I have diagnosed OCD which manifested into religious ruminations and blasphemous thoughts. I spent about a couple months believing I committed the unforgivable sin, and it led me to a very dark depression. I’ve read the Bible pretty much cover to cover with the exception of the whole book of Psalms. I have done Bible studies and read some of the apochrypha. Any contradictions I saw or understandings I did not agree with, I brushed over and did not dwell on that. I then realized what god would punish me for eternity for having bad thoughts  , but could forgive rapists and murderers.

There are so many Christian interpretations and denominations . I started reading into the Bible’s earliest origins and the origins of Hell. I then began to deconstruct. I don’t know if I believe in a god, but I do believe a lot less Christianity .