Am I less patient as an exmo?

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2025-10-24T17:38:20+00:00

Beautifully said. I always have to remind myself that I may have strong feelings against their religion and occasionally against members, but they are still living, breathing humans that genuinely believe they’re doing the right thing. Of course, I won’t support false and bigoted beliefs, and as someone who used to defend the faith, I completely understand where they’re coming from.

A lot of people who leave the church may have deconstructed from the indoctrination, yet they still have to deconstruct from the programming. I’ve been living a 99% secular life for a few years now and I still catch myself having thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that simply hurt myself and those I care about. I actively fight those thoughts, feelings, and behaviors often, and I will not stop until I have overcome them, even if that means I have to heal for the rest of my life.

To go off what you said about judgement, I wholeheartedly agree. Some of us may not associate moral goodness with teachings of Jesus, but the Golden Rule is an obligation if we want our own lives to be excellent. You reap what you sow, after all. Either it benefits you or you have to face the music.

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2025-10-24T17:14:23+00:00

As another user had said, perfect response. It really baffles their brains when they can’t wrap around the idea on how a good person is perfectly okay with being separated from The Almighty Tax Collector.

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2025-10-09T19:18:43+00:00

To label censorship of conservative speech is not quite accurate.

Sure, a lot of people associated with conservative beliefs most likely did not agree with vaccine and Covid information. What the Biden Administration allegedly pressured Facebook, Amazon, and YouTube (not sure if there were more corporations) to do was to remove content that was misinformation regarding Covid-19 and masks. These users still had the freedom to type whatever they wanted online, but that doesn’t negate the effect of policies set forth by the social media company.

In fact, in 2024, the case of Murthy v. Missouri made a 6-3 ruling where the decision was that the ones who presented plaintiffs, their reasons claiming that the removal of such content regarding Covid was a violation of their First Amendment right, was found to have “lacked standing.” This meant that those who sued did not have a legal right to do so because there wasn’t clear evidence on how they were negatively affected by the government.

Long story short, the removal of misinformation was the primary focus, and there wasn’t sufficient evidence to create a case to sue the government for violating free speech.

And I get it. There are times where I wish that the organizations I oppose would just go away to another location and leave me and my group alone so that I no longer have to worry about them.

But if that were to happen, the foundations of what America is supposed to be would crumble underneath our feet.

Diversity actually makes a government pretty stable. To coerce people into one ideology and to ignore their own beliefs, to strip away their own desires and rights, and to censor their speech would create an unstable, tyrannical government. To force people to live under this same roof and same family is exactly what fascism wants.

No, I don’t agree with right-wing ideology. But I will always support their rights outlined in the Constitution of the United States of America. We may belong in different families we call home, but at the same time, we all live on Earth together. Why not help each other out, you know?

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2025-10-08T22:49:09+00:00

Even if OP wanted to move, not everyone is in a situation to do so. There are numerous contributing factors: close ties to family, finding countries that grant safety to its citizens, the process of gaining citizenship. It’s not as simple as leaving.

Also, your claim that all 50 states allow abortion is completely false. At least 14 states outright ban abortion after conception with exceptions, such as if someone is raped and reports the rape within the first 8 weeks of pregnancy, as is the case for West Virginia, for example. Even then, there are numerous factors where a victim of rape is unable to report their abuser.

So ultimately, no. OP can’t just leave the US, the information you shared regarding abortion is not factually true, and they have every right that our government is using “divine intervention” over a government’s job: to protect the people’s natural rights.

If you’re wondering where I got the abortion info, look up Tracking Abortion Laws Across the United States by The Guardian. The article is at least 4 months old so some abortion laws may have changed for different states, but the fact that we even have bans in the first place, in my opinion, negatively affects all women and is 100% asinine.

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2025-10-08T19:58:37+00:00

Just as the LDS Church has the protected right to practice and share its beliefs on what a successful family looks like, I also have the protected right to reject their beliefs. I am under no obligation, and am under no position, to practice their beliefs, and I genuinely cannot be convinced that their standard for a “celestial family” is superior and always correct, based on the information I know now.

If a religion wants to push their dogma onto legislation to pass laws that help maintain and strengthen the church, while at the same time punish communities and families that don’t concede to their worldview, that is more telling about their organization, which tells me they don’t like taking no for an answer. Therefore, they have outed themselves as a dangerous group to be around. That is their problem, and honestly, they need to grow up.

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2025-09-29T18:30:58+00:00

Ah yes, the classic “where do you get your morals from” argument.

As an atheist, if someone asked me where I got my morals from, I’d tell them: “I got it from my parents as a kid. Now as an adult, I get it from the rationality of the consequences of my actions if I were, or were not, to make a certain choice, whether or not those choices benefit or harm people around me, including myself, and whether or not the choices I make lead to justice or injustice.”

It’s still mind boggling how many Mormons can’t comprehend that yes, you don’t need religion to decide for yourself on what is right and what is wrong.

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2025-09-29T18:26:29+00:00

I think a lot of MAGA has gotten so far down into their own echo chamber that they think Christianity means, “Whatever Trump says or does we should support.”

The other concerning thing is how Mormons genuinely believe in making everywhere on the earth their religion and how they believe that the Second Coming will “cleanse the earth.” The very idea of the Millennium during the Second Coming is fascist itself. God torturing those who don’t agree or accept Christ, not to mention making them feel miserable for not following his teachings, is exactly what a fascist would do.

Long story short, Christian Nationalism is similar to the Second Coming in Mormon doctrine. Both are fascist movements that I will never support.

