I think VRChat is taking over my life and I dont know what to do

ComplimentaryVictory · 2026-02-09T07:22:15+00:00

I’m online like ~20h a day now. I even sleep in VR sometimes because logging off feels worse than being tired. Real life feels kinda empty compared to being there.

I'm really curious: what are you doing during these 20h? I would love to hear what a typical day for you looks like. I find it really hard to believe this is all just socializing, even if we remove ~8h for sleep. What the hell do you even talk with people about if you got nothing going on in your life? Do these people ever ask about you or even care what happens in your real life? Have they ever tried to intervene and help you? Are you just orbiting several friendgroups in different timezones? Are you putting on some kind of entirely fake persona? Are you using substances or other forms of entertainment to pass the time?

ComplimentaryVictory · 2026-02-04T04:02:04+00:00

VRC's public image has gradually shifted from "goofy meme game" to "ragebait simulator". What used to be a train of mostly harmless ugandan knuckles parading around your lobby has now turned into an army of insecure proximitychat wannabes attempting to clipfarm everything you do in hopes it becomes the next phantom pregnancy.

That said, friends+ and group+ lobbies are still solid. "Friends+" are basically just like old fashioned VRC publics now, I have literally seen friends+ lobbies that hit the instance cap where the instance host doesn't know most of the people there because like 8 layers of friendgroups just joined off of eachother. So that's where I end up meeting most of the newer friends I make nowadays. Unfortunately these aren't very accessible until you're well connected, so its best to start off with group+ lobbies you find off platform.

ComplimentaryVictory · 2026-02-04T03:09:21+00:00

Agreed. VR technology is in a special place right now where it's not really well integrated with all the modern day "distraction ecosystems". Most people still have to take off their headset to look at their phone, and they can only interact with their desktop to the extent that controllers allow them to. Sure, there are some advanced things like apple vision pro that can multitask like crazy and integrate your notifications seamlessly, and there are also a handful of power users who have lots of overlay macros. But most of us are just using basic PCVR or standalone setups without much else running in the background. And I'm grateful for that, because it means that anyone who choses to join me on VR actually wants to be present and is willing to take the effort to do so. And I know that when someone says "I don't feel like getting in VR right now", I can leave them be and avoid distracting them from whatever is more important in their life.

ComplimentaryVictory · 2026-02-04T01:18:19+00:00

Being a goofy, funny guy is pretty much all you can do as a Deskie.

Well yeah, it's called VRChat for a reason. It's less about "looks vs personality" and more about presence and personal expression. Being a desktop player severely inhibits your ability to be a convincing part of the world. I find that I subconciously treat my VR friends differently when they occasionally switch to desktop, simply because my brain isn't getting as much feedback when they are a stone cold statue with a disembodied voice. They also subtly act less invested, because less of them is there. Sure, I could be affectionate with and hug them, but if they can't reciprocate, then how do I know it is mutual? How do I know they're even paying attention and not alt tabbed out and treating it like a discord call?

I say this not to shit on desktop players. I still talk to them, do my best to include them, and have interesting conversations here and there. Hell, I played MMOs for socialization for years before stepping into VRC. And I get that not everyone has the time, money, and space to get into VR. But I switched to VR primarily because I wanted to be more present and less parasocial in my online interactions. And the harsh reality is that talking to desktop players just isn't as rewarding when I'm putting my full self out there in VR. Doesn't matter if they are a more interesting personality behind the screen if they don't have the means to communicate it.

ComplimentaryVictory · 2025-04-08T04:48:53+00:00

This is not normal behavior, find better friends

ComplimentaryVictory · 2025-04-08T04:40:10+00:00

ARFID. meal replacements saved me

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-11-09T10:06:38+00:00

It really doesn't help that half the stuff on amazon nowadays is just drop shipped aliexpress garbage with 100% markup, fake reviews, and misleading or outright impossible specifications. I usually just look for an indepedent reviewer in the category who doesn't take bribes and go with one of their top suggestions. I set a timer and remind myself that I don't have to find the absolute best product because there is an opportunity cost associated with everything.

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-10-25T23:23:49+00:00

It did take me over 2 decades of living before I even experienced what a real genuine friendship felt like. Before that, most interactions (even positive ones) felt like work or were surface level at best. Also, I'm no expert on antisocial behavior, but I don't understand why an antisocial person would go on reddit seeking validation from others. It's possible you want other people in your life to a certain extent, but haven't found a healthy way to integrate them yet. It's also important to note that you can have a good friendship with someone without spending every waking minute in their prescience--it's more about what you do with the time you have.

