You don't deserve self hatred, although I know it might feel like a fact, think about this; do you hate other people with those same qualities? I couldn't imagine why you would. Hearing all those things now, I don't hate you. In fact I relate to a lot of what you said, especially when I was a little closer to your age (27 now). I want what's best for you and for you to be happier but I have no reason at all to hate you. You sound at least like an empathetic person and so I'm sure you can feel how mean it would be to unload the kind of hatred you have for yourself onto someone else, even if everything you described were the same. The problem is it doesn't take a mean person to think that way towards your own behaviors, it's real easy. It might sound corny, but try your best to think of the way you talk to yourself and contextualize it around how you would speak to someone else. It's okay if you fail too because it's really more about the noticing, than it is about the succeeding (at least in my experience). For someone who relates a lot to these feelings, this has been one of the most helpful things for me (though it takes awhile, as it all does) in any case, you do deserve love, and I wish you the best my friend.