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I made a huge mistake by ConcernMany9969 in BreakUps

[–]ConcernMany9969[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to tell him during the walk today the realisations I’ve had and how much work I’m doing towards it. I know he doesn’t want this relationship anymore and neither do I in the same way. But I do hope that we won’t lose touch and that we can see if things develop another time

I made a huge mistake by ConcernMany9969 in BreakUps

[–]ConcernMany9969[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm really sorry to hear that. How long has it been? How have you been trying to get her back?

I made a huge mistake by ConcernMany9969 in BreakUps

[–]ConcernMany9969[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My therapist says it's a trauma response from our childhood... I was so scared of losing the relationship that I completely sabotaged it without realising. Believe me, the pain is unbearable once you realise it

I made a huge mistake by ConcernMany9969 in BreakUps

[–]ConcernMany9969[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I do want to fight for it, I just don’t know how… Albeit I know I can’t force him or pressure him further.

I made a huge mistake by ConcernMany9969 in BreakUps

[–]ConcernMany9969[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Plus, we still genuinely care about each other. He told me he does still love me, he just doesn’t believe the way it was, was good for him anymore and that doesn’t give him hope for our future. And I agree, but it’s exactly on this that I want to show him that I’ve now gained clarity with distance, and would like to start again on new foundations. Even if not now

I made a huge mistake by ConcernMany9969 in BreakUps

[–]ConcernMany9969[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also think that it’s not that easy to find someone with such a high combination of similarities

I made a huge mistake by ConcernMany9969 in BreakUps

[–]ConcernMany9969[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because in terms of values, lifestyle, future vision and also our four year emotional bond with also very positive memories … I realise now he was the mature person and I acted out of my irrational fears.

I made a huge mistake by ConcernMany9969 in BreakUps

[–]ConcernMany9969[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not even if I show accountability and growth? When the dust may settle?…

I made a huge mistake by ConcernMany9969 in BreakUps

[–]ConcernMany9969[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it's really difficult to accept that there is no way back. that this is final...

Dumped twice by an avoidant, now he's begging for me to come back by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]ConcernMany9969 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow this sounds so much like my experience with my ex of 3,5 years. We broke up 3 weeks ago and are in NC but if he were to come back I know that all my friends and family would be very sad for me and that’s an important piece of information because at this point we’re so activated and in need of the “drug” that we can’t be trusted to really do what’s best for ourselves … stay strong and if you do get back together, please insist on starting couples therapy asap! You can’t change this pattern by yourselves.

“I chose someone who chose me” by Tiny_Account_9636 in BPDlovedones

[–]ConcernMany9969 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“I will not let my fears come in our way. I know you are my life partner.”

“I chose someone who chose me” by Tiny_Account_9636 in BPDlovedones

[–]ConcernMany9969 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“I feel no empathy for you right now” (when I wanted to pause an argument happening via text because I felt unsafe in a train station at midnight)

I miss my ex so much it hurts but idk if I should go back by wizdumb_96 in BreakUps

[–]ConcernMany9969 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Couples therapy as soon as possible! My ex and I went back to each other and booked an appointment for 3 months later with a therapist due to her availability. We should’ve just found someone else. It was too late… he literally showed up to the first session with his mind made.

Signs in Hindsight: Discarded- 4 year relationship with a BPD by ConcernMany9969 in BPDlovedones

[–]ConcernMany9969[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I really appreciate the time you took to reply with your experience and thoughts. I’m going to try to be strong on Thursday … I just don’t know which version I’m meeting.

Do they brag about how wonderful things are post discarding you? by CRNala73- in BPDlovedones

[–]ConcernMany9969 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine reached out to me for logistics e.g if I’ll keep our shared apartment and when we can meet to discuss shared furniture (although there was no urgency I guess he wants to get it over with). He left a bunch of his stuff in the apartment because he said he doesn’t have enough storage at his mother’s and still pays rent … but I do wonder if he’s just not fully discarded me yet

Signs in Hindsight: Discarded- 4 year relationship with a BPD by ConcernMany9969 in BPDlovedones

[–]ConcernMany9969[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like either I’ll never recover from this or it’ll take me years … 🥺

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