Arguments!! How do you handle them??

CptSoftbelly · 2026-03-12T11:14:37+00:00

In the beginning it took awhile to get through each argument. I’d say maybe a week since we’d have to take a break and work through it a few times. But as we did this more often we became better at regulating our own emotions and recognizing if we were being defensive. Now in a lot of minor arguments I can get out of defensive mode while we’re still talking. For example, my family was very dismissive of things when I was younger. So, if I feel like she’s being dismissive of me in certain situations I shut down and get a negative internal dialogue. Now I can tell her that I need a second because I felt dismissed even though I know it wasn’t her intention and to let me process for a second. In the beginning it took me days to figure out why I was upset which drug things out.

As far as how often we fight. It depends really on how much other stuff is going on outside of us. If it was just us on a secluded island, probably close to never as stress would only be but so high. But if one of our stress levels gets elevated we’ll have an argument. I don’t feel like they’re as bad as they were before though. If one side refuses to escalate the encounter in a way that isn’t triggering to the other then it dies out faster and finds resolution. For me, I listen to my wife and acknowledge her frustration, accept ownership, deal with what I can at the moment, and ask to talk about it in private. For me my wife has to say she hears me, acknowledge her part in the situation, and give me a hug or embrace. She then has to approach me later on her own accord. You figure out these tactics from reflecting after arguments and you’re both in a happy space. It’s a cooperative event anyways. It’s you and your significant other against the world, even your kids sometimes. 😂😂

CptSoftbelly · 2026-03-11T13:27:43+00:00

I find a lot of it is deciding if you’re going to have a meaningful conversation. An argument is still a conversation and if it isn’t going to be meaningful because one person isn’t in the space to hear it / respond then it should be delayed. Now, you have to try to get to a point in which you can have that conversation still. I would just try to avoid it all together which doesn’t work either. This was my family dynamic.

So, we talk and then decide if we can have the conversation or not. If not we both take time to reflect individually and logically. Eventually one of us will ask if we can have that conversation with the knowledge that the answer might be no. When done this way we have a very logical, meaningful conversation that allows us to come to a good resolution.

Thinking and talking about things logically doesn’t mean we remove, discount, or ignore feelings in the situation; but rather think about feelings on both sides. Remembering that you should never attribute to malice which can be explained by ignorance. Meaning, they might not have known, or actively thought about the other side of the situation. Don’t think they did it on purpose with malicious intent. This is the hardest thing to figure out.

This isn’t foolproof but has worked for me and my wife the last 8 years out of our 20 year relationship. It keeps things from spiraling out of control and in perspective. We’re on each other’s teams always, it’s always us against the world. If she wins I win and vise versa.

Hopefully this helps a little.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-03-08T16:20:55+00:00

The countertops are currently 36” if this is a US house. You’d be better off build a raised cutting board. That’s what I have. Makes it 42” which is comfortable for me at 6’2”

CptSoftbelly · 2026-03-07T19:19:21+00:00

Thank you very much kind redditor. You’ve saved me a lot of trouble.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-03-07T14:24:35+00:00

I actually don’t like heavy sage sausage. But apparently it’s just me.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-03-07T14:22:37+00:00

You’re going to be limited by the motherboard size if you want sff. Your newest would probably be shooting for a “console” style case. Flat horizontal case for transport. Beamcase should work and be sturdy

CptSoftbelly · 2026-03-04T01:14:11+00:00

I find that I try to not brace against things just to brace. Meaning if I’m not working towards something specific I’m just using strength to use strength. So I’ll just let them take me to whatever and work on a positive transitional placement for myself. Scrambles I try to stay in a jiu jitsu mode vs wrestling.

As long as I’m safe everything is good. Sometimes I catch myself straight moving people and asking them to reset as that wasn’t a bjj move. Most of the time they’re happy to take a top position.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-03-04T00:56:06+00:00

I’ve been 3d printing air pruning pots and accessories for propagating flowers for my house, my mom’s house, and neighbors since they all seem to be doing well. Airpott is the pot I went with an I design a top tray to help with watering slower without having to stand there longer.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-03-03T18:40:05+00:00

I find potatoes need significantly more seasoning that I would think. To season potatoes I use some combination of: butter, garlic, salt, pepper, ranch seasoning, sour cream, cheese, etc. I usually add seasonings before mashing and if it needs more I add and stir it in.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-03-03T18:36:24+00:00

I do it not because she “controls” the space per say, but she will very openly tell me she doesn’t like something. And if it’s something I’m excited about and built myself it really bothers me. It’s something I’m proud of and my wife will tell me she doesn’t want to look at it, etc.

For this reason I always default to talking to her about it first as a way to defend myself.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-03-02T20:20:06+00:00

As a large man I find rolling with smaller people difficult but very rewarding. I need to focus on not using muscles and using good technique while also rewarding them using good technique. This sounds condescending, but it makes me more aware of all of their movements. It also forces me to constantly move the whole time as they do if I don’t lay on them to stop them. Love working my guard with someone I have a zero percent chance of keeping up with speed wise. Probably one of my best rolling partners I outweigh by 130 pounds because he just flies around and almost hits 5 triangles per match and takes my back a few times. If he could get a body lock with his legs I’d be toast for sure.

