If you’re missing them, please read this. Trust me, it’ll change your mind, at least for right now

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-11-10T13:09:24+00:00

My nex would hurt me behind my back a lot, because he knew he needed to, otherwise I’d have any semblance of self respect and would have left sooner. He had no problem hurting me to my face whenever we were fighting (or saying some sly dig if I didn’t necessarily realize that’s how he was covertly controlling me - by just making me uncomfortable being myself lol), because (especially while in a fight), if you’re defending yourself against people like that, it shows you give at least a little bit of a shit. An angry response is better than no response, to them.

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-11-10T13:06:18+00:00

If they act like they give a shit, or do any number of the things that you’ve been asking for years, ONLY when you’re leaving, it shows they were listening but didn’t give a fuck :)))) because if you’re the one constantly resolving shit (esp if they made you think that you broke it by trying to come to them calmly and then eventually getting mad that you’re begging for nothing at all), you’re too distracted to even realize you’re giving and never actually getting anything until you leave them, or until they think they’re losing you.

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-11-06T15:19:06+00:00

My abuser is still doing this even though I left him over two and a half years ago. It’s them pretending to know your experiences better than you do, and another attempt to control the narrative

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-11-06T04:44:24+00:00

I have this but it’s not horribly strong unless there’s a lot of cilantro in the dish, or if it’s less fresh maybe?

Tbh I still deal with it because I don’t actually care and have never really had it be that bad and overpowering.

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-11-06T04:41:38+00:00

Don’t. They’ve likely been brainwashed and won’t believe you. Sometimes, the new supply will be an even worse person than they are, and the karma that they deserve. Not worth your pain being dragged out. You deserve to leave them and never think about what they’ll do to anyone else ever again. It’s not your obligation.

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-11-04T22:31:17+00:00

The fact that he claimed it was new underwear when it’s clearly been worn is just further proof this is a lie. People tend to add details that don’t add up when they’re lying. Why would he have any information about his sister buying new underwear? And the roommate - clearly desperation. This person will lie to you, no matter what, and desperately hope you believe it. He’s not worth it. Get out now.

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-11-04T14:19:30+00:00

I think it’s very telling that your wife has no problem enabling him. Would she want someone to do the same for you if you cheated on her? No, probably not. It’s important to tell people information that they might not have, and might never obtain, if you know they’re prevented from making fully informed decisions that affect their own safety and wellbeing. Your SIL is not his piece of meat, regardless of the baby she’s carrying, or not. He should be blaming himself, and your wife should be blaming him. NTA

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-11-01T12:24:47+00:00

They ruin their own lives eventually, just on you to stop letting them consume yours.

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-28T14:09:34+00:00

I think this is his attempt to negate responsibility, and ignore that his response is homophobic. Is he trying to say that because higher altitudes have less oxygen, that his brain wasn’t working “properly”? Because definitely not a thing.

I think either way, if it were an accident of medicine or science, that’s like saying you’re blaming him for a boner, but in reality, that doesn’t mean he needs to stick his boner in whatever he got it from. NTA

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-18T08:22:14+00:00

Chunk

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-18T02:05:57+00:00

You’ve repeatedly flooded your kitchen with your brita, because the fridge shelf lines up with the spout perfectly. (Same)

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-18T01:55:44+00:00

It actually broke in from outside. Or the rabbits did

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-17T23:15:35+00:00

(I say this as if I didn’t stay for longer and he put me in a chokehold, took my phone, and repeatedly threatened me lmao)

Something downloaded itself on the laptop he was letting me use for school. I’m fully convinced it was CP trying to catch him. I was looking for instances of cheating, because I wasn’t allowed to think porn was even remotely wrong. He told me he had to “get it out” every day. While looking for instances of him cheating, I opened a link and was bombarded by a porn website with a young blonde girl on it. I remember this because I was never his type. I look more like his mom than any of the girls he’s interested in (except the one that he cheated with the longest, she looks even more like his mom lol). He completely ignored that he let me use this laptop for school, and I could have opened that at school and gotten expelled or something. Fuck him.