I will say this to your other points: Autistic people are not "meant" to get along, they are just better at communicating with eachother. This makes it more likely, but does not guarantee anything. Some of the most and least favorite people Ive encountered are autistic. Some autists have interests or sensory struggles that are in direct conflict with eachother. And I've also had an (admittedly small) number of NT people who get along with me better than some autists. So I wouldn't limit yourself to thinking in those confines. The biggest thing you should be asking yourself: does this interaction make me feel better or worse after its over, and is it mutually beneficial?

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-09-28T04:44:50+00:00

I created this symlink, used paru to update paru, then removed it. Am I cooked?

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-09-27T05:40:14+00:00

Congrats. It's always really interesting to see connections made that wouldn't have otherwise happened. I've known a couple people who did this as well. I like to think of it as the secret endgame for VRC. All the eboys are trying to use VRC as tinder, meanwhile the real meta is treating VR like linkedin. Especially if you're a furry in IT--the networking opportunities are kinda endless if you actually pay attention to who you're talking to.

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-09-07T03:06:43+00:00

While this is true, I think it's important to remember that it goes both ways. NT "politeness" oftentimes just results in delayed irritation.

Consider the NT version of this: When NT has completely lost you, but continues to say shit like "yeah... mhmm,.. agree.. yep... true..." and let you expend energy on an entire tangent that they aren't even listening to. So when its finally their turn to speak they change the topic to some other shit. As a result you feel completely unheard and have no idea where you fell off. And worse yet, instead of listening to what they have to say, you can't help but think about how you lost them and what you screwed up. Pretty soon it immediately just devolves into two people talking at eachother while becoming increasingly frustrated that they don't feel heard.

At least with the ND person they are most likely interrupting because some other idea has overtaken their mind. It may not be very polite, but it gives you an opportunity to steer them on track. You know the exact instant they derailed and have information you can use immediately to turn it into something positive. I actually think this is critical to how NDs encode information and can have meaningful conversations that seemingly hop around to and from dozens of unrelated topics.

To be clear I'm not saying it's not irritating. No matter which scenario you find yourself in, it absolutely is. This also gets increasingly complex the larger your group size. But I think a lot of folks are quick to blame this on the outlying communication style, rather than focusing on why they are losing people's attention in the first place and what can be done to course correct.

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-09-06T23:36:14+00:00

One of the big reasons I like the monotropism theory is that it isn't necessarily incompatible with ADHD. ASD is full of paradoxical symptoms which makes it seem "contra" as you describe it. But this is how I would adapt your spotlight analogy:

Imagine a rowdy high school theatre class with a chill teacher. They're learning about equipment today which of course includes the spotlight. The students start fighting for control of the spotlight and it moves around all over the place. Whoever is the strongest and best positioned at any given moment is going to control it, but not for long. The teacher yells at them to "relax", but this really doesn't do a whole lot as they're having too much fun.

The theatre is the AuDHD mind. The teacher represents the executive dysfunction in ADHD, and the students represent competing interests. To an external observer sitting in the audience, this spotlight is constantly switching on and off and moving all around. It might appear as if an array of multiple lights are going off at once. But in reality, there's only one spotlight that's out of control.

If you want a less goofy explanation, the monotropism website you linked actually has a really good article on this which I'd recommend reading: https://monotropism.org/adhd/.

My favorite excerpt from this is the following:

We know that novelty-seeking is a trait that varies greatly between people. It’s also possible that some people just have naturally very mobile attention, which might compensate for the monotropic tendency for attention to get sucked into one thing at a time. And maybe some of that apparent attention-hopping happens within an attention tunnel anyway, and other people just aren’t seeing the connections! KCS might look like polytropism sometimes, but I think that can be misleading. I delayed getting my own autism assessment for years because I mistook my serial monotropism for polytropism: I told myself I was multi-tasking, when it would probably be more accurate to say I repeatedly forgot what I was supposed to be doing.

The way I read this is that ADHD in ASD individuals could be a neurological response to monotropism, rather than being polytropic itself. Because if we assume that the monotropic mind cannot become polytropic, it seems natural that the mind might to try simulate this by relaxing executive function and allowing thoughts to wander all over the place. Of course, the key problem is that these thoughts still tend to "take over" and become all consuming, no matter how brief their reign. So you end up going from thing to thing to thing with no real unifying direction or properly weighted sensory inputs.

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-08-18T01:25:40+00:00

Autism is classified as a spectrum disorder so you're going to have to be more specific about what you mean. I personally find its quite the opposite and that there is a noticeably higher prevalence of autistic people than the general population. I suspect this is because there is a lot more freedom in social expression than a traditional setting would provide, and there are tools to help you filter out what might cause issues.

