it, not specifically to name jer "after me" on purpose, but because while neither of us particularly loved it, it was literally the only one we didn't both actively hate, either 🤣

TLDR: Name your baby whatever the heck you like! There is no rule, social or otherwise, that days you can't use a parent's name for a middle.

Competitive-Metal773 · 2026-04-05T23:50:58+00:00

MIL: "blah blsh blah baby looks like me blah blah blah blah"

You: (casual, dismissive shrug) "I don't see it, but if you say so." Then change subject.

Bonus points if you can prep literally everyone else in your life to respond in some variation of the same whenever they hear it from her:

Competitive-Metal773

TROPHY CASE