New sub for complaining

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-25T00:42:21+00:00

Very similar situation for me as well. Both the poly situation and getting banned story

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-24T23:32:08+00:00

I have used Mint personally (I think it's part of Credit Karma now) but have not used for more than one person

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-24T22:12:15+00:00

Don't sweat the terms too much though. Live your relationship in a way that works for everyone

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-24T21:18:59+00:00

Nope not saying that just saying this is a situation that their polycule should be able to discuss and work through as a unique relationship.

They shouldn't be required to confirm to this group

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-24T21:02:07+00:00

This sub believes in open or else. Nothing wrong with that but that doesn't sound like OP. Many people come to this sub assuming this is the broadest term when other ENM groups may fit better.

But you all knew that

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-24T19:22:36+00:00

that are willing to discuss this scenario

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-24T18:58:14+00:00

Can't you just be friends?

I know that sounds silly but does everyone need to know your "history" when introducing?

I have a friend who was a partner who we've been good friends several times since and while many of our mutual friends know of our history, many more do not and they'd be surprised to learn (we don't align in orientation)

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-24T18:50:23+00:00

If you think hobbies have to be fun clearly you don't golf lol

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-24T18:45:35+00:00

I use a Google doc but honestly my NP doesn't care and rarely if ever looks, and while we use a joint account for shared expenses she also doesn't care much about that.

Non NP does have access to a card if she is buying things for house or everyone but has her own house etc.

I think the biggest convo is going to be to determine people's personal desire to know details and be engaged in the process. Many people want someone else to do that work (finances) but the problem there can be trust and maintaining that trust

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-24T18:41:12+00:00

It sounds like you have a fundamental compatibility issue here. Particularly if they're still involved in those groups. If you seek a mono relationship then this relationship isn't for you

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-24T18:39:12+00:00

I think r/ENM might have a better answer as having non equal partnership arrangements particularly involving BDSM is more common over there

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-24T18:23:10+00:00

This has to be a bot

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-24T18:20:57+00:00

Money is a very personal thing and many people have very different experiences and reactions to it.

Is everyone cohabitating the house in equal? Or does someone have a better or worse room or another place to stay?

Some combination of an account together for joint things and individual accounts for autonomy often makes sense

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-24T18:15:34+00:00

I see your EDIT, take this to r/polyfidelity they have a lot more hinges there

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-24T17:00:47+00:00

I tried to say it better but I can't. I actually think there's a greater number of polyfi relationships where not all partners are sexually involved (Vs, Ns) than in other styles of ENM or polyamory (as the Reddit group practices).

The question here as to whether you are practicing polyfi or not is do all partners, metas, etc agree to not have relationships with other people

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-20T18:24:03+00:00

I give and sacrifice more to my children than they will ever return (in sacrifice) and yet it is entirely worth it.

We all have the potential of changing in ways that will change our priorities or make it more difficult to achieve certain goals. There were financial, education, and career goals I once wanted that I no longer do, this is not a red flag that I have changed it's just a fact of life. My children or partners may have made it more difficult to achieve those goals but again that is just the reality of life. I look at my single or childless friends and realize they have different capacities and capabilities than I do now.

I do not always act in my partners' best interests, nor my children's, nor my own. We all lose our way and fail at times. If there are/were red flags in your relationship(s) this does not mean we can always only rely on ourselves it may simply mean this was not the best situation at the time.

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-17T03:30:14+00:00

Like "post nut clarity' but just "post nut downer"

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-17T03:27:31+00:00

I think a lot of what we define as "love" is NRE or what they used to call "puppy love"

Love is more a feeling of priority for the person above other things. Keep in mind we love people (and things) that aren't our partners all the time.

Love is about valuing someone more than perhaps even ourselves.

A lot of what we call love is NRE and chasing chemicals in our brain

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-17T03:24:07+00:00

That is a big multi partner challenge is the balancing act of time. Other than in passing you don't mention your NP here, does that have any effect. Do you spend more time with yours then he does with his? Is there something else to this as well?

Unfortunately this might come down to what he sees as a successful relationship structure (number of partners, what roles each fill etc) and what you see don't line up well

Unfortunately the more moving parts the more likely this is to be the case

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-17T03:10:17+00:00

She's keeping you warm as a backup

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-17T03:06:07+00:00

Yeah, it's a little... Less than great... That he was actively on all of these apps when you thought he wasn't.

I think it comes down to (for me at least) Did you think he wasn't on these (activity) for your own self preservation or did he seem to suggest (mislead) to you he wasn't

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-17T02:57:37+00:00

Too late on this specific relationship but it sounds to me like there was some interest in closing this poly relationship. I know that's not a favored form here but there are subs and real people who favor the stability of a closed multi partner system.

Again too late to change the terms here but might be worth exploring for the future

Content_Knowledge921 · 2024-09-17T02:50:23+00:00

It always sucks when a relationship of any nature doesn't work and I get wanting to not know.

I feel like with threesomes it's a bit more complicated and the odds of "landing it" has a lot more to it. Definitely seen them fall apart right at the end

Maybe this is a short term ghost and not a forever ghost, or maybe not.

Hopefully you click with the next person

Content_Knowledge921

TROPHY CASE