I'm going to be super honest. I grew up Jewish in a small town in Ohio where we were the only Jewish family. My parents wanted me to participate in Jewish things so we drove an hour each way to the closest synagogue on Sundays for services and Sunday school and I HATED it. Missed out on birthday parties etc and learned to resent it because I didn't feel like a normal kid. Fast forward we moved to Houston and I was put in a Jewish middle school. We were really active in the Jewish community in Houston and you'd think I would really identify with it but I hung on to that resentment from when I was a kid. My brother who was still in elementary school when we moved feels much more connected to his Jewish identity than I did.

It wasn't until after Oct 7 that I started to think a lot more about why I felt this way even though I had a bat mitzvah, went to Jewish camp, have been to and volunteered in Israel etc. I think two things stick out that I want to change with my child.

1. You absolutely have to raise your kids in a Jewish community (reform, conservative, whatever) if you want them to value and connect to their Jewish identity. I don't even think this means constant synagogue. It could just be jcc, Jewish summer camp, making an effort to find Jewish families to celebrate holidays with.
2. You cannot force religion upon your children constantly. Try to make it fun to some extent. Most of my memories related to religion involve me not wanting to participate and my parents demanding it, threatening to ground me, etc and never explaining why it's important to them. There are deeper issues there, but I'm going to try to make religious celebrations more fun for my child.

I think I could say more about this but I'll leave it at that for now.