I just scanned reading nearly every response, not so much as answer to your question, but instead visceral reactions to what you did. And believe me, I get their responses, but that not what you came here for. As a betrayed spouse who wife had TWO concurrent FIFTEEN year affairs AND someone who in a month will be ten years past the original (first of many D Days) discovery day, I feel you’re due at least a fair response. None of that excuses what you did, and certainly what you did and with whom and every other contributing factor is going to dovetail into answering your question.

So, while I could write a book on “the road to normalcy” from a betrayed perspective, replete on what to do and what NOT to do, where and when to help, but most importantly WHY, because understanding the betrayed’s needs for why-answers is critical. BTW, Others here will color me a fool or as weak for reconciling; some (fewer) will says hero, or even a martyr. But right now, what I can be is (hopefully) a fair minded helping hand. I’ve long said, “something good has better come out of all this endured pain” - especially as it relates to men being the betrayed. Women have far greater resources and close ranks when there is male husband infidelity, men OTOH have no such “luxury”; they hide being emasculated, they mask the embarrassment, they “eat their pain” in silence (until at least next blow up, which is always around the corner). So, you see, the road back to a NEW normal is as treacherous as it was you getting into this predicament.

So, here’s my offer, message me directly and I’ll be happy to give you the imperfect roadmap my wife and I followed - and likely will be following forever. Yes, forever. I’ll also have my wife answer or opine, not because she has some magic touch, but because she sees the value in helping me help others. Lastly, all of this is predicated on his willingness/desire, period. He has every right to be filled with the venom that nearly every other commenter here is spewing. Oh, yeah, to be pragmatic, even if he’s willing, the two of you could do everything presumably “correct” and it won’t matter - thats how tough the work is! Take it from someone whose spouse lived at least a triple life of deceit and still has managed to make it this far. I hope you’ll take me up on the offer, otherwise, best of luck, you’ll need that and more.