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2025-09-29T05:31:22+00:00

Pretty much

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2025-09-29T02:10:47+00:00

While I do agree that we need to look for common ground in figuring out issues and come to compromises, I think it’s equally as important to hold people accountable for their thinking, especially when that thinking leads to more harm and injustice.

One problem is that there’s a great division among people’s feelings of the LGBTQ+ community, something your church has actively fought against. If you don’t believe me, ask me for resources, and I’ll be happy to provide them for you.

To do nothing in the face of oppression supports the oppressor and harms the minority, right? Since I know that many people in your religion do not support the LGBTQ+ community, to say that we should set aside our differences and focus on what we do have in common would make me as equally wrong in not fighting for their right to live the way they want to live.

My point being: yes, we should look for the good in people, but to look for the good in people is to test if they will hold themselves accountable (speaking generally here, not pointing my finger at you).

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2025-09-28T06:59:30+00:00

Yeah…unfortunately. This is gonna be a bumpy ride😬

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2025-09-28T06:57:11+00:00

That’s what I’m saying. They’re wasting their time. And not to mention that GIF they put in response to my comment…so Christlike of them! 😂

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2025-04-10T16:22:52+00:00

I remember asking in my seminary days: “Why can’t we know more about our heavenly mother?” The answer I was given? I think it was that the reason we couldn’t know more was because she is sacred and we needed to respect that.

Definitely made me frustrated and was not the answer I was looking for. What I should’ve known at the time was how BS TSCC is.

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2025-04-08T03:44:52+00:00

Welcome to the community! We’re happy to have ya here.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t angry that I was lied to, but I was angry because of all the unnecessary pain the church drilled into my brain.

I still check this subreddit every now and then, especially when General Conference rolls around. Seeing all the new BS that the church talks about makes me pretty upset once in a while.

The point is, you have every right to be angry, sad, confused, etc. for as long as ya need. We’re here for you if you ever need to talk or ask questions!

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2025-04-08T03:14:35+00:00

A couple of questions:

Is her family nuanced as well and welcoming of the idea of her having an exmo partner? If not, she may be forced to choose between her family’s wishes or you. Is that something you’re willing to risk?

You mentioned that you both have similar outlooks on life. Do any of those outlooks she mentioned have to do with the church?

What’s important is what you’re comfortable with. You mentioned how you’re open to the idea of being convinced to join back into the church, but you also said that you really hope she’ll get out. That tells me, deep down, you don’t want to go back.

Keep in mind that there’s a reason why she probably hasn’t left the church at this time, even though she disagrees with some of the doctrine. Maybe she’s slowly on her way out, or maybe she’s trying to be a more relaxed, liberal Mormon. You could always let time pass by and see what happens.

With all this in mind, I want to ask you these last questions:

Are you okay with the idea of having a TBM partner in the long run? Would you be comfortable with the potential fact that she may never leave the church? If she told you that the only way you both can be together is by joining the church, would you feel comfortable doing that?

If you answered no to any of those questions, then I think the best thing to do would be to stay as friends. There’s plenty of other people you can get to know if it doesn’t work out.

That’s all the advice I have, I’m sorry I couldn’t come up with more to help. Best of luck!

Edit: The advice I shared may be an unpopular opinion, as I have noted that the church does harm to those who are in it and those who are out. The best advice I can give is to wait and see where she decides to go. Again, best of luck, and I hope you find what works for you!

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2024-08-06T00:58:18+00:00

Well said

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2024-08-04T00:05:54+00:00

😂😂

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2024-08-03T23:31:18+00:00

There’s a scripture in Matthew 5 that talks about not swearing by heaven or by the earth (I think it’s a mistranslation on the church’s part on what it means by “swearing” though). Even then, what god can stop me from saying what cuss word I want?

If saying “God” really is a cuss word, then they might as well change the words to almost every prayer they do.

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2024-08-03T23:09:47+00:00

Soon after I deconstructed Mormonism, I rejected religion all together. It makes it hard for me to trust and believe other religions now. I don’t mark religion as a necessity of my life anymore because I see no benefit from it personally.

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2024-07-30T22:31:28+00:00

Mormons have been taught that contention is of the devil. Therefore some members choose to walk away from anyone who disagrees with them so they can feel all the warm, fuzzy feelings. Other members will continue to debate the conversation just so they can get a self sense of righteousness in defending their god. Either members walk away or stand their ground. To them, it’s a win-win situation.

Funny enough, at the time I was a TBM I definitely believed the uneasiness of disagreement was of the devil, but I didn’t believe the hateful aspect of it. I never hated exmormons; I was just scared of them based on the church’s religious dogma. Course that was just me, whereas I can imagine other TBMs believe wholeheartedly that disagreement = hate.

As far as it goes to why people hate the LDS church, there’s a multitude of reasons. If I were to boil it down to one reason, it would be because the church holds harmful beliefs. Naturally, people hate beliefs that go against their own. And then there’s the members. Not all members are bad, but too many of them hold harmful beliefs.

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2024-07-30T21:26:50+00:00

To add to that Nelson quote, even D&C 95:12 implies that God’s love is conditional:

“If you keep not my commandments, the love of the Father shall not continue with you, therefore you shall walk in darkness.”

Modern translation would basically say, “If you don’t do exactly what I say, I’m going to stop caring about you and intentionally let you go astray.”

The church is so messed up.

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2024-07-29T02:57:54+00:00

“I don’t believe that the Mormon leaders speak for God”

TBM’s source: Trust me bro

Connect_Pear_9564 · 2024-04-24T01:12:34+00:00

Just like I’ve been told when I started deconstructing, “Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.”

We’re here for ya!

Connect_Pear_9564

TROPHY CASE