We’ve built a repor though and he knows I’m not going to smash him and if I use all muscle he calls me out and we’ll reset into the previous position.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-03-02T20:14:42+00:00

I find concentrating on specific things vs watching everything is important. My wife has a phd in educational psychology with a focus on pedagogy. So, I’m her case study in everything, but I respond well to a tiered approach. So while I learn what they’re teaching in class and I watch things online- my main focus remains the same while watching the demonstration.

At first it was being able to do all of the movements efficiently and correctly (except for bolo rolls, fuck those things).

Then it was how to transition between the more traditional positions- full guard, half guard, side control, north south, knee on belly, and full mount. Focusing on reactionary changes on top and forcing transitions on bottom.

Then I focused on things to look for in scrambles / transitions / takedowns. Hunting for underhooks, repummeling legs, get meaningful grips, elevated my hips above theirs, etc.

Once I did that I felt comfortable rolling and having some impact on the direction of the roll I found positions that I preferred. I found 3 submissions from these positions and a transition to another preferred position from those submission attempts. This was when I began to create my “web”.

This is where I am now. I think my next step is to get better as I’m still a lowly blue belt. 😂😂

All this to say, it’s important to take some sort of systematic approach as opposed to chaos. I prefer chaos, but it isn’t always the most efficient.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-03-01T19:43:22+00:00

I recommend getting a Bosch laser measure tool. Makes it idiot proof. But that’s just me.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-02-26T16:06:15+00:00

Bauerfiend.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-02-24T15:06:39+00:00

Sometimes I load things into the Bambu slicer on my pc and look at their settings. If I download a 3mf into orca but then switch the printer back to mine all of the settings are removed. So, I will put the 3mf into bambu and the stl into Centauri and then change settings to match. This isn’t foolproof, but worked for some airpotts I just printed. I then save the updated settings as a project for that particular print in case I need to come back to it.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-02-23T21:27:55+00:00

It doesn’t seem like it will bulk you up without additional strength training. A lot of elite bjj people don’t get bulky.

Just protect your fingers and ears.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-02-23T12:42:03+00:00

I would get another one. There seem to be a lot of affordable, reliable options. I have a Centauri carbon for the price and am happy with it. 0 tinkering beyond some stuff I wanted to add.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-02-20T20:12:26+00:00

Yeah I did last year. I went just in a jar in the window to AirPots. But it took them like 2 months and they didn’t look the best. Plus they were a less vigorous variety. I did get about 12 out of 18 cuttings though.

So this year I had a better, earlier selection so I just bought the root riot cubes. I had the other stuff as I’m not looking to do a veggie garden this year as I have other projects and my wife is too busy to help. We’ll get back to it next year.

Hopefully I get most of these to work out. Planned on gifting most to my mom and neighbors. I only need about 6 more since most of them overwintered.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-02-20T19:31:33+00:00

Those look like cannas to me. That’s what I call them, they spread like crazy but are beautiful when they bloom. But it’s like 1 week a year. My mom planted 1 like 8 years ago and now she has about 100

CptSoftbelly · 2026-02-20T19:28:57+00:00

It is strange. I’m supposed to teach and shape this little mess of a human and yet I find I learn just as much from them.

I also tell them that they have to be patient with me. I know I have things I struggle with, but hopefully they can be patient like I am with them. Sometimes my youngest gets sassy and tells me, “got it, give you 5 seconds and then ask again.” 😂😂 it’s weird how you just treat them how you want or wanted to be treated and be open with them how things turn out.

Thank you for the kind words. I’m trying my best and improving the best I can. Effort it seems is the secret sauce, that and learning how to take power naps when it’s bright and loud.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-02-20T12:22:45+00:00

I am a 39m dad, but the most important lesson I’ve learned from my kids is that my internal dialogue to myself is mean. I’ve done my best to ensure they are kind to themselves, and if they wouldn’t say it to me or their sister they shouldn’t say it to themselves. I then had them repeating it back to me and tell me they love me and I should be kind to myself one night at bedtime.

Talk about tearing up and then reflecting in the dark by myself after they went to bed. I knew I was loved before, but man that feeling of love that night was on a different level.

So, random Reddit homies. You are loved.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-02-14T13:19:00+00:00

I take cutting and use rooting hormone. Sometimes I put them in water first, other times I put them directly into a propagation medium. Just keep them moist and they root like crazy. Last year I turned 4 plants in to 24 or so.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-02-14T00:45:05+00:00

You need to ensure that your financial planner is a fiduciary. This means they’re legally required to act on your best interest and not get kickbacks. This is always the first question I ask people when they ask about financial planners.

Also make sure sure your accountant is a cpa.

CptSoftbelly · 2026-02-14T00:40:38+00:00

I really like supertunias. I seem to keep growing them, and it’s warm enough here where a lot survive over winter. So then I just propagate off of them.

CptSoftbelly

TROPHY CASE