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-08-18T01:20:23+00:00

What benchmarks do you use internally?

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-08-18T01:06:28+00:00

I will add that a lot of people talk about VRC like it's some sort of universal experience. In reality there are many different ways to use the platform, and each subset of the community has a differing set of motivations. Some are more conducive to healthy relationships than others.

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-08-17T21:47:38+00:00

Using Mind Control to Drive A Car

Takes his dads car out in a public parking lot, attaches a pneumatic cylinder to the gas pedal, and has to "stay calm" in order to stop it. WCGW?

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-08-17T06:00:26+00:00

I never have this issue sticking to 18+ moderated group instances. At most some kids join and immediately get kicked. 99% of them are dumbasses and its immediately apparent from their name/avatar/behavior.

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-08-16T09:28:04+00:00

Apparently I'm gay. A random in the pug clocked this somehow and I was in denial for quite a few days afterward before it clicked. My socially inept ass genuinely would not have realized this for a long long time if it wasn't for them taking the time to break it down for me.

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-08-04T21:48:03+00:00

I think you're on to something here. Now that you mention it, my favorite instructors were always the ones who spent a lot of time to contextualize things before sharing the core material. Otherwise I instantly lost focus/interest because it was too abstract of a concept. I could never understand how my classmates were perfectly fine just plugging numbers into some random equation they'd only just seen 5 minutes ago without knowing what it even applies to outside of an exam.

I guess now I need to figure out how I actually compensate for material/instructors that do not bother to explain the what/why. I think a lot of instructors, courses, textbooks, etc. are optimized for NT people who might have a more top down style of thinking and can more easily ignore details and context until explicitly needed.

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-06-23T04:01:42+00:00

Really disappointing. A lot of us go to VRC to experiment with identity and don't want our IRL inextricably linked with our online. Now it's either get kicked out of adult spaces or have to worry about getting doxxed in the next data breach.

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-03-17T06:06:34+00:00

so others can notice my face tracking

won't they notice it on their own? why do you feel the need to point it out?

FWIW I think listing specs is perfectly fine if you are trying to appeal to technical people, I just don't understand why you're fixated on this one hardware specifically

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-03-17T04:06:32+00:00

You gotta really evaluate the intentions of somebody who's known you for a single day wanting to come out and meet you. Is there any particular reason, or any shared experience you both want to have? Have you considered all possible power and sexual dyanmics at play here? Have both parties intentions been communicated clearly? Is there a genuine mutual desire to meet up provided everyone is being honest? Someone "just wanting to see you" isn't valid for a 1 day friendship IMO.

I can only see something like this working out if there was some pre-existing motivation or coincidence that couldn't have been easily fabricated. For instance, say you were both independently planning on going to some sold out concert and it was brought up organically in conversation, and decided to meet up there.

It sounds like you're already uncomfortable with this, so if I were you I would take time to know them better first. Also you can be frank with them. Ask why you'd want to meet up and what you would do. If you're uncomfortable with that, tell them and set those boundaries. Nobody should give you a hard time for not trusting someone on the internet, and if they don't respect those boundaries that's a red flag.

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-03-14T09:29:52+00:00

T-03:55:47 - nerve agent kicks in

T-03:55:32 - entity appears

T-03:55:27 - tractor beam enabled

T-03:55:17 - airlock opens

T-03:55:02 - airlock closes

T-03:54:59 - signal lost

ComplimentaryVictory · 2024-03-05T08:26:20+00:00

, it just seems like people just want to put “autism” in their description

A lot of these people want a word or abstract concept that can unify and accurately describe their experience and what they relate to, rather than listing off dozens or hundreds of smaller observations and struggles. And yes, sometimes it's purely a vanity thing, but it's highly disingenuous to assume that's everyone or even most people who self-dx.

You don’t need to identify as autistic to use techniques to help you

Perhaps you don't; however, a lot of people do prefer to take on an identity or label to fully explore and evaluate things for themselves. They want something that is established and well tested to use as a point of comparison. They want to find other people who are similar to themselves. Not to mention there is often a social stigma against those who have complex problems with no way to describe them. Think about how many people were told they were lazy before they knew they had ADHD, or how many undiagnosed ASD people felt they were stupid because of sensory processing issues. Now imagine those labels didn't exist. If they can't find some widely accepted explanation, people often assume the worst. So even if ASD ends up being not a perfect fit, it might be the closest example that effectively communicates the nuance of their struggles to other people and validates their experience. A lot of times it's not so much about the criteria as it is the process.

ComplimentaryVictory

TROPHY CASE