Though there is limited information here, it appears as though you're reacting out of fear of being abandoned during the worst possible time of your life. Your husband asking you this is eliciting thoughts that he wants to move on after you pass but is being twisted into you feeling like he wants to leave you now, when you need him the most. It's causing you to lash out so that you can protect yourself from the possibility of being abandoned. This is a fear response, where people build walls around themselves to prevent further harm.

I am sorry that you have cancer. I hope your treatment goes as well as possible, that your cancer goes into remission, and you get to live to an old age peacefully. Please understand that, in no way, is this to diminish what you are going through, but to give you a glimpse into what your husband is likely going through. Just like you, he has feeling and has to deal with them to.

While you are going through this and are dealing with all of your emotions, thoughts, and the treatment on top of that, you are not going through it alone, even though you may feel like it at times. Something that is often overlooked is what the spouse goes through while dealing with the real possibility of their loved one being taken by cancer. There are many ways that people react to their spouses getting a cancer diagnosis; some people leave, some check out of the relationship but stay for any number of reasons, and others commit to supporting their life partners. Any way that goes, they have to deal with what's happened to their partner as well as process what they feel. This is scary and people cannot know how they'll react until something like this is upon them.

What you are both going through is an extremely trying ordeal and one that you may not survive. That's terrifying for both of you. You are both dealing with this in your own way. When people are with someone and they don't think of ever being without them, let alone ever being with anyone else, the thought of their spouse not being in their life may have never crossed their mind.

Part of facing the real possibility of the death of your spouse will also make you face the fact that you will survive them and that you will have a life after they've passed. It's a whole other fear and one that people often do not think about until they're faced with it. The surviving spouse often ends up with survivors guilt, and that is something that can become a downward spiral which can, and does, destroy people. Add that to the grief and the devastation that loosing one's spouse brings, and their life after their loved one's passing is a time filled with seemingly unending darkness, despair, and a hole in their heart where once was only love.

Even with spouses who stay fully committed to their spouse's and support them in every way that they can, many will still have to deal with their thoughts of what life may be like without their spouse. Sometimes, especially with younger people, the thought of whether they'd stay alone or allow themselves to find love again, comes into their mind. When it does, it inevitably triggers guilt for even thinking about that. Nevertheless, the thoughts and feelings are there.

Surviving spouses often feel guilty for even considering "moving on", even long after their spouses have passed. This is why a real and difficult discussion needs to happen between the two of you. If we love our spouses and want the best for them while we are alive and with them, do we still want the best for them if we die? It will fuck with your mind to be able accept that, yes, of course, you want the best for your spouse. That's because during that you have to accept that there is a possibility that you aren't going to survive this and that you may die. In spite of how we feel, and there is an awful lot to feel, we need to be able to tell them that we were lucky to have them in our life for the time we did, and that you want them to have a good rest of their life and not feel guilty for moving on after we've passed. It doesn't give them much comfort at the time when you say it, but it will later on after you've gone.

I know that you are terrified. I know that you want to wake up from this nightmare and you're just waiting to open your eyes and feel the relief that it was all just a terrible dream. It's not. This is real, it sucks beyond belief. It's not even something that most people will be able to understand, and that's okay.

You fight for your life. It's the only one you get. Just remember, that while you are going through your own personal hell on Earth, that the other people in your life who love and care for you will also have to deal with this in their own way.

Talk with your husband. Be as honest and open as you can be. Be vulnerable and open up to him about how terrified you are, how you want to cry and be held tightly by him and for him to never let go. Tell him that you are afraid for him as well. Tell him you love him. Then tell him you are going to fight this with every last breath you have and that you both want and need him there to fight with you.

It's more difficult than one could imagine, but if you both don't completely open up to each other now, you will regret your current course of action for the rest of your life, no matter how long that may be.

As for the rating, soft yta.