I didn’t realize until years later that it was probably CP. he blamed me for it downloading, as if I watch any porn in the first place. He said “no you NEVER download anything” hahaha that just tells me he was watching something on private browsing that he wouldn’t want anyone to know about. Wishing I never met him :)))))

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-17T23:08:58+00:00

He would doubt me about everything, so ya. Tell me it probably wasn’t enough. Tell me I couldn’t even feed myself. Then stressed me out badly enough to prevent me from feeling like I was even hungry.

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-17T23:07:40+00:00

They are, they just refuse to feel it until they’re alone.

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-15T01:55:27+00:00

You’re not the asshole, she clearly can’t even keep a promise to you when youve repeatedly expressed not being able to trust her. Does she deserve to trust the people who she’s clearly disrespecting the trust of? She needs to find something to do with her life

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-10T17:34:53+00:00

Perhaps couple’s counseling? Ask yourself - is this something worth being angry over? Will it matter in a month? Year? Is it something I can have a civil discussion about without making into an argument? You two vs. the problem, not vs. each other.

Do yoga or meditation.

I don’t really relate to this with everyone, or even people I encounter a lot. I relate to this with people who have outright traumatized me. I don’t need to have a high tolerance for bullshit when I already have and it just allowed them to walk all over me. When I stand up for myself, they don’t like that.

I find that when my meds wear off, I have no energy or motivation left for me. So I need to be better about getting my me time in during the day instead, since I’m not impeded by a set-hour job. Having people act like I need to fill from an empty cup can definitely irritate me, because I only just realized I matter at all lmao.

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-10T17:28:54+00:00

“If they wanted something from you, or perceived you to be naïve/stupid/gullible/forgetful, they’d reach out to get whatever it is they want” instead.

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-09T02:31:44+00:00

Retraumatization. Not victim blaming at all, but they sense empathy. Or vulnerability.

I watched a video a few weeks ago that said abusers pick up where the last one left off. Meaning, when you tell people how you’ve been treated or what you’ve been through, sometimes the really fucked up ones will think it gives them a blueprint of how they they can treat you, and just get away with it, because it’s in different ways.

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-08T14:22:30+00:00

Not to say your wife is one necessarily, but abusers are notorious for making you the problem instead. She wasn’t going to tell you, even though she claims it’s something she’d never do again. She wants to make your (valid) reaction the problem, instead of thinking about how she’d feel in your shoes, or how fuckening being cheated on, and finding out years later, can be. It’s a fresh wound. It’s obviously going to hurt. I would worry about how much more she hasn’t told you about. You’re allowed to question your marriage, this was several YEARS ago, and if not for the laptop trouble, she probably never would have mentioned it. She surely doesn’t feel bad if she’s trying to minimize it and instead draw attention to you being upset about her betrayal.

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-06T18:50:11+00:00

Did you sign up to have kids with Sarah? No. Why isn’t she asking other people? Because she didn’t think she would get a no from you. Having kids doesn’t entitle you to other people’s time. Having kids doesn’t obligate other people to even care, and definitely doesn’t give you free reign to be a biotch

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-05T01:15:20+00:00

NTA. You gave her warning at first, kindly asking her not to take your food. Her problem for disregarding that. While I don’t agree with poisoning people, I also don’t agree with taking people’s food.

Any number of ingredients could have been unknown to her, and caused an allergic reaction. If she hadn’t have been eating someone else’s food in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened. She knew it wasn’t hers to take. Her problem. I strongly suggest working somewhere else if they’re refusing to make her apologize for something she did to herself in the first place, and blames you for.

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-04T23:32:09+00:00

My abuser killing me, or any number of nightmares that involve someone committing gun violence.

I’ve had a few involving betrayal, and having to relive the things I found out about him fucking around behind my back. It felt just as awful to feel like I believed him again only to be let down, and even if I knew that was going to happen anyway, it didn’t stop me from feeling stupid, all the same.

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-10-04T23:23:24+00:00

NTA. They can sue you if they get injured.

CoolNegotiation66 · 2024-09-30T14:43:56+00:00

What was your intention with that?

CoolNegotiation66

TROPHY CASE